Tag Archives: Skill

Five ways to avoid hurting with your words.

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These days when we have a question, we can almost immediately satisfy our curiosity by whipping out our smart phones and googling it. I do this all the time. Unfortunately, accessing information this way doesn’t necessarily help us remember it. Most of the time, once I’ve satisfied my curiosity, I forget the answer I looked up. It’s like we’re all players in a real life game of trivial pursuit, except we don’t really have to know anything. We can just google it.

While I may not retain some of what I google in curious whimsy, I have learned a tremendous amount from my own online research. Everything from building a website to installing an electric window regulator in a Honda Accord. The global knowledge base is there for anyone with a device to access.

wisdom

While I’ve learned quite a bit online, sometimes it’s hard to practically do what you learn because there are subtleties in any job that you can only learn by doing. This is the difference between wisdom and knowledge. While doing my daughter’s brakes, the first took me about 45 minutes.  The second took me nine.

Knowledge is – the fact or condition of knowing something with familiarity gained through experience or association” – (Websters Online Dictionary). Wisdom on the other hand is – Accumulated philosophic or scientific learning; Knowledge, ability to discern inner qualities and relationships. Insight, good sense; Judgment, generally accepted belief – (Websters Online Dictionary).

To break it down a little, Knowledge is knowing. Facts have been accumulated, stored and remembered, while Wisdom is the skillful use of knowledge. One can be wise in one area but foolish in another, while possessing knowledge in both areas.  When I see a wise man, I understand that in the area that he is wise, it’s not his first time dealing in it. He’s not a novice.

I say all of this because I want to be wise when dealing with others. I don’t want to rely on knowledge only when dealing with people. I care about people. I spend time thinking about interactions and in some cases, I try to choose words and actions in advance. I do this because if I see a potential problem, I want to do all I can to avoid it, and sometimes that means seeing it coming and deciding in advance how I will handle it so that in the moment, I’m not overtaken by high emotions or stress.

That’s why it bothers me so much when I do get swept up in emotion and stress. Sometimes, things just get sideways.

A few years ago I made someone so angry that they stopped speaking to me. I didn’t mean to make them that angry, but they were reaching out for help and I didn’t see it. Instead, I saw them being melodramatic and manipulative. They were hurting and I didn’t realize how much. I was insensitive, rude and I hurt their feelings. I also didn’t see how strong their response would be, so I was totally shocked when it all went south.

I am thankful to say that we have fixed things between us and are enjoying a good relationship, but it’s not the first time I’ve hurt someone and not seen it coming. I sometimes have a big mouth. I really don’t like when I hurt people so I’ve compiled a short list of things I try to do to avoid it.

  1. Ask God for wisdom.
    James 1:5 If any of you needs wisdom to know what you should do, you should ask God, and he will give it to you. God is generous to everyone and doesn’t find fault with them. (GW).
  2. Consider the end.
    Proverbs 22:3 says A prudent man foresees the evil and hides himself, but the simple pass on and are punished. The fool passes all the signs of trouble but doesn’t see them. They just roll down the road at full speed and are surprised when they run into trouble. A wise man by contrast, will see the trouble coming and take action to either stop it, or side step it. Jeff Walker calls this Looking through the corners.  It’s a reference to being in a race. When you are moving fast, the wrong thing to do is to just look right in front of you. If you do that, problems will enter your field of vision too late for you to respond.  If you look thought the corners, you’ll see it coming and you will have plenty of time to take action.  We can to this with interpersonal relationships too. We can anticipate certain problems and head them off before they can happen.
  3. Look to your elders for wisdom.
    I remember a situation while serving in a helps ministry at church.  Something happened that hurt our leaders. Everyone saw it and everyone knew that they were hurt. I remember talking to one of them and asking her what she was going to do. I was expecting her to outline a strategy for dealing with it but that’s not what she did. She responded with this. “I’m going to forgive them. What other choice do I have?” That answer has stayed with me and helped me on many occasions. This woman loves God and loves people. The Lord commanded her to forgive, (Mark 11:25). Neither she, nor the Lord consider this to be a suggestion.  It didn’t come with options. She knows and has demonstrated that to obey means to forgive. In like manner, our elders can often see things from a higher perspective than we can, and can often offer excellent guidance.
  4. Let everything come from a heart of love.
    Let your reasons for saying or doing anything be motivated by a true desire to help and to show love. Many people have been hurt by people saying “Well, I told them the truth!” Scripture says about believers that we: “speaking the truth in Love, may grow up in Him in all things” (Eph 4:15). I don’t think its accidental that when we are speaking the truth IN LOVE, that we are showing signs of maturity and growth. It’s important that we make sure our words are born of love and are spent out of our mouths with the purpose of edifying and strengthening one another.
  5. Shut up.
    Truthfully, no one wants free advice, so we shouldn’t be quick to give advice unless we’re asked. Most of the time, when people are wanting to talk, we need to answer the other half of that equation…we need to listen. Many people are looking to share and to be heard. It’s only when they ask that we should think it appropriate to advise. We need to watch for the phrase “You know what you should do?” While it’s usually coming from a honest desire to help, it often has an underlying message. “You know what you should do? Follow my advice because it’s obvious that you don’t know how to live your life”. While people may not intend to send this message, it’s often the one that’s heard.

Interpersonal relationships can be tricky sometimes, depending on the people involved. I don’t think any of us get out of bed in the morning thinking “Who can I pick a fight with today?”, but sometimes the fight just finds you. My prayer is that I’ve given you some practical things to help you avoid hurting people with your words.

While I know that sharing this sort of stuff is hard because none of us really wants to show our shortcomings, do you have a story that can help others? Please join the conversation & leave a comment.

Also – If this has helped you in any way and you think it can help someone else, please consider sharing.

Thank You!

Art

You are being judged everyday.

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Throughout all my years in school, my favorite class was always art class. It didn’t matter what we were doing in that class, I loved it. I have always demonstrated a certain amount of skill when it came to art class. It was one of those areas where I was really good at it. That’s probably why I enjoyed it so much.

In seventh grade, the young men in my school began being exposed to the Industrial Arts. More classes that involved creating things…I couldn’t get enough. My seventh grade year, we studied metal-shop, wood-shop, plastics & drafting.

I have to say that of those four, I enjoyed drafting the least. I came into it with an expectation that it was going to be easy because I was artistically talented. I was wrong! Old school drafting is about protractors, angles, reading a ruler & accuracy. None of this stuff existed to any great degree in art class. It was here that I realized that I was in trouble, but it was also here that I learned a very important lesson that still influences me on a daily basis.

It all began when we had to draw our first mechanical drawing.  It was a three dimensional shape. I turned my project in to be graded and when I got it back, all the corners of my drawing, where the lines intersected, were circled with a red pen. I don’t remember getting a very good grade, and I was kind of disappointed. I should be good at this!  The reason for they were circled was because they extended beyond the intersection. When done right, they should terminate at the intersection. That marked the beginning of my education about Craftsmanship.

Mech drawing error

Craftsmanship
The skill involved in making something beautiful, or practical using your hands.
The beautiful or impressive quality of something that has been made using a lot of skill. (Macmillan Dictionary)

I bring this up because there are tons of people who are unsatisfied in their job, or in the direction their career may be going. When we get unsatisfied, or start to think that what we’re doing doesn’t matter, the quality of our work might begin to slip.  Maybe you were laid off when the economy went south, and now the job you have is a long way away from your dream job. Maybe you see this job as stop-gap job until you can get a “real” job. Because of that, you lack the drive or character to do your best.

Sadly, most people live their lives event to event. They are constantly pushing toward events where they think happiness will be. They see all this time in between those events as less significant or even meaningless. Living event to event actually pushes happiness to the horizon, where it can only be achieved at the next event. The truth is that these moments between events are moments of your life passing by. What you do in these moments matters. You can find fulfillment in these moments too.

I heard a story once about a father that assigned a chore to his son and left the son to do it. When the father came back, the son had finished the task but had done a very poor job of it. The father looked over the project and then looked at his son and said “People are going to assume they know the kind of man you are, by the kind of work you do.” His point was clear. Craftsmanship has a voice and it speaks.  Opinions are being formed about us based on what we do.

Think about the last time you were in a restaurant or a store and a person gave you poor service. What were your thoughts? Did you make assumptions about that employee based on the poor quality of their service? While we don’t necessarily think these people are mean spirited or menaces to society, we might think of them as lazy, arrogant or self centered.  We’re judging them based on their work.

In the same way, we are also being judged by the quality of our work.  What message is your work sending?

What’s the take away here?

Even if you don’t think your job is significant, even if you don’t feel like it’s your calling, you can still have integrity and strength of character to do your best at it anyway. Put your signature in your work, moment by moment, by doing your best in every moment.

Eph 6:5-8 Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ; Not with eye-service, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free.

How Promotion Comes.

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If we could promote ourselves, we might all be at the very top of our respective companies. We might all be making top money. We could show up at the company that we owned, at about 10:30 in the morning, driving our brand new Aston Martin Vanquish…Okay, that might just be me.

$100 bills

I am curious though. How many of us would hesitate to promote ourselves because we knew deep down that we lack the skills and credentials to do the higher paying, higher responsibility jobs? I think most of us would probably give ourselves the benefit of the doubt and go ahead & try. Sadly, this would likely result in many companies failing within just a few months.

Truthfully, while you can’t directly promote yourself, you have a lot of control over whether or not you actually get promoted. It’s true. It’s mostly up to you. Let’s look at the example of David in the Bible.

In just the few verses of Psalm 78:70-72, we learn quite a bit about how and why God chose David to be King of Israel.

 

Psa 78:70 He also chose His servant David, and took him from the folds of the flock;

71 He brought him in from the suckling ewes; He brought him to feed His people Jacob, and His inheritance, Israel.

72 And he fed them in the integrity of his heart; and guided them in the skillfulness of his hands. (LIT)

 

We see that God chose David. David did not directly choose this for himself. But what was behind God’s choice? What did He see in David?

We see that God separated him from the sheep fold. David was a shepherd. David was caring for sheep, but not just sheep, lots of baby lambs. The King James version of verse 71 says God took him from following the ewes, great with young. David was shepherding birthing mothers & lots of babies. I can just imagine David now, setting on a log with a lamb in his lap while he is hand feeding it, as he looks out watchfully over the flock to make sure they are all safe.

God joined him to His people. David’s mandate from Heaven was to feed Jacob and Lead Israel. I think this is telling. It shows us God’s heart toward His people and the specific traits he looks for in those he chooses to lead them.

So why did God choose him? Verse 72 says David fed them (Jacob) in the integrity of his heart, and he guided them (Israel) in the skillfulness of his hands.

God saw him doing this with the lambs. God saw his integrity and his skill & wisdom while he was just watching the sheep. David was faithful in the little things and did them with integrity.

So, what kind of shepherd was David? We get a little taste from 1 Sam 17.

1Sa 17:34 And David said to Saul, Your servant has been a shepherd among sheep for his father. And the lion came, and the bear, and took away a sheep out of the flock.

35 And I went out after him and struck him, and delivered out of his mouth. And he rose against me, and I took hold of his beard and struck him, and killed him.

36 Your servant has struck both the lion and the bear, and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be as one of them, for he has reproached the armies of the living God.

37 And David said, Jehovah, who has delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, He shall deliver me from the hand of this Philistine. And Saul said to David, Go, and Jehovah be with you.

 

  • David was a man of faith! We can see that David had a very deep trust in God. He knew who he was in regard to the covenant.
  • David values the flock. We also see that when it came to the sheep, David considered his lambs so valuable that he went out, confronted and killed predators that were known to kill people. He did it more that once. Even one sheep was so important to David that he put his own life on the line to save it.
  • David was selfless. This was so powerful to God that he said of David “I found David” the son of Jesse “to be a man according to My own heart, who will do all My will.” (Acts 13:22 LIT).
  • We see something similar when Paul was writing to the Corinthian church. He said “And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved.” 2Co 12:15.
  • And again when Paul was writing to the Philippians, he tells them that he’s getting ready to send Timothy to them. He shows us why he is sending Timothy and not some other “Well Known” minister. Timothy had the same heart that Paul had. Paul said “For I have no man like-minded, who will naturally care for your state. For all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s. Phil 2:20, 21. Everybody else had self serving motives.

So what does this mean for us? What is the take away here?

God Himself said that David was a man after His own heart, who would fulfill all His will. The secret to David’s success wasn’t found just in God “Picking” him and then he became great. The anointing came on him when Samuel poured oil over his head, but the qualities that made him an excellent king were already in him and made him an excellent shepherd. He walked ever day in faith, integrity, wisdom & skillfulness. He didn’t just do his best, he did his best to do it God’s way.

Think about it. If I’m looking for good help to do something I need done, I’m looking for someone who can faithfully do it THE WAY I WOULD DO IT. How many times have you been the recipient of someone’s help and you had to do it over when they left?

God is looking for people who will submit to His will, do things His way & do them faithfully. These are the same attributes that will cause you to get promotion in every area of your life.

I invite you to take some time this week to examine your own heart. Ask yourself this one question.

Are you doing it all Your Way?