What It Really Takes To Be Fearless.

Have you ever gotten yourself in over your head? You said yes to something, maybe it was a job or something similar, and the next thing you knew, you were looking up at the surface of the water. Maybe you got your dream job but then realized that you had to work with people you were reasonably sure was related to Satan. You find yourself swimming in a tank full of sharks.

When I left my home, my old job, my family & friends to move to a new city and go to Bible school, it felt a little like starting a new life. I was launching out into the plan of God for my life & I was very excited for what the future held. I was certain that I was on the right path. I knew it was right. I emphasize this because it wasn’t too many days later, that the rear end started going out in my truck. Back in my hometown, I knew where to go for the parts. If I didn’t have the ability, I knew several people close by who could advise and help me fix it. Here, I didn’t know anyone and I didn’t know where the honest mechanic was. I ended up deciding to replace the truck but I didn’t know where the good used cars were sold. I checked the paper but there were not very many listings. I was stuck. I was hundreds of miles away from the community where I knew where everything was. Now, I didn’t know what to do.

The Fearless Path

One Saturday, I went to the store with my family. While they went into the store, I just stayed in the van and laid the seat back. I closed my eyes and I just sank. I was so consumed by this problem that I was beginning to get a little fearful. All the sudden, these words drifted up from my spirit. “Reckon on the faithfulness of God”. I had read that phrase in a book. I thought about it and the more I thought on it, the better things began to look. “Reckon on the faithfulness of God”. Then I began to remember. When God leads, He empowers. Remember Peter getting out of the boat & walking on the water? The main thing he was walking on was the word “Come” that Jesus had spoken to him. If God led me all the way out here to go to Bible school, He also empowered me to be successful. My faith began to surge. I had the realization that the car I needed was already here…somewhere. I just needed to listen, be led & find it. I believe with all of my heart that the provision for my life is found on God’s chosen path for me. I just need to stay on the path. God loves me too much to leave me shipwrecked. He wants me to succeed more than I even know. I immediately changed what I had been saying. I was saying that I didn’t know what to do. Now I declared that “My God shall supply all of my needs according to His riches in Glory by Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:19). The provision was there somewhere. We ended up just a few days later finding a really nice car that was way more than we had hoped for and it was a very affordable price. Remembering God’s love pushed fear out of my mind. My faith was strengthened. God is faithful.

There have been days on the job where problems were so abundant that it seemed like all I did was put out fires all day long. You get to the end of the day absolutely exhausted but it doesn’t look like there’s anything to show for it. In times like these, I have gone out to my car during my lunch break and again, I would lean the seat back & just thank God for the abiding presence of the Holy Spirit.

I learned a long time ago that the Holy Spirit is the difference maker. When I’m facing a situation and I don’t measure up, He makes up the difference. He strengthens me in every situation if I will follow Him. But its not just being strengthened, it’s being made strong enough. He is enough. He causes me to not only meet but exceed & be victorious in every situation. The King James Bible calls Him the comforter. Comforter = strengthener. He makes us adequate for the task. What task? The one you’re facing. He is faithful.

It’s through absolute dependence on Him that we can be fearless. I know that when I’m following Him and leaving nothing undone that I know I’m supposed to do, If it’s not enough, He makes up the difference. That’s why we can truly say “In all these things, we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us” Rom 8:37).

I want to encourage you this week to look to Him for strength. He will help you with the smallest of things. He cares about the details of your life.

In what ways have you seen God work in your own life? Please testify by leaving a comment.

A Father’s Heart to His Daughters.

I thought long and hard about what to write today. I decided to write this post for my two daughters. As my youngest turns 21, my thoughts turn to the past. I was reminiscing about some of the fun times we’ve all had over the years and I also remember many times where we would just talk.  These “Talks” would often just happen and sometimes last for hours.  It wasn’t anything that was planned, they would usually bring up something that they saw or that had happened to them and it would be the start of a great conversation. Often we would talk about what was right and how to move forward.  I was able to instill into them some of the truths that I have come to know.  My girls would laugh because I would be in “teacher” mode and wouldn’t even realize it.

Hands & flowers

As their father, I don’t want to be there for them for the rest of my life, I want to be there for them for the rest of their lives. This isn’t likely to be the way things play out though, so – I wrote this post.

Ladies. As you’ve grown up you’ve had my voice in your ears and sometimes echoing in your head when I wasn’t around, giving you instruction, encouragement & correction. I decided that what I really wanted to write was something that could help you. Something from me that could help you be strong and encourage you. Something that you could go back to from me that would be here beyond me.

I’m not perfect but you already know that. Nonetheless, I have always tried to be the best example I could be. I am relentless in trying to make my words and my actions match. I have always wanted you to see in me, a living example of the things I’ve been teaching you. What I believe, I believe whole heartedly. I am convinced that I have found things in life that are worth passing on to you and I refuse to let you find your own way without telling you what I have already learned. I pray always that you have the ears to hear them and the strength of character to let them work in you too.

I want you to know above all else, how much I love you. I also want you to know that my love for you is unconditional and not based on your performance. Most of your choices are excellent and I can see wisdom working in you. A few of your choices have not always made me proud, but I believe in your right to make them. I have found also that many of the things you have done that I would not have done if it were up to me, ended up being right. It proves once again that I don’t know everything.

I have told you this before and I mean it. When everyone else has left you twisting in the wind, as long as I’m here, I will be the one standing behind you helping you. Together we will dig you out of whatever hole you find yourself in. I am always on your side and I will always help you.

I want you to know that I think you are pretty. You got your looks from your mom (thank the Lord).

I want you to see that your physical beauty is only a small part of who you are. The truth about physical beauty is that it’s fleeting. It doesn’t ultimately matter how many blouses, purses, or shoes you have. Eventually you will be putting them on an old person. Don’t build your identity on your beauty because it WILL change and then where will you be? Proverbs 11:22 says “A ring of gold in the nose of a sow – a fair woman and stubborn of behavior” (YLT). In the BBE (Bible in basic English) translation it reads “Like a ring of gold in the nose of a pig, is a beautiful woman who has no sense”. As you can see, the really important stuff about being attractive doesn’t come from the outside. The true quality of a person comes from the inside. Yes, a gold ring is pretty, just make sure everything behind it is awesome too.  This brings me to the next point.

I want you to understand that you not only can, but need to walk in personal discipline. Truthfully, most people don’t really care how you feel. They care about what you do. It’s your actions in life that will be rewarded and/or punished. Think about it. From your earliest school years all the way up to your job today, reward and punishment are based on your performance. What you do. This is important because you need to understand the power of your will. You can choose to act contrary to how you feel. Remember Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane? He didn’t want to go forward. When He said “Nevertheless, not my will but your will be done”, there were two wills at work there and they were NOT the same. He decided to submit Himself to His Father’s will. By doing that He illustrated for us that our will is FAR stronger than our feelings. We can choose to put on a smile and go forward with our day. We can be pleasant and friendly when inside, we don’t feel like it. We can be helpful and kind when inside, we may want to smack people. We can stand by faith when we feel like falling.  Author and speaker Andy Andrews says it like this “Self discipline is the ability to make yourself do something you don’t necessarily want to do, to get a result you would really like to have.”

Acting appropriately when you don’t want to will open you up to more and better opportunities than will be given to those who are lazy, selfish and have an attitude of entitlement. Keep that in mind because no one who ever accomplished anything significant did it by themselves. You will need the favor, guidance and the help of those who have gone ahead of you.

Above all, remember that the value of a thing is based on what someone is willing to pay for it. The Bible says in Leviticus 17:11 that the life of the body is in the blood. That means that the very life of God the son, was shed & spent to purchase you. To redeem or “buy you back” to God and out from under the curse that came from man’s first disobedience. This means that you are immeasurably valuable to God. He loves you, wants the best for you, has designed a wonderful path for you and has given you His Spirit to empower you to live it.

I also want you to remember that you stand in His circle.  Circumstance = the circle you stand in.  You have both been made the Righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.  Because of this right standing with God, you are standing in Jesus’ circle.  His circumstance is that of victor!  He’s given His victory to you!

As I write, I realize that I can’t even scratch the surface. There are many paragraphs that I have removed from this post to keep it reasonably sized. There are also some subjects that need their own post. We can’t give them the attention they require in this post.

Often I pray specifically for you two that you will have the wisdom, understanding & patience to walk your walk. I pray this according to Col 1:9-11.

A special Happy Birthday to my baby girl.  21 today!

I love you both with all my heart.

Dad

Here’s How To Get Important Things Done!

Last week I was listening to a leadership podcast & the guy who produces this particular podcast began to share how he had become stuck. He talked about his difficulty producing the podcast because of both personal & professional challenges, as well as other difficulties that had arisen and were stealing his attention. I went back to check and this man had only produced two podcasts the entire summer. He really was struggling.

Clock image

I can relate to his issues. There are many things out there that will steal our time, energy and even our enthusiasm. If we let them, they can distract us from giving our attention and energy to the things that are the most important to us. If not dealt with, they could lead to a life where we can never seem to get traction.  We get derailed by things that don’t really matter and fail to accomplish things that do.  Goals that we hold dear are left undone.

I have noticed that, at least for me, it has been challenging in two main areas. Time & motivation.

When it comes to time, we all have the same amount. I heard Rev. Keith Moore say in a recent message that the Lord had been dealing with him to do a certain thing, and he was resisting. He felt that he didn’t have enough time. The Lord showed him that if he didn’t have enough time to do God’s will for his life, he was wasting time. The Lord knows how much time we have and would not ask us to do something that we simply could not do. If God has the plan, He also has the schedule. We just simply need to be led.

For me it seemed for quite a while that I didn’t have time for the things that were important to me because I was too busy doing all of the regular maintenance things. Things like mowing the grass or changing the oil.  I believe this blog is one of the most important things that I do, but it has been hard to keep up with because of all of the “urgent” demands on my time. I want to stay in shape and it seemed like the optimum time for me to work out was right after work. The gym that I go to is right off of a highway that I am already driving so it is easy to get to. The problem was that commitments, errands & the mundane every day stuff kept demanding my time right after work and it became difficult to be consistent with my workouts.  It also became difficult finding the time to be consistent creating good content for the blog.

Consider this. One of the most important assets you have is your time. It’s what your employer is paying you money for. Why is he or she paying you for your time? Because they have too much to do and don’t have enough time of their own, so they buy yours. It’s interesting to me that even though our time is so precious, we often treat it like it’s trivial and meaningless. Have you ever heard the expression Just wasting time or Killing time? If we would only realized how valuable and limited our time is, I think we would be “like a man on fire” trying to spend it in meaningful ways, and strive not be wasteful of even one precious moment.

We all have the same amount of time. We all have 168 hours per week to work with. So how do we make these hours work for us? What can we do different that would make the difference?

I just finished reading a book called Born To Win by Zig Ziglar & his son Tom Ziglar. This was the last book Zig wrote before he went to Heaven in 2012. Zig related a story about his mentor P.C. Merrill who told the young Zig Ziglar that while he thought Zig had great potential, he was currently a waste. He then said that if Zig would just believe in himself and have what he (Merrill) called an organized work schedule, he could go straight to the top. Zig believed him and this turned out to be a defining moment in Zig’s life. If you have followed or read after Zig Ziglar even a little bit, what becomes apparent was his passion for helping people and that he talked a lot about goals & getting things done. Without doubt we can see what he accomplished in his life and I believe it came from seeing himself as God sees him – a success, and learning the secret of setting goals & working to a schedule.

I have heard it said that if you don’t have a plan for your time, someone else will, and their plan will not be to your benefit. We need to take some time and observe where our time is leaking away and fix the leaks. This may involve saying no to people. For me this required making some decisions. First, I didn’t know that much about time management but I found help. Michael Hyatt offers a free e-book when you subscribe to his email list to receive his blog posts. The book is called “Shave 10 Hours Off Your Workweek”. You can find more about it at michaelhyatt.com. Also, I had to make some decisions about how I spent my time. I needed to cut back on television. The New York Times reported that the average American watches about 5 hours of TV a day. Wow! I made some solid decisions concerning TV. I no longer have any shows that I HAVE TO watch. I also try to schedule my TV time so that I can spend it with my family. I have also realized that the hour or two right after work need to be “wild card” hours. There are too many variables that can change my schedule in that time. I also started getting up at 4:30 AM to spend quality time with God and to work out. No one else wants my 4:30 AM so it’s all mine. I spend the first 3-1/2 hours each day with prayer, Bible reading, working out & reading. I don’t stay up as late these days but I’ve discovered that staying up late doesn’t translate into hours of productivity. It usually translated into hours wasted on Netflix. For me the hours in the morning are far more productive.

If you don’t have a plan for your time, someone else will, and their plan will not be to your benefit.

Dr. Stephen Covey, author of the book Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People had an illustration that spoke volumes about time management. He told the story of a Business School instructor who presented to his class a one gallon mason jar and three bowls. The first bowl was filled with sand. The second bowl was filled with what looked gravel. The third bowl was filled with seven large rocks. He would have a student fill the container from the three bowls assuring them that all of the contents would fit. The student started by pouring in the sand, followed by the gravel and then finally the 7 large rocks. They quickly discovered that most of the big rocks would not fit. He then demonstrated that by putting in the 7 big rocks first, then pouring in the gravel around them and then the sand which filled up ever available space, the container held everything.

The secret to this illustration was simple. Put in the big rocks first. There are an unending supply of trivial, meaningless details in our lives that steal our time and rob us of our goals. If we allow them, they keep us from doing the things we truly care about. We need to schedule our priorities to do the important things first. You define what the big rocks mean. Do you want to help others? Do you want more time with your kids? Focus more on your faith? It’s important to keep in mind that we need to do the important things first or we will never get them done at all.

What tips do you use to keep yourself on track & moving forward? I would love to hear from you. Please join the conversation by leaving a comment.

You might be more connected than you think!

I recently heard a prominent minister tell a story about his daughter. He said that when she was five, she came up to the ministry office and she was running down the hall to see her dad. When someone stopped her and scolded her for running in the executive hallway at the ministry, her response was “Don’t you know who I am?” and then she turned and kept on running down the hall. The point was that when you’re born into the family, you have privilege that others don’t have. He said that even when he didn’t live at home anymore, he would still have the right to go over into his dad’s garage & borrow a tool.  The minister used these illustrations to demonstrate where we stand with God if we have made Jesus our Lord and are God’s children.

I was 10 years old when my parents divorced. I was the oldest boy in my family and with my dad being out of the picture, one of the things that became evident was that I was now responsible for fixing my mom’s exhaust pipe on her car. While my dad was very mechanically inclined, I didn’t have a lot of experience with cars or tools. As a matter of fact, I had very few tools and one of the main tools I had was a fence tool.

A fence tool is a tool that combines pliers, a flat head screw driver, a hammer, a hatchet and a sort of open end wrench. With very few exceptions, this was all I had to work with. I could work virtual wonders with an empty tin can, a couple of wire coat hangers & that fence tool. As you can guess, my solutions were temporary but I gave it my pre-teen best.

Multitool fence tool

Fence Tool

A year or so later, we were at my aunt & uncle’s house for Christmas and my uncle gave me a socket set. He didn’t buy it for me, he actually bought it for his brother but his brother was unable to make. I always wondered why he didn’t just send it to his brother. Anyway, he gave me my first socket set. I don’t know if any of the sockets survived but I do know that I still have the ratchet and I still use it.

A few years later, when I was about 17, another uncle took me out to his garage, he got an old tool box that he wasn’t using and then proceeded to build me a tool collection with all of the tools that he had duplicates of. I walked away that day with a better than average set of tools. I still have and use most of them today.

If I look at my life based on my broken home, or my absentee dad, it doesn’t look like I had anything working for me. For years I used this as my excuse for not getting anywhere in life. After all, I didn’t have access to the garage with the tools, the house, the family or the man. Even if I knew where it was, I was not allowed in. I didn’t have so much that I thought I should have had, and because of that I spent years feeling sorry for myself. I soaked in self pity because I was disadvantaged and didn’t have so many of the opportunities that others had. Poor me.

It took me a long time to realize that God did not leave me without help. Not only did He give me good examples to follow, but He also provided the tools I needed to get by. He put men in my life who had compassion on me and who taught me so many things. Those experiences working on my mom’s exhaust taught me that I could do a lot with a little. They also taught me how to improvise.

I began to understand a very profound truth that changed my life forever. It’s found in Rom 8:31. It says “What, then, can we say about all of this? If God is for us, who can be against us?” When I began to understand this truth, I began to understand that, even though I don’t know anybody, and even though I am not born into money, I am not disadvantaged. God IS for me. He wants the best for me. He’s working behind the scenes all the time to cause all things to work out for my good because I love Him and have submitted to His call and purpose. All I need is faith in God! Faith in God is enough.

The Bible says that God is no respecter of persons. This means that if He did it for me, He will do it for you. If you turn to Him and allow Him to be big in your life, you will not be disadvantaged either. He will get into your situations and begin working behind the scenes to cause the best possible outcome. Remember, Nothing is impossible with God and all things are possible to them who believe. (Matt 19:26, Mark 10:27, Luke 1:37 & Mark 9:23)

That fence tool is long gone, but if I had it now, I’d probably display it in a shadow box on my wall to remind me of where I’ve been and to be thankful that I’m not where I used to be. I have to admit though, I would probably take it out from time to time and throw it at a tree. The 12 year old me used to do that too.

Are Your Wounds Not Healing As Fast As You Want Them To?

I like to work with wood. Many of the tools I use in woodworking are used for cutting and so they need to be sharp. That includes hand tools. While I usually clamp my projects in a vise, sometimes, if they are too large or oddly shaped, I have to hold them while working on them. Because I’m right handed, I’m usually holding the board or project with my left hand and because of that, my left hand ends up with all of the scars from the various accidents I’ve had over the years. My left hand has quite a few. Anyway, I have had a few cuts that probably should have had stitches but I didn’t get any. Because I didn’t though, the wound kept re-opening when I would move my hand a certain way. I used butterfly band-aids & all kinds of dressing, but certain movements would still open up the wound. Because of that, it took these cuts far longer to heal and the scar may be more visible because of it.

3 hand planes

When I close my eyes and think back to when I was a little boy, I can see my mom scolding me because I wouldn’t leave my scabbed knee alone. I would scratch and pick at it until sometimes I would cause it to start bleeding all over again. As adults, sometimes we are like that with emotional wounds. We won’t leave them alone to heal. We keep ripping the scab off of the wound. We do it with our words. We keep bringing up a hurt and rehearsing it. With someone who has hurt us in the past, all that has to happen is that their name comes up in conversation, and then so does the past and that time when they did that thing that you just can’t seem to get over. The wound starts to seep again because you couldn’t leave it alone for some reason. What’s the answer?

Scripture gives us a clear road to recovery.

  1. Love. Jesus said to His disciples in John 15:12 “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I loved you.” This is a specific Love to a specific group. As we follow Him, we are to love one another as He has loved us. There is no greater expression of His love toward us than that He has forgiven us. The Bible says in 2 Cor 5:19 that God was not and is not imputing our trespasses against us. God’s not holding your past against you but has in Christ completely forgiven you so that if you have received Christ as your Lord, you can stand before Him as if you have never done anything wrong. That is complete forgiveness.
  2. Forgive. Jesus said in Mark 11:25 “And when you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive it, so that your Father in Heaven may also forgive your deviations” LITV. The word forgive here in scripture literally means to send forth, to forsake, lay aside or yield up. You probably have heard people say “I forgive them but I can never forget” but that can not be true. To truly forgive means that when those thoughts come up, not only do you not talk them out but you intentionally cast them down and purposefully not think on them. You choose to forsake the hurt. You choose to lay aside the injury. You choose to forgive
  3. Turn your mouth around. Instead of rehearsing the past hurts, next time the opportunity arises to talk about the hurt, don’t do it! Make a decision that you will not continue to rehearse the past and scratch the wound back open. Instead, choose words of love, kindness and forgiveness. Intentionally say good things about the person who hurt you. Ask God to guide you. He will give you words to say.
  4. Walk in wisdom. Just like in woodworking, I learned the hard way that I need to pay attention to my actions and the potential for accidents and trouble. I need to look down the road and consider the results of my actions and words. If I don’t want people to be offended, then I need to make sure I’m not offensive. The easiest way to get past a physical or emotional injury is to simply not have one.


“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” 
 Mark Twain

 

When you find yourself in the thick of it though, remember, walk in love, walk in forgiveness, turn your mouth around and finally, walk in wisdom to avoid trouble in the future.

When true forgiveness is present, it shows us that real love is also present because love is shown in forgiveness. It is the hallmark that God is on the scene.

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” 
 Martin Luther King Jr.

I want to encourage you this week to examine yourself & look for pockets of unforgiveness in your heart. Don’t be easy on yourself. Are you holding a grudge? Are there things that you haven’t let go of? Make the choice this week to forgive. Don’t let your hurt contaminate any more of your future. Choose freedom.

Five Steps You Can Take To Safeguard Yourself Against Online Porn.

Several years ago we started a subscription to a popular satellite T.V. network.  Included in our initial subscription were a couple of premium channels.  They were a value added bonus for signing up that we would later need to start paying for if we wanted to keep them.  The night our subscription began, I sat down and started flipping through the channels only to discover that we had ALL the channels.  From what I could gather, apparently the satellite company had to install a block in order to keep the subscriber from receiving certain channels and they had not done that yet.  I began surfing through all the new stuff.  You don’t want to settle on anything until you have seen everything that’s available.  You don’t want to start something you would probably enjoy only to find out that you missed something that you might have enjoyed more.  As I was surfing along, I started running across channels I did not need to see.  I’m a man.  Men are visually stimulated when it comes to sex.  There are a lot of things that I can see and it might not ever register in my mind that I saw it.  There are other things that I can see for just a millisecond and I am consciously aware immediately that I saw it.  The naked female form is one of those.

Be Faithful computer graphic image card

As I was bouncing through the channels, I ran across several in a row that “Snagged” my attention.  I got up, went to my wife, handed her the remote and told her to put a parental block on everything that was rated R and above, and that she was to be the only one who could unblock any program.  If I needed to see something, I would come get her to unblock that program.  We needed to keep that block on the TV for a few days because it took that long for the satellite company to block those channels.  That did two things.  It removed access and created oversight.  I know that for the most part I probably would have been fine, but I am not deceived.  I also know that I get tired and I would be a fool to think that I would not be tempted.  The simple answer was to create accountability.  There were a couple of times before the satellite company put the blocks in place that I had to go ask my wife to unblock a show, but by doing this, she was made aware of what I was watching and could question any of the programs.

While the Internet is a truly remarkable tool, It is also shark infested water.  While there are those out there who don’t see the harm in pornography, in reality, it corrupts our thinking toward the opposite sex and is actively destroying marriages all over the world.

In order to break free and stay free of the traps of pornography in this digital age, you have to first and foremost want to be free.  If you don’t really want to, or don’t really see the need, then any measure that someone else tries to force on you will not be successful.  However, If you’re serious about it, here are some practical, actionable steps that you can take.

  1. Remove internet access from your home. While this may seem a little drastic, it’s really a matter of how serious you are and whether or not you have help at home.  Accountability really helps in this fight but if you live alone you may need to restrict your internet access to the public library.
  2. Get the computer out in the open.  There was a time that I set my laptop on an end table in our living room and that was the primary place I would use it.  This gave me automatic oversight because everyone else frequented that room, and no one could do anything questionable on that computer with out running high risk of being caught.  I also did it so that my wife could see that I was serious about oversight and that I was willfully submitting to her accountability.  It also gave an example to my daughters of a dad who was practicing what he preached.
  3. Have a “Barge In” policy.  We have an office in our house.  It’s a converted bedroom.  This is where the desktop computer is.  It’s the most powerful computer in the house so I use it for stuff that’s heavy on graphics like video editing.  I have always told my wife and daughters that if I’m in the computer room with the door closed, they have the right to enter without knocking.  I want that for me and for them.
  4. No Net after Nine.  I heard a statistic in Bible school that most men are tempted to view pornography between the hours of 10 & midnight.  If you have struggled with this and seem to fall over and over again, make a rule for yourself that you will not get online after 9 p.m.   It’s much easier to avoid the temptation if you don’t go near a computer.
  5. Get an accountability buddy.  Ask the Lord to lead you concerning this.  It’s important that this person be someone you can truly trust.  Someone who is available and will help you with out judging or condemning you.  In order for this to be effective, you must make a solid decision to be honest with them.  It’s really pointless without honesty.

As you can see, the problem is not really the internet.  The real problem is isolation.  The enemy is always more affective in any temptation when he can get someone isolated and away from accountability and positive influences.  Just remember. Real freedom comes from a change of heart, not just a change of habit.  When porn is kept secret, it’s being protected.  Only when your heart is right and you really want to be rid of it will you make the choice to drag it into the light, become accountable and submit yourself to oversight.

If your serious, God can help.  Ask Him to show you what you need to see and to teach you what you need to know.  He will.  He’s faithful!  If you’re not sure about where you stand with God, I’ve created a pdf explaining all that God has done to reach you and how He has given you open access to Himself.  You can download that PDF by clicking here.  I’ve also created a short video to explain what to do and walk you through the process.  You can access that video by clicking here.

To learn more and to get additional help with porn addiction, please check out the sites below.

http://www.xxxchurch.com/

http://www.covenanteyes.com/

http://www.fredstoeker.com/

I just want to take a minute and thank each of you who reads and participates in my blog.  I appreciate you all more than you know.

I have struggled recently to post consistently because of my job demanding so much time.  After prayerful consideration, I have decided to change my primary post day to Monday.  I have found that I have more time to prepare quality content and get more engagement when I have posted at the beginning of the week instead of the beginning of the weekend.

I would ask you again to share this if it has been helpful and if you think it could help someone else.

Kicking Discouragement To The Curb.

Some people don’t like you. I hope this newsflash didn’t just make you fall out of your chair, shocked with disbelief and unable to function. It however, is a very real fact, much like realizing that Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny aren’t real. Umm… Hopefully I didn’t just mess up your reality.

Kick discouragement to the curb

You are probably awesome in every way, multiplied by ten with a slice of pie on the side, but you are still not going to be everyone’s taste. There are people who don’t know you and have never had a conversation with you who do not like you and are not going to give you a chance. Then there are the people who do know you and still don’t like you. In spite of your stupendous & sparkling personality, some just won’t…and that’s okay.

“One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.” ― Dale Carnegie

We all want to be liked…..by everyone. We don’t like being disliked. We sometimes get caught up playing this game of reading, interpreting and responding to the words & actions of others and constantly modify our behavior to either be viewed in a favorable light or at least avoid being judged. In reality, very few people are paying that much attention to us anyway. As Michael Hyatt likes to say, most people are tuned in to WWIFM. What’s In It For Me.

In reality, we have quite a bit of control over what others think of us. M. Farouk Radwan wrote “Before you encounter strangers, authority figures or important people don’t tell yourself “now I will know how they see me” but instead tell yourself “let me tell them who I am”.

I met someone a while back that I was really looking forward to meeting. I had heard good things about them and I liked them even before I met them. They did not respond to me the way I thought they would though. They started off and remained distant and cool. I poured on the charm, convinced that If they knew me better, surely they would like me. Nothing changed and eventually, I had to make a choice. Continue to change my behavior to please them in an effort to try to win them over, or push them to the sidelines in my life and continue to move forward doing what I know to do.

“Critic’s math. (1 insult + 1,000 compliments = 1 insult.)”.  -Jon Acuff

Do you know people who seem to always be seeking the approval of others? Constantly changing their behavior and laboring to be accepted. Being disliked creates anxiety in these people and provokes them to make choices, even choices they know are wrong, just to fit into the crowd. Scientific research has shown that fear of being judged has caused some people to intentionally choose the incorrect answer, knowing that it was incorrect, because everyone else did.

I am a Bible believing Christian, as I know many of my readers are. Making a stand for Christ has put us in line for persecution because of what we believe. Persecution is one of the things Jesus said we would have as long as we’re here. It’s the one promise that no believer really wants to receive. None the less, it’s so. I believe the Bible is God speaking to me. I believe the bible so strongly that I have made it the final authority in my life. Because of that, I study it and seek the Holy Spirit’s help to understand the heart of the Father more and more. My Christianity is not about a religious exercise. It’s about a relationship with God. I want to please him in all I think, say & do. Because of this, when it comes to my God, I have already “Picked my fight” so to speak. I have made my stand and I am fully committed to Him. Some may think I’m foolish or uninformed but that’s okay. I have already considered their words and have pushed them to the sidelines that I might continue to move forward and live by the convictions that He has put in my heart. Paul, the apostle said it this way :

Php 3:8 Yes truly, and I am ready to give up all things for the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, which is more than all: for whom I have undergone the loss of all things, and to me they are less than nothing, so that I may have Christ as my reward, (BBE)

The reasons why people don’t like you, criticize you or harass you will vary. In some cases they are probably just being inconsiderate . Others may be intentionally trying to discourage you and shut you down. That was the case with the unbelieving Jews that paid their own way & followed Paul around persecuting him. They were trying to shut him up. Some even swore an oath that they wouldn’t eat until they killed him. That is outright devilish hatred.

“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.”  ―Winston S. Churchill

You may have people out there who are not trying to add creative criticism to your life at all. They are actively trying to discourage you and to get you to disconnect from your focus. You have to push these critical voices to the sidelines. If certain people are only discouraging to you, then you will have to marginalize them in order to move forward. Don’t hate them or start running them down, gossiping about them or hating them back. Rather, pray for them. And rather than letting their harsh words take the wind out of your sails, just push them to the side. Make a decision that you will not allow them to discourage you and if possible, take steps to stop hearing their voices.

The stronger the stand you make for anything, the greater the opposition will be. People are allowed to have a dissenting opinion. In the Unites States they even have the right to free speech. But they don’t have the right to be heard. You do not have to listen. Just keep living consistent with your values and keep on stepping. One of the five regrets of the dying is the regret of not being more true to one’s self – (Ms. Bronnie Ware – The Next Web).   Living true to your convictions is too important to trade for the fickle approval of people who don’t really care about you.

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”                      ― Winston S. Churchill

In his ebook “The Hater’s Handbook” Jon Acuff says it like this: Critic’s math. (Which is “1 insult + 1,000 compliments = 1 insult.”). Too many times we center in on the critical dissenting voice and ignore all of the wonderful people encouraging and cheering us on. Let’s you and I made a decision this week to marginalize the negative and discouraging voices and instead, focus on the ones who are encouraging us and helping us stay connected with our mission and purpose.

How have you dealt with and overcome criticism? Please join the conversation & leave a comment.

The Whole Story…You Probably Don’t Know It!

Usually when I write my blog posts, I seek God about what to write because I understand that truthfully, anything good is going to be because He gives it to me. I like the way Rev. Keith Moore said it, “Without Him (God) your feet couldn’t find the floor in the morning”.  It’s the God given inspiration and anointing that makes anything I write worth reading. Often, there are specific things that have caused me to want to address an issue. Sometimes I get inspired because I have witnessed someone struggling in an area of their life and I want to help. Or maybe I’ve struggled, gained the victory over the struggle and want to share how the Lord helped me. Sometimes I write because people have reached out to me and asked me to address certain things. Because of these reasons, I often find myself writing as if I’m actually talking to a specific person. Even if I’m not, I sort of create an avatar or a representative of the people I’m writing to in order to enhance the flow of the way I write. I have received a little push back in the past because some people didn’t like the way I have said certain things and they thought my emphasis should have been different. The bottom line is that they didn’t have my perspective. I always endeavor to understand their perspective and I believe we should at least consider all feedback and ask ourselves the question “is it valid?” Usually, the ones being critical, had they moved a little closer and asked a question or two, would have no doubt had a better understanding of my choices. Where there is no understanding though, there will usually be misunderstanding. People fill in the blanks for themselves. We can only hope it’s with the truth.

GavelMany years ago I was in an apprenticeship to become a printing pressman. The man who was training me was a really good guy and he became a trusted friend. We would often take breaks together and during these breaks, we would discuss all sorts of things. Fairly often we would discuss the state of the company we worked for and diagnose all of the shortcomings it had. We would say things like “Can’t they see?” or “Are they blind?” while griping about the management and their utter failure to see the messed up things we were seeing. Then it happened. The pressman who was training me, the one who had become my friend, was asked to take over the management of our department. I was very happy for him and pretty excited for us. I mean, here was a guy who knew our daily struggle. He understood our problems. For the first several weeks of his time as my supervisor, he was literally tied up in meetings nearly non-stop. We rarely saw him and didn’t really have much time to talk. He was no longer hourly and also no longer took breaks with us.
It came as a little bit of a shock to me though, when the opportunities would come up to address some of the things we used to gripe about during our break times, and he would not change anything. He made the same decisions that he used to complain about when someone else was making them. I didn’t understand. He’s a good man and he’s honest. Why was he being such a hypocrite?

I later had an opportunity to talk to him and what he told me has stayed with me all these years. He told me that he hadn’t seen the whole picture. Once he became responsible for the department and began to see the things that were REALLY important, it changed his perspective. Once he learned the management rules he had to abide by and had to work within the framework that I didn’t see, there was little he could actually do that was different than what was being done.

We ought to get out of the judging business. We should leave it up to God to determine who belongs in one arena or another when it comes to eternity. What we are obligated to do is to tell people about Jesus, and that’s what I do.

Tony Campolo

I have found that to be true in my own life more times than I care to count. I have seen people from a distance and how they were acting didn’t make any sense to me. If I didn’t watch myself, I would find myself judging them. Then if I had a chance to get a little closer, my perspective would begin to change. If I got close enough to the situation, I would usually see exactly why they were acting the way they were and why they had made the choices they made. I would then realize how unqualified I was to judge their situation and how important it was for me to, in the legendary word of *Matt Foley, motivational speaker “Shut my big Yapper!”

I have hurt people and damaged relationships over the years because I would speak when I had no place to speak and judge before I had any real perspective. This is VERY foolish. Proverbs 29:11 says “A fool bringeth out all his mind, and the wise till afterwards restraineth it” (Young’s Literal Translation). The King James Version says it this way, “A fool uttereth all his mind, but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.” In other words, what we see here is that usually the fool will be the one running their mouth. I have been this guy. I’m sure you have too. I hate it when I suddenly realize that I was being a fool and allowing my enemy (Satan) to use my mouth to hurt or discourage other people. I am not qualified to be their judge and I need to endeavor constantly to keep this perspective. This is true humility. When the Bible speaks of Meekness, it doesn’t mean weakness. This is what it’s talking about. Humility.

“By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship

In John 9 we see an interesting story about a man who was born blind. Because he was blind, he was a beggar. Everyone in the vicinity knew him as the beggar. One Sabbath day Jesus spit on the ground, made clay, put it in the man’s eyes and told him to go wash in a certain pool. When the man did, he was completely healed and had sight.

Once the rulers of the day heard about this, they got ticked off. They reasoned that according to the Law of Moses, no one is supposed to work on the Sabbath day and Jesus made clay on the Sabbath day so He surely can’t be from God. They began to try to discredit the miracle. Religion built on form will do this though. It tries to minimize the true move of God because it didn’t happen in a way consistent with the bylaws of the organization. Really! How much clay can spit make? It’s not like He filled up a truck bed full of it! Their perspective was built on forms, rules & regulations instead of a true relationship with God. Seriously, a man blind from birth just saw the world for the first time because of Jesus!

Later, we find that through a long line of questioning, the man who was healed made the rulers so angry that they excommunicated him. He was “thrown out of church” so to speak because he asked them the question “will you believe too?”. Jesus found him later and through a short conversation, revealed that He (Jesus) was the Son of God. The man believed on Him and began to worship him. Now listen to this, this is important. Here’s the point. Jesus then says:

Joh 9:39 And Jesus said, I came into this world to be a judge, so that those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind. 40 These words came to the ears of the Pharisees who were with him and they said to him, Are we, then, blind? 41 Jesus said to them, If you were blind you would have no sin: but now that you say, We see; your sin is there still.

The point Jesus is hammering home here is that when you and I judge, we are saying “We see”. We are saying that we see, know and understand the difference between right and wrong in the situation. If we do actually see, then we are announcing that we are accountable in this area. We know what’s right. We know what’s good.

James 4:17 says “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin”. That’s why when you judge others, you are actually condemning yourself. You see the difference and know right from wrong. When you blow it, you have condemned yourself. And if we don’t actually see even though we say we do, we’re revealing how much pride is running our lives because we’re pretending to be more spiritual than we really are.

Have you ever heard anyone say “I just don’t understand how they could do that _____”. What these people are saying is that they have never faced that decision, struggled with that problem or been tempted in that area. Now consider this. Maybe it’s the mercy of God that they have never faced it. Maybe, if THEY had to face it, they would just cave in and make all the wrong decisions. Maybe the reason you have never been tempted like someone else has is because God knows that if YOU faced it, you would immediately fall, so He in His mercy is holding it back from you. See how stupid being judgmental is?

“In all affairs it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.”
― Bertrand Russell

So what’s the take away? Here are three ways we hurt ourselves when we judge others.

  1. We hurt them and cause damage to our relationship with them.
  2. We condemn ourselves because we state and go on record that we know the difference.
  3. We cause God to resist us because when we judge, we are walking in pride and yielding to the enemy.

It’s so important to ask God for help in walking in humility. As the scripture states, He gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6 & 1 Pet 5:5).

What steps have you taken that have helped you to avoid being critical and judgmental? Please leave a comment and join the conversation. Also, if this has helped you and you believe it can help someone you know, please consider forwarding it.

 

*Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker, was a fictional character portrayed by Chris Farley on Saturday Night Live.

Here’s One Big Reason Why I’ve Made It This Far.

Joe: “Bill, why did they bury your mother in law so deep? 10 feet is a little much don’t you think?”

Bill: “Well, deep down she’s a pretty good lady”.

A lot of people do not like their mother in law. While searching the Internet for information and statistics about this subject, it became pretty clear that many people struggle with the In-Law relationship. The mother in law has become the brunt of a lot of jokes. By far, the majority of the information indicates that the daughter in law / mother in law relationship is the more contentious relationship in comparison to the son in law / mother in law relationship.

My Mother in Law is Awesome and a Half!

My mother in law’s name is Mary. I just want to say right away that I love Mary very much. She’s awesome and a half!

Mary has been a constant source of support and encouragement for as long as I’ve known her. When you meet her, it becomes evident early on that she puts high value on people and relationships. She has a big heart that’s full of compassion for people in need.

I’ve seen her bring people into her home and make them feel like they were part of the family again and again. She’s quick to invite people to dinner who are new in town and don’t know anyone, inviting some to spend the holidays with our family and even buying them gifts so that they will have something to open when we all open gifts.

Mary has a heart for God. Her heart’s desire is to please Him and be used by Him. She is committed to personal study and prayer. She’s always ready with an encouraging word and publishes her own inspirational blog. I encourage you to check it out. Just click this ridiculously huge blue button.

Huge blue button

https://maryruwe.wordpress.com

 

On more than one occasion Mary has put an arm around me and just said “We’re glad you’re a part of our family”. She has helped me build my faith through some of our long phone conversations, and she’s helped me build my library over the years with many faith building books and tapes. She has also been an enthusiastic supporter as I have stepped out to fulfill my calling.

The book of Ruth in the Old Testament is a small book. It’s only four chapters long and it tells us about a woman named Naomi and her daughter in law Ruth. Naomi’s family moved to the land of Moab for better opportunity. While there the two sons married two Moabite women, Orpah and Ruth. As time went by, Naomi’s husband died and then a while later both sons also died. Naomi determined to go back to her home town and told the daughters in law to return to their father’s house because there was no benefit for them to stay. While Orpah was sad, she kissed her mother in law and then returned to her father’s house. Ruth however, would not leave Naomi’s side. Because of that relationship, they both were ultimately blessed and Ruth turned out to be King David’s great grandmother. None of that would have happened without that powerful relationship between Ruth and her mother in law.

This relationship does not have to be a rocky one. It can instead be a relationship that God can use to make a difference in the lives of all it touches.

Mary, you have been a source of strength, support and encouragement to all of us. I am glad to be a part of your family.

Mary celebrated a birthday last week and I intended to publish this post then. Stuff got in the way. Don’t forget to check out Mary’s inspirational blog for yourself.  Just Click Here – https://maryruwe.wordpress.com/

Undermining Your Own Credibility

We’ve all done it.  Limited ourselves by our words.  Today I share insight in the video below on how word choice can cost you in influence.

 

I would love to hear what you think about this.  Have you ever noticed where someone was destroying their own credibility?  Please join the conversation and leave a comment.  If this is helpful to you and you think it can help someone else, please consider sharing.