I’ve seen a lot of Memes & image cards on the internet that tell me what a good man is, or what a good man will do.
Here are some characteristics gleaned from social media about what a Real or Good man is.
He listens.
He reads.
He’s secure enough to have her stand in the lime-light.
He’s romantic.
He minds his manners.
He holds the door open.
He understands that he doesn’t know everything.
He makes a conscious effort to learn something new every day.
He reads this without being offended.
He treasures a woman’s heart after he’s won it.
He doesn’t have time to look at another woman because he’s too busy looking for ways to love his own.
He changes himself because he loves his woman.
He’s careful with his decisions & actions so he’s never responsible for her pain.
A real man will make missing you his hobby, caring for you his job, and making you happy his duty, and loving you his life.
Do you agree with these? When it comes to being a real good man, I think most of them are narrowly focused and missing the point.
While I think that too many women are already yoked to a man who is not worth having, one of the underlying themes in my writing is to help that. I want to write about being a man of quality. In relationships, being a man worth having.
One of my first jobs that didn’t involve delivering newspapers or mowing grass was as a dish washer for the local Elk’s Club. One day while on my way home from work, I came to a red light and there was a car stopped in front of me. While waiting for the light to turn green I noticed in the car in front of me, the man behind the wheel, closed fist punching the woman in the passenger seat. He punched her 4 or 5 times that I could see. I was just stunned. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I’m a teenager & I didn’t really know what to do. All I could think of was that I should maybe honk my horn or something to let him know that I was witnessing his abuse. The light changed, they were gone and I did nothing.
That incident has come to my mind many times over the years and I have rolled it over and over in my mind, trying to determine what the best & most appropriate action should have been. It bothers me when I think about it because I wasn’t raised thinking it was acceptable to hit women and I still wish to this day that I had done something.
She needs to know you’re not going to hit her or abuse her. If you have a tendency to lose your temper and hit and If you are going to torment and punish her for choosing you, you are not a man worthy of the relationship. To be a man worth having, you need to show her that she’s safe with you.
A few years ago a woman I knew was let go from her job. The company had been sold and was being moved to another state. We all knew her fairly well and we knew that her husband hadn’t had a job in some time. When we asked her how she was doing, she said she was doing alright and was doing a little brokering. We asked if her husband was out looking now that she was unemployed, to which she replied with an eye roll “That would be too life altering for him”. We could tell that she didn’t like supporting him and that her whole situation was discouraging to her.
Remember, God gave Adam a job before He gave him a woman. While both spouses can, and many do work outside the home, a husband needs to be a prominent contributor to the financial well being of the family. I don’t think he needs to necessarily be the primary breadwinner, but he also should not making his wife support him while he spends all his time playing, and not contributing. To be a man worth having, provide for your family & make sure they have what they need.
There’s a guy I knew once that used to call his wife fat in front of his relatives. I used to ask myself why he would do that, but it doesn’t take much thought to really understand why. She was over weight. She knew she was over weight. He knew she was over weight. Everyone who saw her knew she was over weight. What was the point of calling it out and drawing focus to it? He was unhappy with her weight and was trying to shame her into changing it.
To be a man worth having, you need have her back, to look out for her and protect her. Not just physically, but also spiritually and emotionally. Not causing her to be publicly humiliated, but rather, to run interference for her.
When my wife and I are out together, I can usually see when a conversation or an interaction is going weird for her. I see it coming and interject myself to take steps to stop it or change it’s direction. When I recognized that there were things that I would do in front of others that bothered her, I took steps to quit doing them. Why? Because I’m her covenant partner and I’m on the lookout for this stuff. She’s my covenant partner and is doing the same for me.
Being a man worth having starts long before any relationship begins. It really starts with a man making solid decisions about the kind of man he wants to be. A man worth having is a man of honor, integrity, humility & faithfulness in every area of his life, not just in relationships. He is these things because God put in him a desire to be these things. He doesn’t do it for her, but any woman in his life will benefit from his commitment to being a man of excellence. While I’m talking about men here, these things don’t only apply to men. These are universal principles and we should all be working to put them into our lives.
So, what do you think? Have I left something out? Leave a comment & let me know your top attribute for a man worth having. I look forward to the conversation.
If this has helped you, please consider sharing. Thanks again,
Art
