Tag Archives: honest

Are you being authentic or just stupid?

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One podcast I enjoy listening to is called Steal The Show with Michael Port. Most of the time, the format of the podcast is that Michael interviewing people that he believes will add value to his listener. Sometimes its just him speaking directly to the listener. In the last few episodes, Michael has touched on what it means to be authentic and quite honestly, he’s got me thinking.

The Bible says in Pro 18:2 A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself.

Barnes commentary on Prov 18:2 says this:  Another form of egotism. In “understanding,” i. e., self-knowledge, the “fool” finds no pleasure; but self-assertion, talking about himself and his own opinions, is his highest joy.

Chameleon

During Michael’s interview with Tucker Max, they discussed in depth about having different rolls for different situations. Tucker speaking quite candidly, said “I’ve always resisted the idea that we should have different rolls for different situations, but it’s kind of an immature, young person thing to do to say ‘No – I have one identity. I’m one person. I’m going to be the same everywhere. That’s the only way to be honest’. That’s that sort of idealistic, nonsense, young person stuff. Finally, I have come around to realize that having different social masks, identities, or rolls is not being fake.”

Michael responds with “To be called a chameleon is generally considered an insult, but a chameleon is adaptive. They are green when they are on a green leaf, they are red when on a red leaf, but they are never faking it. It’s actually part of who they are, and people have those abilities too.”

Michael later interviewed Mark Bowden. Mark is an expert at body language. He comes from an acting & performance background. Mark points out that at any given time, you feel multiple ways about what’s going on. It’s up to you to decide the most appropriate manner to display yourself. In this you are still being authentic, but you are also being wise.

Here’s a simple, personal example of what Mark talked about:

  • This is hard. It’s hard to write things week after week with very little engagement from readers. I don’t know if anyone is listening. I don’t know if it’s going anywhere. I don’t know if I’m really helping anyone. It’s hard to keep moving forward. I could be doing something more fun right now. I’m not sure it’s worth it.
  • This is awesome. I absolutely love doing this blog. I love making a difference in the lives of people. I am so grateful that God has given me this incredible opportunity. I’m making a difference in the lives of people. Even if it’s not today, maybe someone will read my stuff in the future and it will change their life. This is awesome. I have so much to say! I love helping people!

Right now, both of these thoughts exist in me. I have to decide which is appropriate for the situation and yield to that one. I am not betraying myself by shutting down thoughts that I have that don’t help me or move me forward.

It seems to me the idea that, in order to be authentic, we should only have one version of ourselves and force-fit that one version into all situations is a bit stupid.

To a certain extent, I expect to see this in younger people. They are still learning what is important. It breaks my heart to see it in people who are old enough to know better though. They are really hindering themselves. Here’s why.

When you hold to the idea that in order to be true to yourself and to be truly authentic, you must be the one version of YOU in all situation, you are requiring the people and the environment to meet you on your terms. You are requiring them to wrap around you – to serve you, your will, your way. We might call people like this High Maintenance. What they really are is selfish.

On the other hand, when you go into every situation with the idea that “I will be what the situation requires”, you are not being less authentic, you are being the version of you that cares about the people you’re with. You’re being more thoughtful, more compassionate, more helpful. You are people and situation focused instead of me focused. You are still being you, you are just being the better, more giving and caring version of who you really are.

So what do you think? Do you have a story about what it means to authentic? Please join the conversation in the comments.

Also, If this has helped you, please share.

Love you guys.

Art

Four compelling reasons why Honesty is always the right answer.

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Many years ago a friend of mine at work had to supervise a project with a group of people he had never met before. I have no idea what went on during the fulfillment of that project but he came back shaking his head. He commented that he found it scary how easily some people would drift from law abiding to lawless when it was convenient for them to do so. Apparently he had some dishonest people in his group because among other things, they had stolen all of the toilet paper in the building.

Webster’s online dictionary defines Honest as Free from fraud or deception.

Now I personally have never tried to deceive anyone…except for that last sentence…and those other times. I think as a teenager, I made it a full time job to try to deceive my mom. She was pretty hard to fool though and truthfully; I wasn’t a very good liar.

Barefoot on a rock

So, why is honesty so important? Why is it wrong to lie when it’s convenient? After all, you may actually be sparing someone’s feelings by not being honest. Right? Whether you’re a Christian or not, I think there are four really good reasons for us to operate in honesty all the time.

Honesty is the fastest way to prevent a mistake from turning into a failure.  – James Altucher

  1. Conscience. when we lie or intentionally deceive, we violate our own conscience. We may “get away with it” but inside, we know what we’ve done. We will live with the guilt until we either repent, or harden ourselves to it. The primary way God leads his people is with the conscience. That’s why Paul the Apostle spoke so often about having a clear conscience (Acts 23:1, 24:16, Rom 9:1, 1Cor 8:7 – and many more). Hardening our hearts makes it nearly impossible for us to be led and directed by the Holy Spirit because we’re used to over-riding Him by ignoring our conscience. God will even lead you if you are not a Christian. This same leading we could also call a “conviction”. God will deal with your heart when you need to straighten out your relationship with Him.
  2. Trust. Consistent honesty builds trust. Trust is an investment that we make in one another. When you are honest, the trust others put into you is well founded and in your honesty, they find safety.
  3. Reputation. There’s a person I know that, while I like them quite a bit, I don’t trust them very much. On many occasions, they have left me hanging. They said they would do something and when it came down to it, they didn’t follow through. I’m sure they didn’t think it was a big deal, but what it did was undermine their credibility. They ruined their own word and destroyed trust. Today, if they were to promise me something, I would not fully expect them to keep their word. Because of this, I will not call on them for help because they might not be there. This matters to God too. Why would He call on someone to do something when this might be the time they decide, instead of obeying Him, to stay home, watch tv and be unfaithful.
  4. Sowing & Reaping. The Bible says we are not to be deceived about this. God will not be mocked. Whatever you sow, you will also reap (Gal 6:7). It’s important to understand that this does not say whatever a Christian will sow. It is a universal law that works for or against everyone. If you are not an honest person, you will not get honesty. If you lie and deceive, you will be lied to and deceived. On the other hand, if you make it a point to walk in honesty, you will find that people will be truthful to you too. This is a spiritual law.

I used to work with a guy who had a reputation for stretching the truth out of shape. One of my other co-workers coined the saying about him, “Take half of what he says and throw it away, then doubt the other half”. While we used to laugh about this, it’s really actually sad. This guy’s credibility is shot.

A person’s reputation goes places they haven’t been yet. Very often, your reputation will either help you get through doors to amazing opportunities or it will keep you out. You decide whether you have a good reputation or not by whether or not you consistently keep your word.

Have you ever had experiences with dishonest friends & co-workers? What about honest ones? I would love to hear your insights. Join the conversation & leave a comment.

Dad. Bug killer and so much more!

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Let’s talk about Arthropods for a minute.  Hold on, it will make sense in a minute.  I know, this is the weekend.  Why the organism classification lesson?  I’ll explain but first, here’s the definition.

Arthropod  [ ˈärTHrəˌpäd ]  noun: arthropod · plural noun: arthropods.   An invertebrate animal of the large phylum Arthropoda, such as an insect, spider, or crustacean.     Powered by OxfordDictionaries · © Oxford University Press.

Arthropod comes from the Greek and it literally means “joint-footed”.  It’s a phylum classification right under Kingdom in the seven levels of organism classification.  Pretty interesting right?  Why do I bring this up?  Because this phylum falls under the area of my boot.  These are all of the things that as a dad, it’s my job to kill.  I am the last line, nay, sometimes the only line of defense against the vile creepy crawly things that make the girls in my house shriek and climb on furniture.  Have mercy! If I’m not home when a “Bug Event” happens, I get to hear all about it when I do get home; every detail right down to a vivid description of the sound of the crunch.  Things have only gotten worse since we’ve moved to a state where the spiders grow big.  It doesn’t help much that we live out of town a little and there are fields, livestock and green areas nearby.  We don’t leave the porch light on too long because it will summon so many bugs that you will undoubtedly let several in with you when you come in the house.   These are things that I don’t mind though.  I’m dad.  Most of the time, I love being the place where the buck stops and I certainly don’t have a problem with my conscience while murdering Arthropods.

Shoe

One time, several years ago, our Boxer, his name was Hobbs, ate a dryer sheet or something like that.  We didn’t know about it until he went out to do his big business.  What ever it was that he ate didn’t have enough substance for his body to handle efficiently.  We looked out the back door to see our dog running around the yard with several inches of something hanging out of his nether regions. It didn’t seem to be bothering him a bit.  He wanted to come inside.  I don’t think so buddy!  After all the “Ew! Gross!” it became apparent that this was another job for the last line of defense.  Dad.  The bottom line.  The place where the buck stopped!  My first thought was, “Which pair of pliers are the cheapest and most disposable? And where are they?”  Needless to say, we got it taken care of and everyone laughs about it today.

When one has not had a good father, one must create one.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

There are lots of icky, disgusting things that will happen in a family, with pets, children and maybe even both at the same time.  If dad is there, these things will very often be his job to deal with.  And while these are important, there are some far more important things that dad should be bringing to the table.

  1. Be an example of an honest man to your family.  I can’t stress this enough.  Your children need to know that you are telling them the truth.  They will not be able to trust you and have confidence in your word if you are in the habit of lying to them.  The reason we can trust our Heavenly Father is because His Word doesn’t break down.  He’s behind it making it come to pass.  Like God, we as fathers should be willing to do what ever it takes and to go to extraordinary lengths in order to make our word stand up.  A man and his word are inseparable.  Also, your children will model what you do more than what you say.  If you don’t want your children to be dishonest, you need to get dishonesty out of you.
  2. Be an example of integrity to your family.  The simplest definition of integrity is “Undivided” and “Whole”.  If a man has integrity, that means that he’s undivided.  He’s not moving in two directions.  He’s not a hypocrite.  He is not presenting himself one way but behind the scenes, he’s doing something else.  Integrity falls in close to honesty.  A father with integrity is an open book.
  3. Be an example of humility to your family.  I don’t think most people fully understand what humility is.  I think most people equate being humble with being weak.  This is not the truth.  True humility is being completely honest about yourself.  The bible cautions us not to think more highly of ourselves that we aught to think (Rom 12:3 KJV), but to think soberly (Greek – sophroneo = right mind).  Humility is to have a very real, undiluted understanding of who you really are, what you really can do, and what you are really responsible for.  The Bible doesn’t say that you can’t think highly of yourself, it says not to think more highly than you aught.  A man of humility will have an honest look at himself and discern what is “of himself” and what is “the grace of God”.  When we realize that our very next breath and heartbeat comes from God, we get perspective about how much of our life is only possible because of His grace & mercy.  This mindset is true humility.
  4. Be an example of submission and authority to your family.  Your family needs to see you submitting to a higher authority.  It may be how you relate and respond to your own parents, your pastor or your boss.  It helps your children have an understanding that things need to have an order, and just as you stand in submission in certain areas of your life, in others you stand in authority.  Your example in these areas will teach your children that both are necessary.  People who struggle in submitting to authority will be severely handicapped in life and work. They will be held back by their own stubbornness and arrogance.
  5. Be an example of a faithful man to your family.  Are you worthy to have others put faith in you?  A few years back I served in church with someone that would sometimes not show up.  I used to get a little frustrated because when I went to rely on them, it was a gamble as to whether they would be there or not.  They were unfaithful.  Unfaithfulness doesn’t mean that you’re not there; it means that you are not consistent and therefore can’t be fully trusted with the heavy lifting in a relationship; whether it be personal or professional.  What this person didn’t realize was that by being unfaithful, they undermined their own trustworthiness and reputation.  Even though I like them as people and enjoy fellowshipping with them, when the chips are down, I don’t call them.  Faithfulness to your family should mean that their hearts SAFELY trust in you.  Proverbs 25:19 says that confidence in an unfaithful man in a time of trouble is like a broken tooth or a foot out of joint.  In either case, you will suffer when you put pressure on them.

My dad wasn’t there to teach these things to me, but if my example shows you anything, it’s that if you trust God, you will not be deficient.  He will see to it that you get what you need.

What other things can you add to my list?  Join the conversation by leaving a comment.  Also, if this has helped you in any way and you think it might help someone else, please share it.  Also, consider signing up to my mailing list.  You can receive these posts by email and not miss one.