Here Are Three Specific Attributes Of A Good Man.

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Last week I wrote about building a good man and the personal responsibility each of us has to become the best Us we can be. I want to expound on that a little bit this week because while we need to understand our roll in becoming who we are, often many of us don’t know how. We don’t know where to start.

Suit & tie

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I was reading an article recently entitled “10 things to teach your son about being a man”. The article was good and I enjoyed it. It focused on things like being a gentleman, holding the door, walking on the street side of the sidewalk & stuff like that. While I was thinking about the article, it occurred to me that many men DO NOT have a dad around to teach them these things. Many of the ones who are fortunate enough to have their dads around may not be hearing it either because their dads don’t think its important to pass on. I didn’t have a dad around to instruct me on “all things men”. As I think about it now, one of the only things I remember hearing from my dad about being a man was “grown men don’t hug”. As I look back over my life though, God gave me plenty of good examples to follow. He put men around me that helped me immeasurably. And thankfully, He gave me a listening ear.

While I agree with the things in the article I read about being a gentleman, I think there are more weighty issues that young men need to know about while becoming good men. I believe you can become a man just by growing up, but that doesn’t mean you are worth anything. The goal should be to become a good man, a mature man and a godly man. And just exactly what constitutes a Good Man? Because I believe the Bible, and the Bible says that Jesus is perfect. I think we need to look at His example to truly know what a good man is. Hebrews 5 says this about Him.

“Heb 5:8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered; Heb 5:9 And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him;”

The word “Perfect” used here in the Greek means complete, accomplished, finished fulfilled, perfect & fully mature. This is the absolute picture of Jesus. Ephesians 4:13-16 says that we as godly men, are to grow unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.

So what does that mean for us as we move toward being the best men we can be?

Growing up means maturity. This is hard sometimes. We (that is, our flesh and our un-renewed mind) don’t always want to be mature. Sometimes all we want to do is “flesh out” and throw a fit. The Bible calls this being “Carnal”. Carnal comes from the root word that means “meat”. To be carnally minded just means that you’re spending all your time paying attention to the flesh. A mature person will not do this though. So what does it mean to be a good man?

No Strife

It means no more strife. While this verse is talking specifically about strife & unity in the Body of Christ, it is important to understand that a mature man will not tend toward strife. Strife is defined as bitter disagreement over fundamental issues – conflict. It’s a true sign of growth and maturity when you as a man demonstrate that you are the master of your emotions, attitude and anger. Good men are men of peace.

No FlakinessIt means no more flakiness. We are not to allow ourselves to be victims of the deceitfulness and manipulation in our beliefs or in our life. Even while we are not to be victims of such things, we are also not supposed to engage in them.  We are not to be deceitful and the manipulators of others.  Scripture says in Eph 4:14 that “Speaking the truth in love we will grow up in Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ”. Good men are stable men

No SelfishnessIt means no more selfishness. According to Ephesians 4:16, the man of God will be working to increase the effectiveness of others. A good man will not have a “Me First” mentality. He will be looking for opportunities to assist others in doing good and helping to facilitate their success as well as his own. Good men are helpful men.

I want to write more on specific issues in future posts and give more specific actionable steps. But today I want to ask you a question. Think about the good men you’ve know in your life. Were these things in their life too? I would encourage you this week to act on these for yourself. I would love for you to share how you plan to step into them. Leave a comment and share your three things.

A Good Man. How to Become One.

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You decide what kind of man you are going to be. When the ink dries on the story of your life, it is going to reveal that you were the one behind the wheel. You were the one making all the choices and determining the direction in your life. The important thing for you to realize while your story is still being written, is that the tools are in your hands to build yourself into the man you should be. You’re going to have to be intentional about your life though. You must decide for yourself what you will allow and what you will deny to exist inside of you. These choices are yours alone. As Jesus said – A good man, out of the good treasure of the heart, brings forth good things; an evil man out of the evil treasure in his heart will bring forth evil things. It therefore becomes very important for us to examine what we’re allowing to get inside us.

When I was in what was then called Jr. High School, a new kid started mid year. I realized that he was walking home the same way I did, so we began to talk and I found out that he lived less than a block away from me. As I began to spend more time with him, I learned that he was one of five kids. His family had four boys and a sister who was the eldest. I didn’t see his mom very often because she was always working, but I did see his dad all the time because he wasn’t. As I think back on it, all the years I knew my friend, his dad never worked. He just smoked cigarettes, drank beer & watched TV. My friend and his brothers didn’t have a very good example of how to be a man…and it showed. While it could be said that they were not the best boys, it could be said that none of us were the best boys. We were all ornery and sometimes it seemed like we were the poster children for really bad ideas.

Shaping pottery

Around the same time, I had another friend that I hung around with. His dad was an executive in a large manufacturing company and his mom was a home-maker. They lived in a pretty nice house and he had all of the things that he needed to be comfortable. As I think about it now, his parents really cared about him and it seemed that they did a lot for him. He was the middle child and the youngest of two sons. This kid was the crowned prince of trouble though. He was constantly rebelling and doing his absolute best to ruin his own future. The thing is, as far as I could tell, he had a great example in his dad. His dad got up everyday and took care of business. I looked up to his dad and respected him.

Years later when I was in Bible School, one of my instructors said that it didn’t matter if you came from a broken home, or if your dad had abandon you, if you fully trust God to make up the difference, you will not be deficient. The second he finished that statement, the young man next to me spun around in his desk, looked right at me and declared, I want to say it again, he declared it to me. “I am not deficient!”. I believe this was a defining moment in this young man’s life. Hearing what the instructor said really ministered to his heart and it was apparent that most of his life, he lived with the believe that because his dad had left him, he was in fact deficient. I immediately identified with him because for years and years I too felt deficient. I felt like I was disadvantaged and because of my station, I was less than everyone else.

There are so many things that are directly affected by an absentee father. There are so many dysfunctions that usually arise in the lives of children who’s fathers have kicked them to the curb. As they grow up, many will use this as their primary excuse to act pitiful and not try to better themselves.

Truth Bomb Dead Ahead!

I DO NOT BELIEVE that failure in life can be completely blamed on a poor or absentee father. There is more at work here than the example your dad gave you, and I am living proof that you don’t have to be deficient. You don’t have to stay down. The quality of a man can not be fully attributed to whether or not he has a good, bad, present or missing father.

The longer I live, the more I’m convinced that the truly healthy family is the exception and not the rule. There’s drama and weirdness in every family. In some cases, people are just downright bizarre. If this were a good excuse to live a pathetic life, most of us could use it. But it’s not. So many people have allowed situation, station and circumstance to define who they are. I have seen young men time and again blaming dad, mom, girlfriend, company, economy, government for their unhappy life. They see themselves being held down and just not being able to land a break.

“Take a good look at where you are. If you don’t like where you are and want things to change, you are going to have to do something different.”

Others have refused to be held back. They did not allow circumstances, station or an absentee father to define them. They reserved the right to choose their path for themselves. You can think like this too. I know because I used to think like a victim. Everything was beyond my control. I just had to play the cards I was dealt. One day I looked back at all of the “breaks” people had given me that I didn’t value. Time and time again, people would do little things to help me out. Things like setting up an interview or hiring me for temporary work. I was ashamed when I realized that I was to blame for not valuing the things people were doing to help me. This is when I changed my mind and took responsibility for myself. I began to realize that God had created me on purpose and for a purpose. He has great things in store for me.

Yes, your dad may have kicked you to the curb. Yes, it may have left a world class hole in your heart. Yes, it may have taken away some of the things that would have otherwise made things easier.

Truth Bomb Dead Ahead!

It doesn’t have to define you. It doesn’t have to limit you.

You decide what kind of man you are going to be. I encourage you today to step out from behind all of the reasons you’ve been hiding behind, that have held you back. Decide today to put away victim thinking and take responsibility for your future.

Take a good look at where you. If you don’t like where you are and want things to change, you are going to have to do something different. There’s a saying attributed to Albert Einstein that says “Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

Jesus is the perfect man. To find a perfect example of how we should be, we need to just look at His example. In Ephesians 4:13 we see God’s plan for us. “Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ:”

God’s plan for each of us is to first of all, submit ourselves to the Lordship of Jesus, and then to grow up on Him. We are to grow and mature until we take on the very measure, stature and fullness of Him. Verse 15 says of us, “But speaking the truth in Love, may grow up in Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.

Ephesians 2:10 says that each of us has a part, a function, a calling, a divinely ordained purpose and place.

You decide what kind of man you’re going to be.

Be a good one.

Start today!

Four compelling reasons why Honesty is always the right answer.

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Many years ago a friend of mine at work had to supervise a project with a group of people he had never met before. I have no idea what went on during the fulfillment of that project but he came back shaking his head. He commented that he found it scary how easily some people would drift from law abiding to lawless when it was convenient for them to do so. Apparently he had some dishonest people in his group because among other things, they had stolen all of the toilet paper in the building.

Webster’s online dictionary defines Honest as Free from fraud or deception.

Now I personally have never tried to deceive anyone…except for that last sentence…and those other times. I think as a teenager, I made it a full time job to try to deceive my mom. She was pretty hard to fool though and truthfully; I wasn’t a very good liar.

Barefoot on a rock

So, why is honesty so important? Why is it wrong to lie when it’s convenient? After all, you may actually be sparing someone’s feelings by not being honest. Right? Whether you’re a Christian or not, I think there are four really good reasons for us to operate in honesty all the time.

Honesty is the fastest way to prevent a mistake from turning into a failure.  – James Altucher

  1. Conscience. when we lie or intentionally deceive, we violate our own conscience. We may “get away with it” but inside, we know what we’ve done. We will live with the guilt until we either repent, or harden ourselves to it. The primary way God leads his people is with the conscience. That’s why Paul the Apostle spoke so often about having a clear conscience (Acts 23:1, 24:16, Rom 9:1, 1Cor 8:7 – and many more). Hardening our hearts makes it nearly impossible for us to be led and directed by the Holy Spirit because we’re used to over-riding Him by ignoring our conscience. God will even lead you if you are not a Christian. This same leading we could also call a “conviction”. God will deal with your heart when you need to straighten out your relationship with Him.
  2. Trust. Consistent honesty builds trust. Trust is an investment that we make in one another. When you are honest, the trust others put into you is well founded and in your honesty, they find safety.
  3. Reputation. There’s a person I know that, while I like them quite a bit, I don’t trust them very much. On many occasions, they have left me hanging. They said they would do something and when it came down to it, they didn’t follow through. I’m sure they didn’t think it was a big deal, but what it did was undermine their credibility. They ruined their own word and destroyed trust. Today, if they were to promise me something, I would not fully expect them to keep their word. Because of this, I will not call on them for help because they might not be there. This matters to God too. Why would He call on someone to do something when this might be the time they decide, instead of obeying Him, to stay home, watch tv and be unfaithful.
  4. Sowing & Reaping. The Bible says we are not to be deceived about this. God will not be mocked. Whatever you sow, you will also reap (Gal 6:7). It’s important to understand that this does not say whatever a Christian will sow. It is a universal law that works for or against everyone. If you are not an honest person, you will not get honesty. If you lie and deceive, you will be lied to and deceived. On the other hand, if you make it a point to walk in honesty, you will find that people will be truthful to you too. This is a spiritual law.

I used to work with a guy who had a reputation for stretching the truth out of shape. One of my other co-workers coined the saying about him, “Take half of what he says and throw it away, then doubt the other half”. While we used to laugh about this, it’s really actually sad. This guy’s credibility is shot.

A person’s reputation goes places they haven’t been yet. Very often, your reputation will either help you get through doors to amazing opportunities or it will keep you out. You decide whether you have a good reputation or not by whether or not you consistently keep your word.

Have you ever had experiences with dishonest friends & co-workers? What about honest ones? I would love to hear your insights. Join the conversation & leave a comment.

Motivation. The off-road tire for the muddy road of life.

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In the last post I talked about getting stuck. Getting stuck is no fun. We’ve probably all been there. For some reason, we are unable to move forward creatively. Often we identify this as being stuck in a rut. We are doing the same things again and again and it seems that the song of our life only has one note. When you are stuck and unable for whatever reason to move forward, it often creates pressure. Self-imposed pressure to perform, or outside pressure to meet a deadline. Either way, if not dealt with, pressure can lead to anxiety.

I wrote that, at least for me, there were two main areas where I have been continually challenged. I have to take intentional action in these areas or I will find myself standing still instead of moving forward to pursue my goals. The first one is time. Ever since I decided to do important things with my life and be all of the influence I can be, I have also had difficulty with time management. I wrote last week about steps that I’ve taken to better manage my time.

Female hiker on mountain

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Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.   –Thomas A. Edison

The second area I mentioned was my struggle to stay motivated. What I was facing with motivation was simple. I was having difficulty mentally disengaging from all of the other demanding things in my life in order to engage in the things I am passionate about. Because of this, when I would have some time to work on blog posts or website content, I would sit down and just stare at the computer. Emotionally I would be like a flat glass of soda. Absolutely no fizz. I am very passionate about what the Lord has put on my heart to do with this blog and website. I can see a little bit of what the Lord intends for it. When I spend time thinking about this, I get pretty stoked. When I’m in that frame of mind, I have no trouble coming up with things I want to do and what to write about. But because of the daily distractions, I would sit down to write and be mentally disengaged and emotionally cold. I couldn’t flip the switch & quickly turn on the passion. The weekend would come and I would spend a lot of time thinking about the things that are important to me. I would then start getting fired up again. Often though, it seemed that I wasted a lot of time stirring myself up that I could have been using to create quality content. More self-imposed pressure.

Motivation is defined as The act or process of providing a reason to do something. I would put my own emphasis on the words DO something. Motivation is what causes motion. It’s the why that causes us to act. Motivation is the off-road tire for the muddy road of life.  When we start to feel high drag and heavy resistance trying to climb out of a rut and move forward, it’s the motivation that gives us the traction to keep moving. People would announce to Zig Ziglar that they didn’t believe in that “motivation stuff” and would complain that motivation didn’t work because it didn’t last. It faded, and over time people would lose their zeal. Zig would respond with the statement that Bathing doesn’t last forever either but we didn’t give up on that. That’s why he recommended both motivation and bathing daily.

So how do we stay motivated? How can we keep the switch turned on? I found that I need to expose myself to the right things – constantly!  I need to be seeing, reading & hearing the right things in order to keep my focus. In the Bible, God told the prophet Habakkuk to “write the vision, and make it plain upon tables, that he may run that reads it”.  (Habakkuk 2:2).  To stay motivated, I need to keep the vision ever before my eyes.  I find a lot of help in not only who but what I listen to.  I like to listen to people who exhibit the kind of character that helps keep me stirred up.  I don’t listen to just anyone.  There are certain things I am looking for.

“Ability is what you’re capable of doing. Motivation determines what you do. Attitude determines how well you do it.”
― Lou Holtz

  1. Look for Enthusiasm. One of the things I have noticed about me is that I like being around enthusiastic people. I often find my own level of enthusiasm rising when I’m around others who have high enthusiasm. This is one important thing I’ve learned over the years. Seek out peers & friends that have enthusiasm in what they are doing. I like hanging around & growing with people who are going somewhere to do something. They are focused and goal oriented. They are looking for a place to “Happen”. Galatians 4:18 says that it is good to be zealously affected always in a good thing.
  2. Look for a Positive Outlook. Henry Ford was quoted as saying “Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.” Recently I heard someone say that we all fail, so what we need to do is to fail fast so that we can get it out of the -way. Then start again and use the lessons of our failure. This is healthy thinking. Philippians 4:8-9 tell us that whatever is true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of a good report, virtuous or praise worthy, we are to think on these things.
  3. Look for Determination. Negative people look for the failure and use it as an excuse to quit. Many years ago I was driving east on interstate 74 Champagne, IL. Suddenly all traffic came to a near stop as the Illinois State troopers diverted everyone off of the interstate. It turned out that there was a overturned semi tractor & trailer laying all the way across east bound 74 and it was literally impassable. The state troopers ran us through a detour that put us on State highway 150 for a little while and then we went back onto 74 and away we went. I tell that story because too many times, people will allow difficulty and setbacks tell them that they are on the wrong path. Sometimes these people will cast away their vision and abandon their goals. They say things like “What’s the use?” We shouldn’t let difficulty and failure determine whether or not we accomplish our goals. What if I had hit that traffic detour and threw up my hands, turned the car around and went back home? I wouldn’t have arrived at my intended destination. I wouldn’t have accomplished my goal and I wouldn’t have been able to enjoy my mother in law’s cooking. Failure and difficulty may force us to change our path to get there, but they should never keep us from going. Don’t quit!

You may not know too many people who possess these traits but don’t let that hinder you. I get a lot of my insight and encouragement from podcasts. There are some really good podcast out there and they help me stay stirred up. If you have an iphone, you can use itunes to get your podcasts.  There is a free app in the Google Playstore called Stitcher that works similar to Itunes for android phones. This is what I use to get my podcasts. I look for people who are enthusiastic, positive and determined. People with a “can do” attitude who are making things happen. Here are a few podcasts that I listen to regularly. You can also access them on the web by clicking the links.

This is your life – Michael Hyatt

Eventual millionaire – Jaime tardy

The Portfolio Life – Jeff Goins

The EntreLeadership podcast – Ramsey Solutions, hosted by Ken Coleman.

You can go to https://www.stitcher.com/ to learn more about Stitcher.

How do you stay motivated to reach your goals?  I would love to hear from you.  Please share by leaving a comment.

Here’s How To Get Important Things Done!

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Last week I was listening to a leadership podcast & the guy who produces this particular podcast began to share how he had become stuck. He talked about his difficulty producing the podcast because of both personal & professional challenges, as well as other difficulties that had arisen and were stealing his attention. I went back to check and this man had only produced two podcasts the entire summer. He really was struggling.

Clock image

I can relate to his issues. There are many things out there that will steal our time, energy and even our enthusiasm. If we let them, they can distract us from giving our attention and energy to the things that are the most important to us. If not dealt with, they could lead to a life where we can never seem to get traction.  We get derailed by things that don’t really matter and fail to accomplish things that do.  Goals that we hold dear are left undone.

I have noticed that, at least for me, it has been challenging in two main areas. Time & motivation.

When it comes to time, we all have the same amount. I heard Rev. Keith Moore say in a recent message that the Lord had been dealing with him to do a certain thing, and he was resisting. He felt that he didn’t have enough time. The Lord showed him that if he didn’t have enough time to do God’s will for his life, he was wasting time. The Lord knows how much time we have and would not ask us to do something that we simply could not do. If God has the plan, He also has the schedule. We just simply need to be led.

For me it seemed for quite a while that I didn’t have time for the things that were important to me because I was too busy doing all of the regular maintenance things. Things like mowing the grass or changing the oil.  I believe this blog is one of the most important things that I do, but it has been hard to keep up with because of all of the “urgent” demands on my time. I want to stay in shape and it seemed like the optimum time for me to work out was right after work. The gym that I go to is right off of a highway that I am already driving so it is easy to get to. The problem was that commitments, errands & the mundane every day stuff kept demanding my time right after work and it became difficult to be consistent with my workouts.  It also became difficult finding the time to be consistent creating good content for the blog.

Consider this. One of the most important assets you have is your time. It’s what your employer is paying you money for. Why is he or she paying you for your time? Because they have too much to do and don’t have enough time of their own, so they buy yours. It’s interesting to me that even though our time is so precious, we often treat it like it’s trivial and meaningless. Have you ever heard the expression Just wasting time or Killing time? If we would only realized how valuable and limited our time is, I think we would be “like a man on fire” trying to spend it in meaningful ways, and strive not be wasteful of even one precious moment.

We all have the same amount of time. We all have 168 hours per week to work with. So how do we make these hours work for us? What can we do different that would make the difference?

I just finished reading a book called Born To Win by Zig Ziglar & his son Tom Ziglar. This was the last book Zig wrote before he went to Heaven in 2012. Zig related a story about his mentor P.C. Merrill who told the young Zig Ziglar that while he thought Zig had great potential, he was currently a waste. He then said that if Zig would just believe in himself and have what he (Merrill) called an organized work schedule, he could go straight to the top. Zig believed him and this turned out to be a defining moment in Zig’s life. If you have followed or read after Zig Ziglar even a little bit, what becomes apparent was his passion for helping people and that he talked a lot about goals & getting things done. Without doubt we can see what he accomplished in his life and I believe it came from seeing himself as God sees him – a success, and learning the secret of setting goals & working to a schedule.

I have heard it said that if you don’t have a plan for your time, someone else will, and their plan will not be to your benefit. We need to take some time and observe where our time is leaking away and fix the leaks. This may involve saying no to people. For me this required making some decisions. First, I didn’t know that much about time management but I found help. Michael Hyatt offers a free e-book when you subscribe to his email list to receive his blog posts. The book is called “Shave 10 Hours Off Your Workweek”. You can find more about it at michaelhyatt.com. Also, I had to make some decisions about how I spent my time. I needed to cut back on television. The New York Times reported that the average American watches about 5 hours of TV a day. Wow! I made some solid decisions concerning TV. I no longer have any shows that I HAVE TO watch. I also try to schedule my TV time so that I can spend it with my family. I have also realized that the hour or two right after work need to be “wild card” hours. There are too many variables that can change my schedule in that time. I also started getting up at 4:30 AM to spend quality time with God and to work out. No one else wants my 4:30 AM so it’s all mine. I spend the first 3-1/2 hours each day with prayer, Bible reading, working out & reading. I don’t stay up as late these days but I’ve discovered that staying up late doesn’t translate into hours of productivity. It usually translated into hours wasted on Netflix. For me the hours in the morning are far more productive.

If you don’t have a plan for your time, someone else will, and their plan will not be to your benefit.

Dr. Stephen Covey, author of the book Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People had an illustration that spoke volumes about time management. He told the story of a Business School instructor who presented to his class a one gallon mason jar and three bowls. The first bowl was filled with sand. The second bowl was filled with what looked gravel. The third bowl was filled with seven large rocks. He would have a student fill the container from the three bowls assuring them that all of the contents would fit. The student started by pouring in the sand, followed by the gravel and then finally the 7 large rocks. They quickly discovered that most of the big rocks would not fit. He then demonstrated that by putting in the 7 big rocks first, then pouring in the gravel around them and then the sand which filled up ever available space, the container held everything.

The secret to this illustration was simple. Put in the big rocks first. There are an unending supply of trivial, meaningless details in our lives that steal our time and rob us of our goals. If we allow them, they keep us from doing the things we truly care about. We need to schedule our priorities to do the important things first. You define what the big rocks mean. Do you want to help others? Do you want more time with your kids? Focus more on your faith? It’s important to keep in mind that we need to do the important things first or we will never get them done at all.

What tips do you use to keep yourself on track & moving forward? I would love to hear from you. Please join the conversation by leaving a comment.

You might be more connected than you think!

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I recently heard a prominent minister tell a story about his daughter. He said that when she was five, she came up to the ministry office and she was running down the hall to see her dad. When someone stopped her and scolded her for running in the executive hallway at the ministry, her response was “Don’t you know who I am?” and then she turned and kept on running down the hall. The point was that when you’re born into the family, you have privilege that others don’t have. He said that even when he didn’t live at home anymore, he would still have the right to go over into his dad’s garage & borrow a tool.  The minister used these illustrations to demonstrate where we stand with God if we have made Jesus our Lord and are God’s children.

I was 10 years old when my parents divorced. I was the oldest boy in my family and with my dad being out of the picture, one of the things that became evident was that I was now responsible for fixing my mom’s exhaust pipe on her car. While my dad was very mechanically inclined, I didn’t have a lot of experience with cars or tools. As a matter of fact, I had very few tools and one of the main tools I had was a fence tool.

A fence tool is a tool that combines pliers, a flat head screw driver, a hammer, a hatchet and a sort of open end wrench. With very few exceptions, this was all I had to work with. I could work virtual wonders with an empty tin can, a couple of wire coat hangers & that fence tool. As you can guess, my solutions were temporary but I gave it my pre-teen best.

Multitool fence tool

Fence Tool

A year or so later, we were at my aunt & uncle’s house for Christmas and my uncle gave me a socket set. He didn’t buy it for me, he actually bought it for his brother but his brother was unable to make. I always wondered why he didn’t just send it to his brother. Anyway, he gave me my first socket set. I don’t know if any of the sockets survived but I do know that I still have the ratchet and I still use it.

A few years later, when I was about 17, another uncle took me out to his garage, he got an old tool box that he wasn’t using and then proceeded to build me a tool collection with all of the tools that he had duplicates of. I walked away that day with a better than average set of tools. I still have and use most of them today.

If I look at my life based on my broken home, or my absentee dad, it doesn’t look like I had anything working for me. For years I used this as my excuse for not getting anywhere in life. After all, I didn’t have access to the garage with the tools, the house, the family or the man. Even if I knew where it was, I was not allowed in. I didn’t have so much that I thought I should have had, and because of that I spent years feeling sorry for myself. I soaked in self pity because I was disadvantaged and didn’t have so many of the opportunities that others had. Poor me.

It took me a long time to realize that God did not leave me without help. Not only did He give me good examples to follow, but He also provided the tools I needed to get by. He put men in my life who had compassion on me and who taught me so many things. Those experiences working on my mom’s exhaust taught me that I could do a lot with a little. They also taught me how to improvise.

I began to understand a very profound truth that changed my life forever. It’s found in Rom 8:31. It says “What, then, can we say about all of this? If God is for us, who can be against us?” When I began to understand this truth, I began to understand that, even though I don’t know anybody, and even though I am not born into money, I am not disadvantaged. God IS for me. He wants the best for me. He’s working behind the scenes all the time to cause all things to work out for my good because I love Him and have submitted to His call and purpose. All I need is faith in God! Faith in God is enough.

The Bible says that God is no respecter of persons. This means that if He did it for me, He will do it for you. If you turn to Him and allow Him to be big in your life, you will not be disadvantaged either. He will get into your situations and begin working behind the scenes to cause the best possible outcome. Remember, Nothing is impossible with God and all things are possible to them who believe. (Matt 19:26, Mark 10:27, Luke 1:37 & Mark 9:23)

That fence tool is long gone, but if I had it now, I’d probably display it in a shadow box on my wall to remind me of where I’ve been and to be thankful that I’m not where I used to be. I have to admit though, I would probably take it out from time to time and throw it at a tree. The 12 year old me used to do that too.

What Key Unlocks Your Future?

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Think back in your memory.  I want you to remember a time in your life where everything changed.  Something happened.  It may have been good or it may have been painful but it was the catalyst that pushed you forward toward a decision that fundamentally changed you.  I can think of several.  I call these defining moments.  Moments that altered the way I think and see myself.  These defining moments still shape the decisions that I make.  They are moments when I discovered important things about myself and they are also times when I made concrete decisions about how I would think, say & do from now on.  Defining moments shape us.

 

Often, at least for me, my defining moments put me on a path to a whole different set of choices and decisions, some of which were in themselves defining.  For example, October 1985 I committed my life to Christ.  I made Him my Lord and it immediately began to effect my choices and actions.  It later played a huge role in who I chose to date and later marry.  I would have never went to Bible school had I not made that decision back in 1985.

What defining moments have you had that have shaped you?  I encourage you to join the conversation & leave a comment.

You Can Make A Difference. Will You?

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Recently I was watching a TED talk with Tony Robbins. Tony pointed out in his talk that many people who have parents who gave them the best of everything and made sure they had all the right tools to succeed will many times end up not being anything but ordinary and in spite of the advantages that they have, they never really make exceptional positive contributions to society.  By contrast, when people have a significant struggle, when they come up in adversity and in some cases, terrible tragedy, these people will many times go on to make remarkable positive contributions to society.

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To make a difference in someone’s life, you do not have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful or perfect.  You just have to care.  – Mandy Hale

We all have struggles of some kind.  We live in a world full of sin and selfishness.  None of us are without scars. Many of us are still in the thick of the fight but some have made it through and that’s one of the two important things about the struggle.

  • First – Don’t stop moving forward.
    It’s very, VERY easy to stop, plop down and start feeling sorry for yourself.  I get it, it hurts.  You many not have done anything to deserve this and if you didn’t, then you shouldn’t be suffering like this. But if we get caught up in paying attention to the injustice of it, we will have a tendency to lose forward momentum.  I am honestly surprised sometimes by the unwillingness of some to move forward.  They never want to let go and leave the suffering and the hurt.  They instead want to wear it like a sweater and constantly talk about it.  The important thing to them is that everyone can see how wronged they were, how unjust it was, and how much pity they deserve. This is really sad.  This important thing when you’re hurt or offended is to keep your eye on the exit sign and keep moving toward it.  The true exit is forgiveness.  Why is it so important to God that we forgive?  The Bible says in James 3:16 “For wherever jealousy and rivalry exist, there is disorder and every kind of evil”.  Every kind of evil is the manifest presence of the devil. When we open ourselves to strife, he’s there – doing what he does; stealing, killing and destroying (John 10:10).  It means that you are yielding to your enemy.  It also means that if you continue, things will only get worse.  The way out is forgiveness.   It’s only through forgiveness that you can move on to the second important thing.

    “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”  ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

  • Second – Use it to make a difference.
    It’s only when we overcome these painful experiences that we truly become qualified to help others who are also going through the same suffering.  When you’ve made it through the wind, the fire, the mud and the blood and you’re still standing, you inspire others.  When you’ve made it and are better for it, you can speak with credibility.  When you are unafraid to reveal your scars, you will more easily find trust in those with the same scars.  Your message of hope will resonate in them when you talk about your journey and how you have made it through.

I would ask you to look at your life and the struggles you have faced.  Do you know anyone else who’s facing anything like that?  I want to encourage you to reach out.  Not everyone will want help, some just want to stew in their sorrow.  Others though, will hear you and you can help them.

This week – purpose in your heart that you will make a difference.

“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.”  ― Catherine of Siena

If This helps you and you think it can help someone else, please consider sharing.  Also, please join the conversation by leaving a comment.

Are Your Wounds Not Healing As Fast As You Want Them To?

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I like to work with wood. Many of the tools I use in woodworking are used for cutting and so they need to be sharp. That includes hand tools. While I usually clamp my projects in a vise, sometimes, if they are too large or oddly shaped, I have to hold them while working on them. Because I’m right handed, I’m usually holding the board or project with my left hand and because of that, my left hand ends up with all of the scars from the various accidents I’ve had over the years. My left hand has quite a few. Anyway, I have had a few cuts that probably should have had stitches but I didn’t get any. Because I didn’t though, the wound kept re-opening when I would move my hand a certain way. I used butterfly band-aids & all kinds of dressing, but certain movements would still open up the wound. Because of that, it took these cuts far longer to heal and the scar may be more visible because of it.

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When I close my eyes and think back to when I was a little boy, I can see my mom scolding me because I wouldn’t leave my scabbed knee alone. I would scratch and pick at it until sometimes I would cause it to start bleeding all over again. As adults, sometimes we are like that with emotional wounds. We won’t leave them alone to heal. We keep ripping the scab off of the wound. We do it with our words. We keep bringing up a hurt and rehearsing it. With someone who has hurt us in the past, all that has to happen is that their name comes up in conversation, and then so does the past and that time when they did that thing that you just can’t seem to get over. The wound starts to seep again because you couldn’t leave it alone for some reason. What’s the answer?

Scripture gives us a clear road to recovery.

  1. Love. Jesus said to His disciples in John 15:12 “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I loved you.” This is a specific Love to a specific group. As we follow Him, we are to love one another as He has loved us. There is no greater expression of His love toward us than that He has forgiven us. The Bible says in 2 Cor 5:19 that God was not and is not imputing our trespasses against us. God’s not holding your past against you but has in Christ completely forgiven you so that if you have received Christ as your Lord, you can stand before Him as if you have never done anything wrong. That is complete forgiveness.
  2. Forgive. Jesus said in Mark 11:25 “And when you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive it, so that your Father in Heaven may also forgive your deviations” LITV. The word forgive here in scripture literally means to send forth, to forsake, lay aside or yield up. You probably have heard people say “I forgive them but I can never forget” but that can not be true. To truly forgive means that when those thoughts come up, not only do you not talk them out but you intentionally cast them down and purposefully not think on them. You choose to forsake the hurt. You choose to lay aside the injury. You choose to forgive
  3. Turn your mouth around. Instead of rehearsing the past hurts, next time the opportunity arises to talk about the hurt, don’t do it! Make a decision that you will not continue to rehearse the past and scratch the wound back open. Instead, choose words of love, kindness and forgiveness. Intentionally say good things about the person who hurt you. Ask God to guide you. He will give you words to say.
  4. Walk in wisdom. Just like in woodworking, I learned the hard way that I need to pay attention to my actions and the potential for accidents and trouble. I need to look down the road and consider the results of my actions and words. If I don’t want people to be offended, then I need to make sure I’m not offensive. The easiest way to get past a physical or emotional injury is to simply not have one.


“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” 
― Mark Twain

 

When you find yourself in the thick of it though, remember, walk in love, walk in forgiveness, turn your mouth around and finally, walk in wisdom to avoid trouble in the future.

When true forgiveness is present, it shows us that real love is also present because love is shown in forgiveness. It is the hallmark that God is on the scene.

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” 
― Martin Luther King Jr.

I want to encourage you this week to examine yourself & look for pockets of unforgiveness in your heart. Don’t be easy on yourself. Are you holding a grudge? Are there things that you haven’t let go of? Make the choice this week to forgive. Don’t let your hurt contaminate any more of your future. Choose freedom.

I Mean It!

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Years ago there was a Citi bank “Thankyou” rewards commercial where they were trying to express the power of “Thank You”. In the commercial a woman told a man that she loved him. He hesitated and a heart breaking look washed over her face. He finally replied with “Thank You!” and she, with a surprised and joyful look said “Really?” To which he responded “I mean it!”. The commercial ended with a happy note as Citi bank showed you how a heart felt “I love you” could be adequately answered with “Thank you” and a broken heart crisis was affectively averted.

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Too many times I have found myself in situations and I am acting by rote. It’s almost as if I’m just performing by basic muscle memory. My mind is barely involved and my heart is no where to be seen. I am running on autopilot. Years of habit have kicked in and allowed me to mentally “step out” for a minute. I have noticed recently though, that it seems to be in areas that matter.

“What is uttered from the heart alone, Will win the hearts of others to your own.”
Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

We are creatures of habit and when we face situations over and over again, we learn what behavior is appropriate for these situations and we respond appropriately. When we first encounter these situations, we think about what response is needed and we choose carefully how to act or what to say. As time wears on though, we learn what response the situation requires and render it as needed. We can do this so often that the meaning behind the action or the word can become quite meaningless. It’s just what we do…in that situation. It’s just what we say…when that comes up.

I Love You Too! I say this with ease when I’m talking to my wife, my children, my mother or most of my relation. I have noticed though that sometimes, I need to step back and take stock of what I’m actually saying. Many times I have said this and it was just the appropriate response, but I don’t ever want to say this and not mean it.

As a man and a Christian, I believe in the power of my words. I know that my words matter and that with my words I am authorizing and restricting things, people and events in my life. Words represent and carry the contents of the heart. It’s with our words that we promise and it’s with our words that we make covenant. Our words are the audible expression of our hearts. They are precious and they are immeasurably important. We should never waste them. Our words can both break or mend hearts.

Our words are how we authorize God to work in our lives. Did you know that? In Malachi 3 The Lord told the priests that their words were stout against Him. They were complaining about having to serve Him. Jesus said in Matthew that with our words we would be either justified or condemned (Mat 12:37). Our words matter.

It’s so important that when we are using important words, that we also have our heart behind them. When I tell my wife and children how much I love and adore them, I don’t ever want them to go away without truly understanding that my whole heart is behind my words and that I truly mean them.

“When pure sincerity forms within, it is outwardly realized in other people’s hearts.” ― Lao Tzu

 

It’s that way with my Lord sometimes too. I find myself saying things in prayer and it’s just “what I do”. I don’t want my relationship with Him to be that way either. I want to always be fully present with Him. When I say I love Him, I want it to always come from the very depth of my heart. I never want to just “Phone it in”. I remember Pastor Keith Moore saying on a recorded message one time that the Lord ministered to him in a time of prayer and said “If you are not enjoying our time together, don’t think that I’m enjoying it either”. The Lord wants a relationship with us where our hearts are involved, because His heart is involved. He loves us with all His heart. He desires for our times together with Him to be full of love, full of heart and very meaningful. Sometimes we allow our relationship with Him to grow a little stale. We say things but our heart is not in them. Our relationship with Him may not matter to us as much as we say it does. Let me let you in on something though. It matters to Him. It mattered so much that He fully gave Himself for us. But it didn’t end there. It continually matters to Him…even right now. He takes His relationship with you so seriously that when He gave Himself, He never took it back. His giving of Himself is not over and will not ever be over.

The Good News Bible says it this way

Heb 7:25 And so he is able, now and always, to save those who come to God through him, because he lives forever to plead with God for them.

He is forever our High Priest. It is through Him and by Him that we have access to this Life, to this Love, to this God, who is Love.

This week I invite you to take stock of where you are in your relationships with your family and the Lord. Have you been fully present? Set aside some time this week to reach out to your family to tell them how much they mean to you and really mean it. Take some time in prayer this week and purpose in your heart to spend some quality time with Him. When we humble ourselves before Him, He shows up in His heaviness.

If you don’t have a relationship with Him and want to know more, Click Here.

Thank you for reading what the Lord puts on my heart to write. If this has helped you in any way, I’m so glad. I appreciate you more than you know. If you think this can help others, I want to encourage you to share it. I want to be a good steward of what the Lord has put on my heart and I want it to reach and help as many people as possible.