How to respond to offence & meanness in others.

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Have you ever had a situation spin out of control and the next thing you knew, you were being verbally attacked by an aggressive person?  Maybe you locked horns with someone at work and it escalated into a heated argument. When it was all over and the dust was settling, did you begin to roll it over and over in your mind?  This is usually when all the logic rolls in.  You are suddenly awash with razor wit and remarkable cleverness.  It always seems that in the aftermath of these arguments, we have 10,000 come-backs.

The truth is, we are probably better off that we can’t access this cleverness in the heat of the argument.  Who knows what damage we could actually do.

This week I shot a video about this.  Jesus said offences would come.  That’s one of His promises that no one wants to receive.  What is the right way to deal with offence?  How should we handle ourselves when we’re in the thick of it?

I think we’ve all been in situations like this, and we have all walked away wondering if we handled it well.  I know that sometimes I have walked away certain that I didn’t.  This video gives us some guidelines for some appropriate ways to respond.

Remember –

  1. Forgive!  This has to be first.  This opens the door for God to move in our situation.
  2. Push the offense to the sidelines and ignore it.  There are people who bash me about being a Christian.  Guess what?  I’m not going to stop!  I have to push their opinions of me to the margins and ignore them.  I can’t let them hinder me from moving forward.
  3. Put your eyes back on the mission.  It was the joy that was set before Jesus that pulled Him through the cross & the shame and now He’s set at the right hand of God.  Your mission will pull you forward too! But you have to keep your eyes on it and not on the weights and sin that can slow you down and stop you.

What tips can you share that you have used to successfully deal with the meanness of others?   Please join the conversation.

Also – If you know anyone who would benefit from hearing this, please share.

Art

Three Tips For Not Hating Your Workout.

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It was a hot summer evening in a little town called Green Rock. All of us neighborhood kids were locked in a world class squirt gun battle that took place over about 3 hours and 6 different back yards. There were about 9 or 10 of us and there were no teams. It was truly every man for themselves. Elimination could come from anywhere! I remember running as hard as I could and leaping behind a dog house to take cover. I worked my way around my house to end up hiding beside my own front porch. I remember this because all this time, my head is dripping with sweat and my temples are pounding with each heartbeat. Was I in pain? Yes! Was I having the time of my life? Again-Yes!

I bring this up because I finished 2011 weighing in at more than 200 lbs. For my height that was too much. My healthy weight window is between 170 & 185. What really got me though was when I saw pictures from one of our family reunions. It was in the middle of the summer and we were at a lake. I saw myself in those pictures and did not like what I saw. It was my wake up call.

Badge photo from 2011

Badge photo from 2011

In December of 2011 we talked about buyout our own elliptical machine as our Christmas present to each other. While we were considering this and checking out different machines, a local fitness center ran a deal where you could join for $10/month. We went on a walk through and looked at all the available equipment. We decided that rather than buy an elliptical, we would just rent several for $10/month.

I had a slow start. The truth is that I didn’t like pushing my body. My body didn’t seem to like it either. I compare it to drilling with a dull bit. It’s hard, noisy, generates a lot of heat and yielded slow progress. I began to understand that if I was going to get there, I needed to stay with it. I made an agreement with myself. I would show up. My total commitment was -Just walk in the door. If at that point I turn around and go home, I kept my commitment. I knew that once there, I would work out because there was nothing else to do but that. I just wanted to make sure that I liked it enough to keep it up.

I would walk on a treadmill for 15 minutes and then do the elliptical for 15 minutes because I was trying figure out how I could get the best results, and I was trying not to get bored.

One day, a friend of mine from Bible school was there and we ended up next to each other on the elliptical machines. We began to talk and the next thing I knew, an hour had gone by and I didn’t even notice it. Not only that, but I had burned an amazing amount of calories and had gone more than 6 miles. As I was thinking about this, I remembered that epic squirt gun battle we had when I was in the fourth grade.

This brought me to the conclusion that my body will do what it’s told. The problem is with my mind. When my mind was distracted by a good conversation, or even play, my body would just carry on doing what it was told to do. My goal became clear. I needed to find a way to mentally make friends with the workout.

  1. The first thing I needed to do was set my goal. I wanted to lose 30 lbs. Then I began to work backwards from the goal. What did I need to do in order to reach it. That would depend on when I wanted to reach it. Then – how can I break this into manageable chunks? I decided that a pound a week was a good metric. I figured I could do that and not end up hating it.
  2. I have come to really like running on the elliptical machine. Mainly because I can do it with my eyes closed. It’s easier to daydream and distract yourself with your eyes closed. With the elliptical, you are hanging on with your hands. Running on a treadmill becomes awkward when you are trying to run and hang on at the same time. It’s important to be able to hang on when you are running with your eyes closed so you don’t get vertigo, lose your balance and invade the personal space of the person running next to you.

    Recent photo at the gym

    Last week at the gym

  3. I am also a big fan of the right playlist. I have a playlist on my phone that’s just called “Running”. I have chosen those songs based on tempo and energy. I find that I don’t actually listen to the songs as much as I just use them as a rhythm to keep up with my pace.  I also sometimes like to listen to good Bible messages and audio books.

Using just these few hacks have made the difference in me staying with it and ultimately begin enjoying my time at the gym.  There are many other things to consider when trying to get healthy and lose weight.  This post is mostly focused on ways to not hate the work-out.

What sorts of things do you do to keep yourself moving forward?  Join the conversation by leaving a comment.

Does your vision have pulling power?

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It’s right about now that the passion many of us have for our new year’s resolutions begin to fade. If you’re like a lot of people I know, you’ve already run into plenty of reasons to quit. You may have already given up on your goal for 2016. We start with good intentions but when the reality of our goal begins to fill our windshield, we can get discouraged and quit. Michael Hyatt calls this part of the process “The Messy Middle”. The part where there aren’t very many rewards but all the work still has to get done. This may be where you are in the pursuit of your goals. I want to take a minute to encourage you.

I started 2011 weighing in at more than 200 lbs. For my height that was too much. My healthy weight window is between 170 & 185. What really got me though was when I saw pictures from one of our family reunions. It was in the middle of the summer and we were at a lake. I saw myself in those pictures and did not like what I saw. It was my wake up call.

Girl on road in fog

It’s not that hard to start doing things we know we should do. We all do that on a regular basis. The true difficulty is in finding the will to keep doing them when you really don’t want them bad enough to keep going. Often the drive to stop is greater than the drive to keep moving forward. Our desire for a long term benefit is over-ridden by the desire for a short term benefit. Most of the time, the short term benefit is not what we really want. Then we get mad at ourselves.

I know me. I have not always been a fan of pushing my body to higher performance. When I got serious about my fitness journey, I took a hard look at me. I knew there would be days when I would be weak. I knew that these are the times that I would fall if I didn’t have help.

I tried to do what Jeff Walker calls “looking through the corners”. I intentionally looked down the road to see what was coming. I would then build my situation while I was strong so that it could carry me when I was weak. If you are prone to quit under certain conditions, you need to either strengthen yourself or remove the conditions.

More important than engineering your situation is to have a vision of your destination. We can never become anything that we can’t see ourselves becoming. Proverbs 29:18 says that where there is no vision, the people perish. Clarity is so important when it comes to motivation. Having a clear vision will help us keep motivated and passionate about our goals.

Daniel Harkavy says that your goals & plans need to have pulling power. They have to mean enough to you that you are pulled forward by them. We see this in Genesis when God tells Abraham to look up at the stars. In light of His illustration to Abraham, the words “So shall your seed be” has tremendous pulling power. Abraham didn’t faint at the promise even though it took years before he saw the realization of it.

Ask the Lord for wisdom concerning this. He will give you the help you need. Quite a bit of the book of Hebrews is about dealing with and resisting the temptation to quit. For the Hebrew church, the temptation was to draw back from following Christ. Consider this passage from Hebrews 12 in the Easy to Read translation.

Heb 12:2 Having our eyes fixed on Jesus, the guide and end of our faith, who went through the pains of the cross, not caring for the shame, because of the joy which was before him, and who has now taken his place at the right hand of God’s seat of power.

Heb 12:3 Give thought to him who has undergone so much of the hate of sinners against himself, so that you may not be tired and feeble of purpose.

 

What a good way to say that. So that you may not be tired and feeble of purpose.  As of this morning, I weigh 179 lbs.  I have been able to reach and maintain a healthy weight because of the pulling power of a clear vision, and anticipating my weakness and while I’m strong, doing what I can to make those weak moments easier.

So – Have you grown tired and feeble of purpose? Have you allowed the weights, sin or distractions of life to rob you of your vision? Begin this week to think on your reasons why you are doing what you are doing. I know that when I stay connected to my “Why”, I can usually find the motivation to step up and stay focused.  Let the joy of your “why” become the pulling power to draw you through the hard parts so that you can be victorious.

If this has helped you, please consider sharing. Also, please leave a comment. I draw encouragement from your comments.

I appreciate you all.

Art

The True Strength of Marriage

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“I didn’t marry you because you were perfect. I didn’t even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that protected them; and it wasn’t our love that protected them – it was that promise.”  -Thornton Wilder

Promises kept make for a strong marriage - social card

What do you think of when you think of marriage? What images pop into your thoughts when you hear that word? There are hundreds if not thousands of memes & social cards on the internet intended to be funny, sarcastic, sweet or inspirational concerning marriage. Many I’m sure were written with sincerity and from life experience… and many of them are just plain stupid!

Here’s one seen recently – “Marriage is when a man loses his Bachelor’s degree and a woman gets her Master’s degree”.

Simply put, the true strength of a marriage is not found in pithy inspirational quotes found on the internet. I don’t think it’s even the magic of finding the right person. I say this because even if it feels like they are the right person on day one, that’s no guarantee that it will feel like they are the right person on day 3,650. The flaw in thinking like this is that a strong marriage is going to be built on feelings at all and that is a false notion.  While feelings are good and a good marriage is capable of generating a boatload of good feelings, they are still not the standard that a strong marriage is measured by.

The strength of a marriage is not found in how much a man loves his woman and how committed he is to spending the rest of his live showing her (taken from a pintrest social card). This can’t work because a strong marriage can’t be built by a one sided effort.  I remember a couple who’s marriage had this problem.  I watched year after year, as one spouse did all they knew to do to be a good spouse.  The other would give strong effort once in a while.  Instead that person would comment that their spouse should just “love me as I am” but they themselves didn’t put forth very much effort to make good on their promises. Sadly, this couple didn’t make it.

The strength of a marriage comes from both people making covenant promises, and both hearts committing to keep them. God gave us promises and through hearing these promises and taking them to heart, we have faith in Him (Rom 10:17). God also tells us in Hebrews 6 that it’s the promises that He made to us and the oath that He swore with Abraham that have become an anchor for us when we are tempted to doubt His promises.  In that same way, our marriage becomes stronger when we hear each other make promises, and our marriage becomes anchored by those promises kept.

A strong marriage is built on strong promises.  To take it even deeper, a strong marriage is made more fulfilling when the wife sees and understands how serious her husband takes his promises.  I remember a story a minister was telling about a time he was counselling a couple who were having marital trouble.  The wife said “I want him to so such & such”, and the minister responded “No you don’t”, to which the wife said “I most certainly do!” The minister replied, “No, you don’t want him to do that, you want him to want to do that”.  And he was right.  It wasn’t just the act of doing what she wanted, she really wanted him to care enough about her to do it on his own.  She wanted him to want to help her.

The true strength of marriage is when both fully commit to each other, making a covenant pledge to selflessly work for their spouse’s good, and spend each day keeping their word.  Fulfilled promises make a strong marriage.

Have a serious look at your own relationships this week.  Have you made promises that you haven’t kept?  I encourage you this week to double down on your efforts to keep your covenant promises.

If this has helped you, please leave a comment & let me know.  I appreciate the feedback.  Also, please consider sharing this post with anyone you think it might help.

I appreciate you guys!

Art

Marriage Insights For Young Men.

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The older I get the more I am noticing that so many of the boys I know are maturing into young men. As young men tend to do, they are finding relationships and in a few cases, they are moving toward marriage. Some of these young men have had good fatherly examples while others have not.  In either case, to the young man contemplating marriage, I offer some counsel.

I remember the days and weeks leading up to my own marriage. I had scripture and some really good books that told me what a godly marriage was to be like and while I had ideas about what marriage was, I didn’t really know what I was getting in to. There is only so much you can know from books. While my heart was in the right place concerning marriage, I had not field tested the things I had heard or read. While the things written are true, there is a far deeper understanding that comes from the doing.

Couple in Truck resized

The Bible tells a story in 1 Kings 20:11 about a king named Ben-hadad who along with thirty two other kings had laid siege against the king of Israel. Ben-hadad was bragging and threatening before a battle. And the King of Israel said in answer, “Say to him, the time of loud talk is not when a man is putting on his arms, but when he is taking them off” (BBE).

I have always liked that saying. It really speaks to me and when it comes to marriage, it couldn’t be more true. True wisdom regarding marriage comes from the truth of God’s Word, and it has deeper meaning and credibility on the lips of people who have decades of success in marriage.

That being said, here is something I want to tell the dear young men I know as they move toward marriage.

YOU’RE IN IT TO GIVE!

Many people come into marriage with the idea that the perfect marriage will reach into us and fill up a void. We may have this idea that we’re incomplete and that the perfect mate will complete us. The truth is that the completeness that we may be yearning for can really only come from our relationship with God. God in turn gives us the ability to come into marriage from a position of strength, to be the husband that He’s created us to be. When it comes to covenant marriage, you had better be in it to give! People (husbands and wives) looking only to “get” out of marriage are setting themselves up for failure and they are setting their spouse up for disappointment and heartbreak. If you are needy and high maintenance, to me that says that you are actually just selfish. You’re only thinking about what’s good for you.

The deeper understanding of Love is that it can not be taken. True covenant love can only be given and received. People who try to put stipulations on love or make it performance centered are manipulators and while they think they are showing love, true love is not there.

“A Good Husband Makes A Good Wife.” – John Florio

What is the hallmark of true love? How can we tell that it’s real? The famous Bible verse John 3:16 tells us that God so loved us that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes on Him should not perish but will have everlasting life. We see that the measure and depth of His love toward us was that He gave. He didn’t take or demand, He gave. Romans 5:8 says “But God commended his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” God’s love for us could not be performance driven otherwise His love for us wouldn’t have been made manifest until we “Got right”.  For more information on God’s Love click HERE.

Likewise, the husband’s love has got to be about giving. A man needs to establish in his heart that he is the servant of his family. He will do what it takes to provide for and facilitate the family’s success. I personally think of myself as “Batting clean-up”. When everyone else has freaked out and climbed up on the furniture, I’m the one who has to kill the spider. When one of the cars starts making a funny noise, I’m the one who, first has to try to figure it out. If I can’t, then I’m the one who has to find someone who can. When there’s a noise in the middle of the night, I’m the one up looking around. Yard, house, car maintenance, dirty, stinky or disgusting – I’m the guy.

I don’t feel like I’m being put on or that this is all a big burden for me. When I gave my heart to my wife, my marriage and my family, the willingness to do these things grew out of that commitment. It’s not what I have to do, it’s what I get to do – it comes from who I am.

“Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.”  — Zig Ziglar

You might be asking about now “What about my needs?” The truth is that you can not sow with out reaping. As the leader of your family, you will be the one that God holds accountable to initiate the right behavior. Your wife is not made to be the initiator, she is made to be a responder. The Bible makes this promise – that whatever a man shall sow, that shall he also reap. This is true concerning marriage too. If you plant good seeds, you will reap a good harvest. If you are going to be a selfishness, condescending jerk to your wife, you have no right to expect a better harvest than the seeds you have sown.

Remember – Real love can not be taken, it can only be received – and then, only when it is given. Also, remember that it is God who gives us the ability to be the husbands that our wife and family need. To those who look to Him, He gives the strength to be givers, servants and leaders to our families.

How can you put this into action this week? How can you facilitate the success of your relationship or future family this week?  What one thing can you do that will make a difference?

Please take a minute and leave a comment. Also, take a minute and share this post with someone else who could benefit from it.

I appreciate you guys!

Art

The Fit and Finish of a Good Husband.

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The word “Dude” is a German word that actually means “fool”. In our modern relaxed vernacular, it has become interchangeable with the word Guy or Man. The online definition also says “To be dressed up elaborately”. This is where the Dude Ranch came from. City dwellers would go out west to spend some time on a working ranch. They would dress up the way they thought cowboys should dress and would stick out like a sore thumb because of the elaborate fancy dress. The real cowboys were the ones in the worn boots, worn jeans and covered in trail dust.

I was going to call this post “A good husband’s tool belt” because it was going to be about the tools a husband needs in order to be the best he can be. The problem, much like the Dude’s cloths, is that having tools doesn’t guarantee that you will use them or even know how. Young husbands and fathers indeed need to have good tools, but more than that, they need to have good insight and understanding. The problems in marriage are problems in thinking.  Besides, some men have only enough skill with tools to give themselves hammer-oids and black thumbnails.

Man in wilderness looking at mountain resized

The very first thing that a husband needs, if he will become the best he can be, is a desire to be better. Most men if asked, would admit that they are not perfect and that they could be better. Most men however, will not actively seek improvement. The idea that I’m good enough keeps many husbands from seeing any need to improve. They may say “Well, I’m not THAT bad” or “I could be worse” and these rationalizations keep them from moving forward.  They really don’t see the need to change.

I have heard it said many times that the greatest enemy to “excellence” is “good enough”. Good enough will get us there but with low quality and low value. Good enough means that it meets minimum requirements but no more. It will work but just barely.

As husbands, we need a strong desire for excellence – to be the best husband we can possibly be. This means a high personal standard when it comes to your own thinking and behavior.  It means always striving to be the best version of ourselves and working constantly to make sure that the best version is ultimately the only version.

I have a tool called a Biscuit joiner. My tool is very affordable compared to many others on the market. I bought it from a tool store known for it’s affordability. The reason this tool has such a cheap purchase price is because where most of it’s competitors use cast aluminum for many of the parts, this tool has substituted plastic instead. It also has a more crude setup, making it more work to get the accuracy I need in my projects. Does it do the job? Yes…but just. It would be far easier and much quicker to get good results with a better tool. This one meets the minimum requirements. It’s good enough.

If I had to use this tool everyday to do my work, I would immediately upgrade it. It would be too difficult to use on a daily basis and compared to the higher quality tools available, this one has a poor fit and finish. The parts & pieces have ridges & burs left on them from the molding process that have not been ground off cleanly or accurately. The parts that slide don’t slide as easily as they could because they haven’t been precision milled to fit that well.

Like my biscuit joiner, there is a massive difference between being a husband and being an excellent husband. A man that gives the minimum effort to meet the minimum requirements will not yield the best results day after day. Don’t be deceived – this will not create lasting happiness or a good marriage.

The man who desires to be an excellent husband will require excellence from himself. He will spend more – invest more. More time and more effort to create a higher quality fit and finish in himself. Then when he shows up to the ranch, he won’t be wearing the red velvet “Buckskin Joe” cowboy hat and fake pleather boots. He’ll be the real deal. He wont be “All hat and no cattle”.

So what about you? If your desire is to be an excellent husband of high quality fit and finish, it all starts with a decision. I want to encourage you today. Make the mind change. Good enough is no longer good enough!

If this has helped you, please share with someone else it could help.

I appreciate you guys!

Art

If you can slow down and do this, you can avoid a future full of regret.

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In his anger he shouts “I don’t (cuss)ing care what you say! You need to get off of my back and stop trying to run my (cuss)ing life! You need to fix your own mess before you try to fix me!” In exasperation John picks up his coat and storms out of the house. He only hesitates long enough to slam the door on his way out, leaving his mom standing in the middle of the living room crying. “She won’t let up.” He thought as he stomped off the porch steps. John’s mom had been pushing him to get a job. She really wanted him to enroll in community college but he said he wanted a break first before he rolled into the “Real World”.

John had been staying in his room gaming for weeks now and hadn’t done anything except eat, hang out with his friends & borrow money since graduating from high school four months ago. She wanted more for him and she expected more from him. So she pushed him. She didn’t want to be a nag but she really wanted to see some forward motion. That brings us to this moment. The moment John is walking down his street thinking about how he had just exploded a few minutes ago and said all those hurtful things to his mom.

His mom had been single for many years now and had been raising him on her own. She was committed to doing her absolute best to raise her son up to be a good man. She often wondered and feared that her best might not be enough. She had recently had her own relationship go bad and she was still getting over that. She had no idea that John would use that to hurt her, but he did…just now.

As John walked, his conscience began to bother him. He knew he had gone too far. He didn’t mean it. He didn’t know why he said it. He was just mad and lost control. He was sorry but was unsure what to do next and he didn’t know how to make it right. Now shame was beginning to creep in. He began to tear up. “Why do I have to be such a jerk!” He said out loud in an anger that was now aimed at himself.

Few things can compare to knowing what to do.

 

We’ve all done what John did. We’ve been in situations where we have allowed the pressure to build until we’ve just “blasted off”, vented our anger, said mean things and hurt people we care about. We would probably also all agree that while we as individuals are not necessarily mean people, we just get caught up in the moment and react badly.

To be sure, even as I write this, I still deal with the temptation to think and say the wrong thing because of the heightened stress of a situation. I caught myself just this last week letting something slip out of my mouth and then quickly having to try to recover and minimize the damage because of my poor reaction to pressure.

This matters because we’ve all said or done things that we regret and wish we could change. If a person can get this, they can live with no regrets.  So what’s to be done?

Prov 21:3 says – Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.  The World English Bible (WEB) says it this way – Whoever guards his mouth and his tongue keeps his soul from troubles.

To guard or to keep imply that you are watching for because you are expecting trouble.  When it comes to our mouths, this could not be more true.

James the Apostle said – For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. The New Living Translation (NLT) says it this way – Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

The bottom line is that we are the ones responsible for our words.  We are to make sure our words don’t offend or hurt.  Some have said “God, Why did you let me say that?” – but we should not be asking God to do something that He has told us to do.  He will help, strengthen and empower you but it’s you who must do the doing.

Set your standards before the moment so you don’t waiver in the moment.  This one truth has helped me so much in this area.  I try to run all things that happen in my life through the filter of the Word of God and if I can, I want to establish my thinking in advance.  One definition I’ve heard for Wisdom is “The skillful use of knowledge.”  In the 24th chapter of the book of Proverbs, the writer talks about the field & garden of the foolish & lazy.  He says in verse 32 “I saw and considered it well: I looked on it and received instruction.”  That’s the take-away.  Consideration.  If we will establish in advance how we will act when the heat is on, then it eliminates all the choices we might have to make when the heat is on.  Can you see the truth here?

I heard a story many years ago about a man who was called to testify in court against the man he worked for.  He was told that if he lied and protected his boss, he would be richly rewarded.  When the time came for this man to testify, he simply told the truth.  His teenage son talked to him about it later and commented that it must have been a tough choice to make with the possibility of all that money hanging in front of him.  The dad simply told his son that the choice wasn’t tough at all because he had made it many years ago when he decided that he wouldn’t tell lies.

Consider in advance and set your standards before the moment, so you won’t waiver in the moment.

If this post has helped you this week, I would ask you to please share it with those you know who it might also help.  I really appreciate your support in helping me reach those who can benefit.

Have a most excellent week!

Art

How To Actually Reach Your Goals!

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Why does this matter to people? This breaks accomplishing goals into small incremental steps that help keep them organized and help give them clarity.

There are a great many resources for setting goals available to anyone with internet access. I have included three links at the bottom of this post that I have found very helpful. Each has a lot of useful information about goal setting.

Notes & phone on desk

Peter Drucker in his Management by Objectives philosophy created the mnemonic acronym S.M.A.R.T. for goal setting. It has been so widely used and circulated as a useful goal setting guide that you may already be familiar with it. The acronym is as follows:

S = Specific

M = Measurable

A = Attainable

R = Realistic

T = Time Related

We could talk about each of these at length but they are thoroughly covered in some of the links to great resources provided below.

One of the best books I read in 2015 is a book called Born To Win by Zig Ziglar. In this book Zig lays out 7 steps for setting goals and I have found them very useful. I don’t know if Zig Ziglar was the first one to write these down but his book is where I found them. I have found them to be very useful and when they are followed closely, they greatly improve the chances that you can reach your goal. Here’s a brief summary.

  1. Identify your goal. It’s important here while you’re identifying your goal to be specific. Your vision and dreams becomes much sharper when you are specific. Let’s say that you want to buy a new car. The car you choose will determine how much money you will need. The brand may be important as we know that some brands have a reputation for being durable while others don’t hold their value very well over time. Also, determining things like color, interior upholstery and number of cup holders may also enhance or limit your enjoyment of the car. It’s important to be specific in order to give yourself clear guidelines for the rest of the process.
  2. List the benefits. This is where you make it personal. How will this make YOUR life better. Continuing with the illustration of the car; If your old car has proven to be pretty unreliable and has left you stranded more than once, you know what it feels like. Imagine the comfort that will come from having a car you can depend on. Also, think of taking those trips in your new car and using the new bluetooth, syncing your favorite playlists on your phone to your new car stereo & not having to keep finding stations or changing cds. Listing the benefits will keep you energized to push through when things get tough.
  3. List the obstacles to be overcome. Some serious thought here can pay off big time. While you can’t always anticipate every obstacle, list each one you can think of. Once you have developed this list, you can then work toward solutions for each obstacle.
  4. List the skills & knowledge required. These are things that depending on your goal, you can either develop on your own or buy the skill by hiring someone.
  5. Identify the people or groups to work with. This can include potential mentors and also trade groups & clubs. In the illustration of the car, this may be choosing a credit union over a bank or investigating which finance company to use.
  6. Develop a plan of action. Very often we are held back because we don’t understand the inner workings of our problems and obstacles. This is the time to come up with an executable plan that will guide you toward your goal.
  7. Set a deadline for achievement. A deadline will help you to stay motivated. It will also help you to break down your action plan into organized steps that you can create a schedule around. This will help you stay organized and on track.

What I appreciate about these goal setting tools is that when thoroughly thought through and followed, they remove so much of the guess work in reaching our goals.

What goals have you set for the coming year? Join the conversation & share your number one goal for 2016 in the comments.

Additional resources:

https://michaelhyatt.com/goal-setting.html

https://www.mindtools.com/page6.html

http://qz.com/160701/the-complete-guide-to-setting-goals/

Three Tools That Have Helped Me In Reaching My Goals.

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Many want their lives to change for the better, but they don’t know how to move forward. Their future may look murky and undefined. Because of this, many NEVER take even the first step toward making their goals come true. Templates, workflow & scheduling help to create predictable results, streamline the processes & keep things on track.

If you are like me, you have big dreams. Sometimes I get frustrated with myself in the pursuit of my dreams because I seem to be easily distracted. I absolutely do not like suddenly realizing that I have wasted time on trivial things and without realizing it, have traded what I want most for something that doesn’t really matter to me. That’s why I’ve been talking about goals & reaching for what you really want. The things I’m sharing today are things that since I’ve found out about them, they have helped me to reach further and get more done. Today I want to share with you how templates, workflow & scheduling have really helped me get important stuff done. I want to share them so you can get the same traction in the things you want to get done.

So, are you ready to dig in? Let’s start with templates first.

A template is a pattern or a gauge, used as a guide to make something accurately. Templates are used in woodworking and are often referred to as “Jigs”. They are also used in Foundry work and are called “Patterns”. Foundry patterns are usually made of wood and sand molds are made with them.

When faux painting & texturing walls became popular back in the 1990’s, my wife bought several thin plastic templates. They had various shapes cut out of them. They allowed her to paint specific patterns on the wall. In some cases she would use these to create a complete border around the top of the wall. They worked out very well and they gave her predictable results.

Today, very often I will use a template to begin the construction of a blog post. In the case of the blog post, I think of it kind of like a skeleton. It gives the post the general form or shape. When I write, I first create the outline. I then just “flesh out” the skeleton. This helps me to create a post that is coherent and doesn’t seem like a bunch of rambling thoughts. This works a lot like the anatomy of a speech with a headline or title, a lead paragraph, a transitional sentence & so on.

Workflow on the other hand, is a sequence of actions used to actually create the work. Workflow is the part that you can optimize, document, master and once all that is done, you can delegate.

Every morning I go to the gym. I usually do a cardio workout for about 30 to 35 minutes with a 10 minute cool down. I shower at the gym and go straight to work from there. Because I actually get ready for work at the gym, I have to prepare myself for success in advance. Trust me, finding out too late that you forgot your socks can be a morning spoiler. How do I avoid that?

My workflow starts the minute I get home the day before. The first thing I do is get my workout close from that morning into the laundry. I then pack my lunch for the following day. Next I get my workout clothes & shoes for the following morning ready and set them in the bathroom. Then comes the packing of my gym bag with the clothes & shoes I will wear to work the next day. I take a minute at this point to get dressed in my head. This helps me to keep from forgetting things like a belt, my wallet, (or my socks). I then put my packed gym bag by the front door. By running through this daily workflow, I have made it so that I go from being awakened to going out the front door in 10 minutes and I do not forget anything. I have optimized the process. The rest happens at the gym.  If for some reason, I didn’t have time to do this for myself, I could document this, train someone else to do it and delegate it to them. This is how workflow works.

The schedule for me has been a real difference maker. It has helped me to capture and efficiently use my time. Time may be the most valuable thing we all have. It’s also a non-renewable resource. In order to be effective, we need to bring order to our time by creating a schedule. I use my calendar to make sure important things get done. That includes time to write. Michael Hyatt says it this way. “You’ve got to be able to make appointments with yourself, then keep those commitments.” This is hard sometimes because there are bucket loads of urgent but trivial things also fighting for your attention. Having a well planned schedule will help keep you focused on your goal, and keep you on track.

I wanted to share with you how templates, workflow & scheduling have helped me get important stuff done. I want to share them with you to help you get the same traction in the things you want to get done. Through using templates you can get repeatable results. Through workflow you can streamline process and maybe even delegate them. Through scheduling you can stay organized and continually remind yourself of what’s important.

Even using one of these tips can save a lot of time but imagine if you could get all three going? So here’s my challenge for you in the coming year. Spend some real time putting these to work for you. By using these things in your approach, you really can reach your goals. I can’t wait to see your results.

Share with me one area you plan to tackle in your 2016 goal setting by leaving a comment. I’ll be gutsy & go first. Check the comments for mine & then join the conversation.

Art

The Secret Sauce to Getting What You Really Want.

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Goal Setting – Why?  Why does this matter to people? Because through goal setting, people can make their dreams come true.

When I was in Junior High School, we had an executive from John Deere Harvester Works named Robert Anderson come into our class & talk to us about career choices & opportunities. One of the ideas Mr. Anderson tried to convey to us was to look at what we wanted in life and then try to determine what needed to occur in order for that desire to become a reality. The hypothetical example he used was that as we were going home from school, we might pass a nice, large, white house on a quiet road. If we liked the house, we should ask ourselves “What needs to occur in order for me to be able to one day buy a house like that?” In his way, he was trying to teach us about goal setting.

Any Road Social card

I think it’s worth pointing out that there is the potential for two lines of thought when we talk about this. When Mr. Anderson spoke to us about what needed to occur, some heard what I need to do, while others heard what needs to happen. The difference between these two statements is huge. While one sees personal responsibility to carry out the vision, the other puts everything over in the arena of “if things work out” or “If those are the cards I’m dealt”. I say this because when I was in this class, I was part of the second line of thought. I didn’t see that I had any power at all to change whether or not the right opportunities came my way. In my mind, the power was always in the hands of someone else. I had to basically live within my reach and accept what ever drifted into my life. The big white house would be mine if life’s currents decided to cause it to drift into my life all by itself.

Why should goal setting matter to you?

If you’re like I was, then you are exactly the person I am writing to help. When I was a young man, I didn’t know enough about this. As I look back from where I am now, I wish I has someone to dive deep into this kind of stuff & help me understand it better and to help me see my own potential.

“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.” is a quote that actually is a paraphrase of dialog between Alice & the Cheshire Cat in the original Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. While it does not appear in the original work, it’s actually a pretty solid statement. If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.

Goal setting is really about making big decisions that will guide most of your small decisions. In his book Born To Win, Zig Ziglar says that every one of us has unique gifts that give us the power and the opportunity to accomplish great things. When people ask “Well, then why doesn’t everyone achieve greatness?” Zig’s reply is simple. Not everyone wants to be great. And many that want to be great are not willing to do the work, planning & preparing that it will take to make it possible.

So, what is the difference maker?

Desire!

There are several words in the original text of the Bible that translate into the word desire. In 1st Timothy we see Paul instructing Timothy concerning people in the church who desire the office of a Bishop. 1 Timothy 3:1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. The word desire here is the Greek word Oregomai. It means to stretch or to reach out after and long for. Another word translated desire in the Bible is found in the letter Peter wrote instructing the church. 1 Peter 2:2 As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby: The word desire here is the Greek word Epipotheo. It means to intensely crave possession. To long after.

Not everyone wants to be great. And many that want to be great are not willing to do the work, planning & preparing that it will take to make it possible.  -Zig Ziglar

So you can see how desire comes into play when we are setting & reaching goals. The truth is that when you desire something, you automatically begin to move toward it. When my desire for something is strong, I begin thinking on it almost continually. I day dream about it. I begin envisioning the possibilities. This very thing happened for me with this blog. As the idea began to form in me to create this, I began to day dream about what it would do in the lives of the readers. I began to picture specific young men that I wanted to read it, and I began to picture what I wanted it all to look like. I’m still doing this. When I write, I’m often imagining myself when I was twenty and the struggles I was facing. This helps keep me connected with my Why. When I stay connected to that, my desire gets engaged and I get motivated.

The setting and pursuit of an important goal brings us a sense of purpose. The accomplishing of that important goal brings a sense of fulfillment. I like to think of goals as the blocks I use to build my life.

I want to encourage you to take some time and think about what is important to you. What could you do different in 2016 to bring more purpose and fulfillment into your life? What are some things that you really want to do but can’t seem to find the time to go after?

Next week I want to talk specifically about how. How to set goals so that you can reach them. Maybe there’s an important goal you failed at and so you’ve given up. It’s not too late. I would ask you to take some time this week and write down some short and long term goals.

I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment and tell us one goal you have for yourself in 2016.