Category Archives: Personal Growth

I Am A Father – Part One

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I am a father video image

Click the image of the attractive fellow above to view the video.

A few weeks ago I realized that 22 years ago I became a father.  This was a life changing and defining moment in my life.  As I reminisced about that day and the days following, I was reminded of some of the things that God helped me to see concerning not only being a father, but being the best father I could be.

This is the first of a small series of videos about the realizations and responsibilities of being a quality father and man.

Click the image of yours truly above to view the video, or you can click HERE,          HERE,        or           HERE.

If it helps you, or you think it can help someone else, please share and subscribe.

Want To Give Up? Here’s What To Do Instead.

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While the argument can be made that we need adversity and challenge to live a fulfilled life, all of us have faced situations where it just seemed like the dream that God gave us would never come true. For some unseen reason, our heart’s desire was repeatedly denied. We struggle to get traction or maybe adversity made it look impossible and it seemed like the only thing that made sense was to just give up.

Don’t lose heart. Adversity is not the indicator that you are on the wrong path. Let me repeat that. Adversity is not the indicator that you are on the wrong path! If adversity was the litmus test as to whether or not we were in the will of God, we would have to say that Jesus was never in the will of God. He was constantly being tested and the scribes and the Pharisees were always trying to find a reason to kill him. THAT’S some serious adversity!

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About a month before I turned 18 I recommitted my life to Christ. This was the single most important decision that I have ever made. I went “All In” that day and it had been the governing influence on my life from then until now.

Not long after that a dream began to emerge in my heart. I wanted to go to Bible School and become a minister. I began to think about how cool it would be if I could just help & minister to people all the time. Of course, at the time, I was green as grass and didn’t know anything about the Bible or God. Even though there was a great desire, for some reason I could never seem to get my life put together enough to go to Bible school.

Over the next few years, I had a few false starts but still was never able to get the dream off the ground. I grew in my industry and had a pretty good job. I found my bride and we started a family together. I was involved and developing in our church. Things were good. I was able to help and minister to people sometimes…I was almost there, but not quite. Pastor Keith Moore says it this way, “If its not quite, its not right”. That was the situation with me. I still had this enormous pull in my heart that I couldn’t get away from.

Fast forward 20 years. Its the week between Christmas and New Years eve 2005 when the Lord made it known to me that it’s time. I didn’t hear an audible voice but I had a VERY strong assurance in my heart that it was now time to go to Bible school and I knew exactly where. The school that I was going to attend only admitted in the fall. They didn’t have mid year admittance at the time, so I knew that I had until August 2006 to get my business in order. I still didn’t know how I was going to do it but the Lord helped me to understand that If He’s calling me to do it, He’s also equipped me to do it. As the next several months unfolded, we uprooted our lives and moved to another state, I got a second shift job, we bought a home and I went back to school.  It all worked out amazingly.  It was true divine guidance.

While it sounds like an immense step to uproot your life and rebuild in an area where it appears that you have no contacts, family or support network, the right thing to do is to always obey. I will also add this comment. The safest place on earth in the will of God. What I’ve discovered about God’s will for your life is this. He will always work in you until you want it. He will not have you do anything that you are afraid of or that you are unequipped to do.

Consider Joshua in the Bible. Joshua, along with Caleb and 10 other men were sent into the Promised land across the Jordan river to spy it out and bring a report back to Moses. You can read the tragedy of what happened in Numbers 13 & 14.  The 10 spies brought back an evil report that caused the people’s hearts to melt. Joshua and Caleb brought back a good report and tried to stir the people up to believe the promise and move forward. The people believed the 10 spies and their evil report and actually wanted to stone Joshua and Caleb.

Here’s the thing. Joshua knew it was God’s plan for him to go into the promised land but the rebellion of the people put that promise off for a full 40 years. So for the next four decades Joshua serves Moses as they lead the people in the wilderness. Four decades of Promise Land Dreamin’ while wandering in the hot sun and sand.

When the time finally came, Moses had died and it was Joshua’s job to lead the children of Israel into the promised land. It was such a big deal for Joshua that the Lord encouraged him and said in Joshua 1:6 “Be strong and of a good courage”, in 1:7 “Be strong and very courageous” and in 1:9 “Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.” The Hebrew definition of the word translated “be strong” is: to fasten, fortify, strengthen. It paints a picture of laying hold of or grabbing and not letting go. Likewise, the definition of the word used here for “courage” means: Be alert. Steadfastly minded. Obstinate. We can see that God was encouraging Joshua to grab a hold of the promise and become stubborn about letting it go. To become laser focused on the promise and to protect that focus.

Joshua needed to hear that because of the massive job he had been handed and had to over-see. That is exactly what you need to do too. You need to go back to the beginning. Back to the promise that started you on your path, and then lock your focus on it. Become stubborn about it. When people are discouraged, its because they have been distracted. Don’t allow yourself to become distracted by things that have far less importance in your life.  Don’t be distracted by pressure, busyness or what seems like slow progress. Look how long it took me? Look how long it took Joshua.

I can say now as I look behind me that all that time that I thought I was just waiting, I was actually growing. The Lord led me to make my move when I was mature enough and had faith enough to do it. Had I jumped the gun, I could have messed up my life and possibly destroyed my marriage. My point is that God is on your side and He wants to bring you in to your promise. Don’t get impatient or become weary, just trust.

I have had to divide this post up because of length. I have a lot more to say but your time is valuable to me and I never want to take if for granted.

So what can you do this week to re-engage your focus? God has put a dream in your heart but you need to move toward it. Write the scripture promises concerning your dream on cards or post-it style notes and put them on your bathroom mirror and in your car so you can be constantly reminded of them. Read them and say them out-loud every day. Make them first person and put your name in them as you say them.

Scripture references: Deut 6. Josh 1:9. Mark 11:23,24. Heb 4:14 & 10:23.

Encouragement for My Single Friends

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While praying the other day, the Lord brought to my remembrance something that a single friend had posted on Facebook a few years ago.  The remark was something like “I never thought I would be alone at this stage in my life”.

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Lets face it, some people are single because they want to be.  They just like it.  They like the freedom of it.  They like everything in their life and space to be just the way they want it.  That’s Okay.  A person who remains single can dedicate themselves fully to the path that the Lord wants for them to walk.  Paul the Apostle said by permission from the Holy Spirit :

1Co 7:6 But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.  I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.  But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

Not everyone who finds themselves single wants to stay that way though.  For many, there is a longing to be in a relationship.  A strong desire to be half of a whole.  Committed and fulfilled.  Loving and being loved.  The reasons people find themselves single vary and only they and God know all of the reasons why.  Some may have started off in a relationship or a marriage and through tragedy or treachery, they find themselves forced into being alone.  Some may even feel like time is not on their side and that there is a race against the clock to try to find the right one.  I read and hear comments from some, and they wonder “Why haven’t I found someone yet?”  I want to take a minute today and just encourage you and to remind you of things you probably already know but may have lost sight of.

  1. Stop thinking about what you might be missing.  The truth is that the only thing you’re missing is the pain and torment of being in the wrong relationship.
    Trust God that you are not missing anything good and that all that is good about being in a relationship with the right person is being laid up in store for you.  You’re not missing out.  All of the good that you thought you were missing out on is just being deferred until later.
  2. Are you ready for it?  Are you ready for them?  Can a new person come into your life and stand on their own merits without being overshadowed by your past?  Maybe you haven’t been ready for a relationship.  Maybe you would actually be someone else’s torment.  Work on what you have control over.  You.  Become the best you that you can be.  Become the prize catch.  Trust God to work on the stuff you can’t control.  He knows exactly what makes you happy and He wants you to be happy.
  3. What are you seeking?  Jesus said in Matthew 6:33 (BBE) “But let your first care be for his kingdom and his righteousness; and all these other things will be given to you in addition.”  In this passage Jesus was talking specifically about physical needs, house, food & clothing but we see a bigger picture emerging.  He said in verse 31 “Then don’t be full of care…”  Then in verse 32 “Your Heavenly Father knows what you need”.  God cares about you, He has made provision to meet EVERY need that you have and the one thing he doesn’t want you doing is being FULL OF CARE (worried).  Trust that Your Heavenly Father knows what you have need of.

Ask God to help you.  Ask Him go grow you (both) up fast – to bring you (both) quickly to the place where you’re ready, and then bring you together.
Ask Him to deal with you bluntly,  and then commit yourself to hear….and to DO what you know to do.
Focus on you.  What do you bring to the table.  Don’t focus on them.  Stop looking at “What a real man/woman would do” and instead focus on you. You are all you will ever be able to control.  Focus on you.
Remember to keep God first.  There can only be one 1st place in your life.  Seek His kingdom first!  Then the other stuff will be added unto you.

Need to Make a Change? Start with Your Thoughts!

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Most of us have things about us that we would like to change.  Most of us don’t give much thought to how.  Change happens when we change the way we think.  In this weeks video post I’ll talk about the need for change and also practical ways from the Bible to start change for the better in your own life.

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I would love to hear what you think.  Share your story.  How have you been able to make positive change in your own life?  Please join the conversation by clicking here.

Excellence or Mediocrity in 2015. Here’s the Difference.

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I play guitar. Eric Clapton also plays guitar. I have eight fingers and two thumbs. Eric Clapton has eight fingers and two thumbs. We both have shoulders where we can sling a guitar, we both are right handed and we both have Fender Stratocasters and we are both uncommonly good looking.  🙂  So why is he renowned for his playing and I am not?

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There are two significant differences between him and me.

  • One very obvious difference is that he’s considerably older than I am. That leads to a far more important difference that’s not easy to see at a glance.
  • It’s what’s between his ears. The difference between a novice and a professional is mental. Literally! He knows the fret board, notes, chords & keys and so do I. The difference is that he paid the price in countless hours to learn, try, test, perform & practice way more than I did. He knows things that I don’t know.

I’ve heard it said that the expertise in nearly any field is 90% mental. There are strong, fast athletes out there that are not famous or well-known. Why, because the difference between mediocre and exceptional is found in the thinking. Lets use football players for an example. Let’s say you have two football players that have identical stats in every category, they are the same age, height, weight and strength. They both run at the same speed, catch the ball with the same regularity and hit with the same force. They appear to be identical in every way. However, one of them has been playing since he was 7 years old while the other one started last year. For the one, his training, drills, practices and the many games he has played since he was a little boy have given him the mental advantage. He can read, understand and anticipated his the opponent’s moves quicker and more accurately than the guy who started last year. That gives him a tremendous advantage over the other.  In war, being able to read and anticipate your enemies movements is an extremely valuable asset.  Which football player has the better chance of reaching excellence? They both do, but one can have it soon while the other has some training and development to do.

It comes down to situational wisdom.  Each of us has expertise in some area where we have tripped over the same stuff so often that when it shows up now, we see it coming a long way off and can take steps to avoid mistakes and problems.  Situational wisdom – that’s what practice and experience bring, and situational wisdom is the difference maker.

Eric Clapton has practices certain things on his guitar so often that his mind is able to conduct his fingers with what to him probably seems like an afterthought. Do you know why Edward Van Halen is where he is today? It’s because when everyone else was out on dates, Edward was sitting on the edge of his bed practicing scales, tapping & flamenco style hammer-ons and pull-offs.  There are great herds of guitarists that have all tried to copy or at least borrow from Edward’s style. That’s influence! All because he paid the price others would not pay.

I heard Seth Godin tell a story once about when he worked for a toy company. One Christmas day he decided to go into work for about 4 hours and just answer the phones. No one told him to or knew he was going to do it but he just decided to go in and try to help the customer with questions. Some time later while in a meeting with other company managers and executives, the question came up about

what the customer might think about a product that they sold. Seth spoke up and said “When I was in here answering phones on Christmas day, this is what the parents and kids were saying”.  All voices immediately fell quiet. Seth had just become the expert in the room. What did it cost him? 4 hours on Christmas day. What really happened though, was that he went further than the other people in the room were willing to go to be better at his craft. Because of that, he became the “Go to” guy for customer feedback.

My pastor, Kenneth W. Hagin says it this way, “If you want to get ahead in your job. Learn all that you can possibly learn about your job. Go farther than everyone else is willing to go. Then you will be qualified for future promotion”.

As we launch into 2015, what are some things we can do to help us move forward?  Are there areas in your private or professional life where you can learn more and increase your expertise? Take some time this week and identify three areas where you can “amp it up” and make yourself more valuable to your company, customer, church or volunteer group.  Write them down and use them to set your goals for the coming year.

If you want to get ahead in your job. Learn all that you can possibly learn about your job. Go farther than everyone else is willing to go. Then you will be qualified for future promotion.     Kenneth W. Hagin

What do you want to become better at?  I would love to hear your comments.  Also, please feel free to share this with others that you think might benefit from it.

My prayer is that artmills.org has helped and encouraged you this year.  I want to invite you to drop me an email at contact@artmills.org and let me know how I’m doing.  Also, that would be the perfect time for you to let me know what other things you would like me to touch on and write about.

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas.  Have a Happy New Year!  See you in 2015!

An Intentional Marriage. Part 2

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Several years ago I was talking to a co-worker and our conversation turned to marriage and the role of the spouses. He told me how his mom would go outside on cold winter mornings and start his dad’s car. I gave him a weird look because I always assumed that a loving husband would do that for himself and not subject his wife to the sometimes sub-zero temperatures of the upper mid-west. He looked at me and said in a matter of fact way “She’s his help meet”. I couldn’t help but think that to him and his family, “Help meet” meant servant, or at least someone of lesser standing.

“Help meet” as used in his sentence above comes from a misinterpretation of what God said in Genesis 2:18 & 20. The King James Version says this:

Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Gen 2:19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

Gen 2:20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

The scripture goes on to describe how God put Adam into a deep sleep and removed one of his ribs and created the woman.

A clear understanding of the words help meet will really help us to understand our correct place in our marriage and will also help us more clearly understand the role we have as husband and wife.

  • Help. When used in Genesis, the direct translation is “Aid”. God said let us make him an aid. Do you know powerful truth we can glean from this little nugget? Men need help. God knows it, the angels know it, men, you need to come to terms with it. You need help. It also becomes apparent that the help that man needed was not physical strength. There were plenty of beasts that could do the heavy lifting. This was not what man needed. This was not enough.
  • Meet. Several words in both the Old and New Testament are translated into the word meet. We don’t use this word in this way anymore. Keep in mind that the King James Bible was translated back in 1611.
    Many of the word used in the Hebrew, Greek & Chaldean translate into similar definitions but the meaning would change slightly depending on the context of the passage. Here and in other places where Meet was used similarly, the definitions are: “Well placed, appropriate, fit, qualified, suitable, competent, ample, able, enough, sufficient, worthy”.

Many years ago I heard a prominent minister say that the most rudimentary definition he could come up with of the word Meet was “Of the same kind”. I think that’s a good understanding. When all of the other living things on planet earth were created, there was not found a help meet (suitable, sufficient, of the same kind) for him. Therefore we understand that the woman was there to help him in a way that the other living things couldn’t.

Imagine how Adam reacted when he finally woke up from his deep sleep and met her for the first time. The Bible recounts what he said :

Gen 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Gen 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

When I hear this read, I sort of hear it like he was mono toned and he was saying it like it was not a very big deal. Kind of like reading the phone book. Imagine these verses being spoken in Ben Stein’s voice. I don’t think that’s how this played out at all though. When I study the words used here and see the intent behind what was being said, it gives me a better perspective not only of what Adam said but also how he said it. Keep in mind, these are Adam’s words, not Gods. Adam was the one defining the marriage here. He said “This is NOW. The word Now means “a stroke” and is illustrated in Strong’s definition as a hammer striking an anvil. Now! (imagine him pounding his hand when he said it) She and I have the very same bone. She and I have the very same flesh because she was taken out of me. Because of that, a man will loosen his grip, relinquish and forsake the sense of self and identity he has with his father, mother and the bond of family, and shall follow hard after, overtake, walk together, abide together, be joined together, adhere to one another, cling and stick to his woman and they two shall be united, alike, alone, together, in flesh, body, skin, nakedness and be one”. I can hear great excitement in his voice as he says this. Adam is totally stoked about this new help that God has made of the same kind – suitable, enough, sufficient.

Man, your wife can be the difference maker in your life, but she should not be treated like a servant. The Bible says that you are to give her honor because you are physically stronger than her, and to be heirs together in the grace of life. If you will do this, your prayers will not be hindered, but if you don’t, you can expect trouble getting your prayers answered. (1 Pet 3:7). That is how important it is to God that you treat your wife with honor and respect.

1Pe 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Take some time this week and have a serious look at how you see your wife or girlfriend. Pledge to see things honestly and if you are not where you should be, pledge to take steps in the right direction this week. Being a man of excellence is not out of your reach. God wants you to be and He will also help you to become. Ask Him to show you where you’re missing it and then when He does, be quick to change. You both will be blessed.

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Men, what are some ways that you can express honor to your wife this week? How can you take it up a notch? I would love to hear your thoughts. Maybe you can help another reader. Please join the conversation by leaving a comment. Also, If you think this can help someone else, please share it.

Making It Last…An Intentional Marriage. Honesty.

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According to statistics on marriage from the Centers for Disease Control, based on information from 2011, the marriage rate in the United States is 6.8 per 1,000. The Divorce rate is 3.6 per 1,000 which supports the idea of the 50% divorce rate that many of us have heard about. The divorce rate for 2nd and 3rd marriages is higher still. This information is based on data collected from 44 states and the District of Columbia.

There are lots of reasons why marriages fail. Too young, unfulfilled expectations, infidelity, too much arguing, abuse, the list goes on. But how do we make one succeed? That’s what I really want to talk about. Many of us come from broken homes and have spent a big part of our lives missing at least one of our parents.  Are we doomed to make the same mistakes?  Is there a way that we can beat the statistics and have a marriage that endures?

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Last Saturday I skipped my blog post because I spent the day with my wife. We did the normal stuff…work-out, bank, store. We even tried a new restaurant. We had a really nice time just hanging out. As I was waiting in the car for her to come out of the bank, I was thinking about how much I was enjoying our time and how much I actually missed her. We both have lots of stuff demanding our attention and its pretty easy to get swept up in your own life and stop noticing what’s going on around you. I thought about the last 24 years with her and I was thankful that we have been able to get to where we are now and still enjoy being together as much as we do.

Marriage is one of the most amazing and rewarding relationships a person can have. It can also push a person to the absolute edge of misery. I have also been so angry at my wife that I have taken my hat off, thrown it at the ground as hard as I could, and then stomped on it.  I have also been so overwhelmed with feelings of love for her that I wept.

It’s important to understand what a marriage is. When I searched the definition in a Bing search, marriage was defined as a formal union between a man and a woman whereby they become husband and wife. Webster’s dictionary uses the word “United”. Wikipedia uses the verbiage “Legal contract that establishes rights and obligations”. It’s also defined more generally as a mixture or combination of two or more elements.

Marriage originated in the Bible. There it’s called a covenant. While most people may have heard that, many don’t actually understand what a covenant is. A covenant is a formal, solemn & binding agreement and based on promises and trust. Historically covenants have often been between clans, tribes & families, usually by the joining of sons & daughters in marriage. Covenants are seals by the shedding of blood and involve the swearing of an oath and the making of solemn promises to the other party, exchanging gifts and names. Many family names are the result of covenants made long ago.  Now days family names beginning with “Van” or “Mac” are common, but they probably started from a covenant. The covenant would be honored and respected by all the members of both families.

The significance and the actual strength of a covenant is found in the honesty and integrity of the people who enter into it. In the old days, violating the covenant was a serious offense often resulting in the death of the offender. People understood the gravity of the oath of a covenant. They didn’t want to break covenant, not just because of the potential consequences but also because of what the breaking of the covenant said about the breaker. Even if you lived, you would never be trusted again.

For us today to give ourselves the best possible chance at a long and happy marriage, we can’t be liars. Period.  You and I need to work tirelessly to make sure that the promises and oath that came out of our mouth does not fail. Our spouse has every right to expect this from us. It’s not a light thing that we entered into. When we stood up and made those promises, we gave our spouse an IOU, a promissory note to pay, with the intent that you and I would spend the rest of our life making our word come true.

The problem often arises when one spouse thinks the other is not fully committed or not upholding their end of the commitment. Then that spouse begins to let their own commitment wane. Truthfully, even if your spouse is “Just phoning it in”, If you are a person of integrity, you will keep your word. That is the sign of a true covenant promise.

If he has a need, if she has a need and you can fulfill it.
Do it.
Don’t even ask why.
That’s why you are married to each other.
To serve each other.

–  www.inspirational-motivational-quotes.com

I invite you this week to press the pause button on your life for a little while and have a real and honest look at your word. Are you honest? Does your word have integrity? Or are you only “situationally honest”, with your desire to keep your word depending on the way your spouse is acting toward you?  Remember, you’re not only lying to them when you tell an outright lie, you are also lying to them when you fail to keep your promises.  When you married, you said to your spouse the best things you could say.  Get behind your words and from now on, make them true.

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What do you think are some of the more difficult areas to keep your word in marriage? I would love for you to join the conversation by leaving a comment. Also, if you have found this helpful and think it could help someone else, please consider sharing.

This Is What I would Tell Myself If I Could Go Back In Time!

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hand in handWhen I look back at my days as a young man, I realize that I didn’t know jack. The sad part was that I had wonderful people in my life who knew a lot. The problem was that I wasn’t teachable. I was a hard headed young man who was too concerned with showing people what I knew. Because of that, I had little concern with and didn’t see the value in truly being teachable.

Being teachable is really just a matter of being humble. Most people cringe at the sound of that word. Many equate being humble with being poor or being weak. The truth is that walking in true humility takes real strength and maturity. Traits that are rarely found in young men. I like the way Rev. Keith Moore defines it. He says “Humility is reality”. So I say, How many breaths can you really take credit for? How many heartbeats did you give yourself? The truth is that none of us are self made and if it were not for the grace and mercy of God, and the favor we have with others, many of us would not have made it this far. To know that is reality. To live with this understanding is humility. The humble person is pliable and teachable because they recognize and acknowledge the truth about themselves; that they don’t know everything.

 

The opposite is pride. Pride is having an unrealistic view of yourself. Pride is not reality. It’s being deceived that you are more than you really are. We all deal with it. Have you ever had someone do or say something and you just “stiffened”. I’ve heard it called several things, bowing your back, sticking your chest out, hardening your heart. It’s all the same. It’s all a lack of humility. It’s all a manifestation of pride. The Lord in referring to his people in the Old Testament sometimes referred to them as a stiff necked and hard hearted people. This condition blinds us into thinking that those around us don’t know as much as we do, they are not experts like we are and therefore we shouldn’t have to stoop to hear their input.

“If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don’t want to be. ”
― Dale Carnegie

The owner of my company has repeatedly started and grown business after business into success and profitability. He said at a Christmas party a few years ago that his daughter asked him one day what he did. He had to think about it for a while but eventually defined himself as a Serial Entrepreneur. He was not bragging when he said that.  I don’t get many chances to be around him but when I am, I don’t do all the talking. I listen. He knows stuff I don’t know but want to know. When I’m around people like him, it’s not the time to start talking about how much I know and try to impress, it’s time to shut up and learn, glean, get some understanding. When I was young, I did the opposite. I would chatter constantly in an effort to impress. I seriously doubt that anyone was impressed.

If I could go back in time and give myself some advice, I would tell myself this. Walk in humility & become teachable. Become a learner. Everything changed for me when I learned the importance of true humility. It did three notable things:

  1. It opened up the flow of grace in my life. The Bible says in James 4:6 and in 1 Peter 5:5 that God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble. Grace is the gifts, equipping and power of God for you that was bought by the Blood of Jesus. These grace gifts enable us to walk out the will of God for our lives. Humility opens up the flow of grace but when we walk in pride, it actually causes God to resist us. Who needs that?!
  2. I began to get wisdom. I began to listen to those who knew more than me. This goes back to a previous post. I began to see that I didn’t need to take the beating for myself in order to learn the lessons. I could learn from the suffering of others with out having to bleed for myself.
  3. Humility and honor are constant companions. They travel together. When you humble yourself, GOD lifts you up! (Mat 23:12) When you humble yourself, HE exalts you.  He will cause you to have favor with those around you.

So what’s our next move?

This is a fight that we will all need to fight as long as we are on earth. No one “arrives” in the fight against pride. Lets take some time this week to really examine ourselves. Where do we stand with humility and being teachable? Do we think more highly of ourselves than we aught to think? (Rom 12:3). Ask God to show you where you’ve been missing it in this area. When He does, take steps to fix it. Remember, humbling yourself takes maturity and self control. Weak people don’t do it. The best way to deal with areas where you need to grow is to remind yourself of the price that Jesus paid for you and to realize that God wants to help you, but you have to humble yourself in order for His grace to flow.

Dear young man, there’s more to you than your penis!

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???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Here are some phrases I keep hearing from young men in our modern culture. “Gonna hit that!”, “Gonna get wit that!”, or “Gonna nail it!”. While it’s not always men saying this stuff, it’s men that I’m thinking about when I’m writing this post. I’m a man and I believe I am qualified to speak to men in this area. The men who live like this have no honor. Notice how the phrases objectify the subject, usually a woman by reducing them to “That” or “It”. The kind of man that would use those phrases above would be a man who’s predominantly driven by conquest. He’s a predator. His goal is the score. He’s not looking beyond it. What he expects after his little victorious moment is for everything to go back to the way it was before the score. Go hang out with friends and maybe talk about the conquest. Get up. Live life. Nothing changed. Just a hit; just a score; just another notch. No real consequences, at least not for him. No honor. Of course the deception is that you can do the sin and not get the death. Death always rides with sin. As I was thinking on this I wrote down some characteristics of a guy like this. The dishonorable man.

  • His friends are probably not real friends. The friends that push you toward these things does not have your best interest at heart. Some may even try to shame you when your hunt is unsuccessful. These are not real friends. You can’t trust these guys to have your back in a time of trouble.
  • His life will be full of shallow relationships. He will not have many, if any, deep meaningful relationships because his priority will be the physical. He comes around usually for only one reason. He has a wandering eye and is always pursuing the next conquest.
  • He’s a man of no restraint. He may think he’s a tough guy but he’s not. Where it matters, he’s absolutely weak. Every time a temptation or an urge comes up, he caves under it’s weight. He doesn’t exercise any discipline over himself. He’s also prone to losing his temper. When it comes to his feelings and his urges, he just gives in.
  • He leaves blood & guts in his wake. Many, many, many times I’ve seen it where there are young mothers toughing it out on their own because some carnal boy in a man-suit doesn’t have the real honest strength to stand up and be a man. I’m not just talking about standing by your mistake. I’m talking about not making mistakes. Using wisdom. Not taking chances when you are not ready for the result. Let me just say that I believe with all of my heart that God’s grace is there for the single parent. I am convinced that the Holy Spirit is the difference maker and where He’s involved, a single parent family can come through lacking nothing. It’s just not the best way. It’s gonna be a rougher road.

By contrast, the man of honor looks a little different.

  • He is humble. According to Proverbs 22:4, Honor comes by humility and the fear of the Lord (KJV). An honorable man has an honest estimation of himself. He doesn’t think more highly of himself than he aught to think.
  • He follows after what is right. Provers 21:21 (KJV) He that follows righteousness and mercy finds life, righteousness and honor. A man of honor will do what’s right even if it costs him. A man of honor understands that there are things more important than money or being liked and accepted and he values justice and mercy.
  • He avoids strife. Proverbs 20:3 (BBE) It is an honor for a man to keep from fighting, but the foolish are ever at war. A man of honor isn’t out there trying to prove how tough he is.
  • He listens to instruction. Prov 13:18 (BBE) Need and shame will be the fate of him who is uncontrolled by training; but he who takes note of teaching will be honored. I can’t stress this enough. The problem with so many is that they can’t receive correction. It’s sad because many times you have to let them learn through “Hard Knocks University”. They have to take the beating for themselves. It’s foolish to think that we don’t need correction. If that were the case, we would be perfect. That is NOT the case though. When we know we’re not perfect, why do we resist instruction and correction?
  • He pursues wisdom. Prov 4:7-8 says to get wisdom with everything you have. Lift wisdom up and she will promote you. Embrace her and she will bring you honor. Wisdom, the skillful application of knowledge, should be a life-long pursuit. Wisdom sees down the road and makes adjustments for what is coming. A man of honor looks down the road to see the eventual end of his actions. This keeps him from getting girls pregnant. This keeps him out of jail. This keeps him from losing his job. A man of honor pursues wisdom. Wisdom for every area of his life. God has made wisdom available for you to know the next step. Wisdom to resist in areas where you keep falling. Wisdom to rebuild broken relationships. The wisdom is there and the man of honor will seek it out.

Are you in an affair with your problem…or are you in a covenant with your solution? Stir up the gift!  -(AJRK) From Coy Wade.

These are things that are close to my heart. I strive to be a man of honor everyday. It really is a better life. If you have been struggling with the stuff I’ve talked about here, there’s still hope. You can get there. The first thing is that you need a “Want to”. Nothing in your life changes until you are properly motivated to want it. Nothing. How do you make the change? Here are a few short steps to get you moving in the right direction.

  1. Ask for forgiveness. (Click here for more information).  Ask God and if there’s another person, ask them too.
  2. Humble yourself to ask for help. The bible says that God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6 & 1 Pet 5:5). Grace is the unearned power of God. He wants to give it to you. By humility you recognize that you need His help and then just ask. Jesus said “Ask, and you shall receive, that your joy may be full”.
  3. Trust Him. Believe that He’s on the case. Mark 11: 24.
  4. Let peace rule in your heart and be thankful that He’s helping you. Col 3:15.

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Dad. Bug killer and so much more!

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Let’s talk about Arthropods for a minute.  Hold on, it will make sense in a minute.  I know, this is the weekend.  Why the organism classification lesson?  I’ll explain but first, here’s the definition.

Arthropod  [ ˈärTHrəˌpäd ]  noun: arthropod · plural noun: arthropods.   An invertebrate animal of the large phylum Arthropoda, such as an insect, spider, or crustacean.     Powered by OxfordDictionaries · © Oxford University Press.

Arthropod comes from the Greek and it literally means “joint-footed”.  It’s a phylum classification right under Kingdom in the seven levels of organism classification.  Pretty interesting right?  Why do I bring this up?  Because this phylum falls under the area of my boot.  These are all of the things that as a dad, it’s my job to kill.  I am the last line, nay, sometimes the only line of defense against the vile creepy crawly things that make the girls in my house shriek and climb on furniture.  Have mercy! If I’m not home when a “Bug Event” happens, I get to hear all about it when I do get home; every detail right down to a vivid description of the sound of the crunch.  Things have only gotten worse since we’ve moved to a state where the spiders grow big.  It doesn’t help much that we live out of town a little and there are fields, livestock and green areas nearby.  We don’t leave the porch light on too long because it will summon so many bugs that you will undoubtedly let several in with you when you come in the house.   These are things that I don’t mind though.  I’m dad.  Most of the time, I love being the place where the buck stops and I certainly don’t have a problem with my conscience while murdering Arthropods.

Shoe

One time, several years ago, our Boxer, his name was Hobbs, ate a dryer sheet or something like that.  We didn’t know about it until he went out to do his big business.  What ever it was that he ate didn’t have enough substance for his body to handle efficiently.  We looked out the back door to see our dog running around the yard with several inches of something hanging out of his nether regions. It didn’t seem to be bothering him a bit.  He wanted to come inside.  I don’t think so buddy!  After all the “Ew! Gross!” it became apparent that this was another job for the last line of defense.  Dad.  The bottom line.  The place where the buck stopped!  My first thought was, “Which pair of pliers are the cheapest and most disposable? And where are they?”  Needless to say, we got it taken care of and everyone laughs about it today.

When one has not had a good father, one must create one.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

There are lots of icky, disgusting things that will happen in a family, with pets, children and maybe even both at the same time.  If dad is there, these things will very often be his job to deal with.  And while these are important, there are some far more important things that dad should be bringing to the table.

  1. Be an example of an honest man to your family.  I can’t stress this enough.  Your children need to know that you are telling them the truth.  They will not be able to trust you and have confidence in your word if you are in the habit of lying to them.  The reason we can trust our Heavenly Father is because His Word doesn’t break down.  He’s behind it making it come to pass.  Like God, we as fathers should be willing to do what ever it takes and to go to extraordinary lengths in order to make our word stand up.  A man and his word are inseparable.  Also, your children will model what you do more than what you say.  If you don’t want your children to be dishonest, you need to get dishonesty out of you.
  2. Be an example of integrity to your family.  The simplest definition of integrity is “Undivided” and “Whole”.  If a man has integrity, that means that he’s undivided.  He’s not moving in two directions.  He’s not a hypocrite.  He is not presenting himself one way but behind the scenes, he’s doing something else.  Integrity falls in close to honesty.  A father with integrity is an open book.
  3. Be an example of humility to your family.  I don’t think most people fully understand what humility is.  I think most people equate being humble with being weak.  This is not the truth.  True humility is being completely honest about yourself.  The bible cautions us not to think more highly of ourselves that we aught to think (Rom 12:3 KJV), but to think soberly (Greek – sophroneo = right mind).  Humility is to have a very real, undiluted understanding of who you really are, what you really can do, and what you are really responsible for.  The Bible doesn’t say that you can’t think highly of yourself, it says not to think more highly than you aught.  A man of humility will have an honest look at himself and discern what is “of himself” and what is “the grace of God”.  When we realize that our very next breath and heartbeat comes from God, we get perspective about how much of our life is only possible because of His grace & mercy.  This mindset is true humility.
  4. Be an example of submission and authority to your family.  Your family needs to see you submitting to a higher authority.  It may be how you relate and respond to your own parents, your pastor or your boss.  It helps your children have an understanding that things need to have an order, and just as you stand in submission in certain areas of your life, in others you stand in authority.  Your example in these areas will teach your children that both are necessary.  People who struggle in submitting to authority will be severely handicapped in life and work. They will be held back by their own stubbornness and arrogance.
  5. Be an example of a faithful man to your family.  Are you worthy to have others put faith in you?  A few years back I served in church with someone that would sometimes not show up.  I used to get a little frustrated because when I went to rely on them, it was a gamble as to whether they would be there or not.  They were unfaithful.  Unfaithfulness doesn’t mean that you’re not there; it means that you are not consistent and therefore can’t be fully trusted with the heavy lifting in a relationship; whether it be personal or professional.  What this person didn’t realize was that by being unfaithful, they undermined their own trustworthiness and reputation.  Even though I like them as people and enjoy fellowshipping with them, when the chips are down, I don’t call them.  Faithfulness to your family should mean that their hearts SAFELY trust in you.  Proverbs 25:19 says that confidence in an unfaithful man in a time of trouble is like a broken tooth or a foot out of joint.  In either case, you will suffer when you put pressure on them.

My dad wasn’t there to teach these things to me, but if my example shows you anything, it’s that if you trust God, you will not be deficient.  He will see to it that you get what you need.

What other things can you add to my list?  Join the conversation by leaving a comment.  Also, if this has helped you in any way and you think it might help someone else, please share it.  Also, consider signing up to my mailing list.  You can receive these posts by email and not miss one.