Category Archives: Personal Growth

Great books I’ve read in the last year.

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While I have always enjoyed reading, I haven’t always been a big reader.  Reading was always something I did when I had to.  The first book I can remember reading on my own, without anyone making me, was called “King of the Wind”.  It was a book about a horse named Sham, and his mute stable boy named Agba.  I don’t remember much of the story because I read it in third grade, but I remember really liking it.

I became a serious reader when I became a Christian.  I made it a point to read my Bible every night before I would go to sleep.  I also developed a strong appetite for teaching books by Christian authors like Kenneth E. Hagin & Kenneth Copeland.  I read all I could get my hands on.

After several years, I became exposed to other famous authors and famous non fiction books, such as Dale Carnegie’s How to win friends and influence people, and John Maxwell’s 21 irrefutable laws of Leadership.  I try to flip through these every year or two to keep fresh on their content.  With few exceptions, I stick mainly to non-fiction.

This year I put forth serious effort to read more, good quality books.  The one’s I talk about here came highly recommended. I would have to say, while I liked some more than others, they were all good and I would recommend all of them to anyone who’s goal is personal growth.  So, without further ado, here’s my list.

The Art of Work – A proven path to discover what you were meant to do.  By Jeff Goins.  Published by Thomas Nelson.

In The Art of Work,  Jeff breaks the book into three main parts, Preparation, Action & Completion.  He examines our purpose, and our journey toward fulfill our calling.  He examines how we look at vocation, career & calling, ultimately leading to the truth “Meaningful work is available to anyone who dares to find it”.

 

 

Launch – Jeff Walker.  Published by Morgan James.     Jeff Walker outlines his secret formula for marketing online.  Jeff started with humble beginnings as a stay at home dad with an interest in the stock market.  His first online business started with a subscription newsletter about the stock market and grew from there.

Jeff points out that there are a lot of online marketers out there, teaching a lot of stuff, but we need to pay attention to the successful ones.  What’s important isn’t necessarily what they are teaching, it’s what they are doing.  The successful ones are usually using Jeff’s formula. Launch outlines how almost anyone can start an online business.

 

Platform – Get noticed in a noisy world. By Michael Hyatt.  Published by Thomas Nelson.

Michael is the former CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishers.  He points out that while there were some tremendous book ideas submitted for publishing over the years, many were refused because no one had ever heard of the author.  Michael outlines why we need a platform and offers step by step guidance in building your own, including building your home base, expanding your reach and handling social media.

 

 

The One Thing, The surprisingly simple truth behind extraordinary results.  By Gary Keller. (Published by Bard Press).
Gary is the Chairman of the board and co-founder of Keller Williams Realty, the largest real estate company in the world.  The One Thing focuses on success and productivity by addressing three major points.
A. The lies we’ve been told about productivity and work, and how they have misled and derailed our success.
B. The simple truth about real productivity.
C. Getting extraordinary results and unlocking your possibilities.
It’s a great book that even comes with a “Do not disturb, I’m working on my one thing” door hanger bound into the back of the book.

 

Living Forward –  a proven plan to stop drifting and get the life you want.  Michael Hyatt & Daniel Harkavy.  (Published by Baker Books).
This book focuses on our desire for a life of meaning and significance, joy and satisfaction.  Michael & Daniel break down life planning into three main parts.  First, understanding the need, second, understanding the mission, and finally, making it happen.  This book is very interactive, and asks you to take a minimum of one full day to stop, and give real real, intentional thought to your life.

They first ask you to write your own eulogy, with a sharp focus on how you want to be remembered.  The authors encourage you to break your life into categories, and then establish a vision in each.  Living Forward helps you to identify and write down the goals for each category, and establish a plan to accomplish them, while continuing to grow in each.  Both Daniel & Michael are Christians and they acknowledge that our plans will change as we come to know and more fully understand God’s direction for our lives.  They have a built in review schedule for you to tweak, update, or fully revise your life plan.  I highly recommend this book.

 

Essentialism – Greg Mckeown.  (Published by Crown Business).    Greg starts off telling the story of Dieter Rams, a lead designer for Braun.  Deiter designed by a principle which in German is stated – Weniger aber besser. The English translation is “Less, but better”.  I now have this statement on the wall in my office at work.

It was Deiter that we can thank for taking the home stereo from being the Oak, or walnut monolith of the past, that took up a large portion of the living room, to being the sleek, streamlined component based stereo that fit in far less space.  Less, but better.  Essentialism is not about getting more done in less time. It’s about getting only the right things done.  Peter Drucker said “There is surely nothing quite so useless as doing with great efficiency what should not be done at all.”  There are a lot of people who are very busy but not productive.

Essentialism examines the discipline of finding the essential, and eliminating what is not.  It asks and answers the question:  How can we discern the trivial many, from the vital few.

 

The Traveler’s Gift – Seven decisions that determine personal success.  By Andy Andrews.  (Published by Thomas Nelson).
The Traveler’s Gift is a fictional story of a man named David Ponder.  David is a 46 year old man struggling with his life.  On the way home from being fired from his job, David is in a car accident.  His last words before losing consciousness are “God, Why Me?”

David awakens in another time, and in the course of his journey through time, he meets seven people.  Each person gives David a scroll with a message on it.  These messages are nuggets of wisdom that ultimately change David’s life.

 

Decisive, How to make better choices in life and work. By Chip and Dan Heath.  (Published by Crown Business).
I found this book very insightful.  It helped me recognize areas in my decision making that were not very helpful.  The Heath Brothers examine decision making by highlighting the four villains of decision making.  There is good advice and guidance for the person struggling with choices.

They discuss everything from our tendency to only collect research that supports our already held beliefs or desires, to our tendency to only look at our problems through a remarkably narrow frame of vision.

 

Love Does – Discover a secretly incredible life in an ordinary world.   By Bob Goff.  (Published by Thomas Nelson).
Bob is the founder and CEO of Restore International.  A nonprofit organization fighting injustices against children. He also shares leadership in a law firm in Washington state called Goff & Dewalt, which practices in Washington and California.  He also serves as Honorary Consul to the Republic of Uganda.

This book is full of remarkable and interesting stories from Bob’s own life.  Each chapter declares a topic, Bob gives a short sentence about his personal belief, and then tells a story about it.

This book challenges the Christian to move away from the heavy weight of being religious, and just start loving, serving and helping people.

 

Take the Stairs – Seven steps to achieving true success.  By Rory Vaden.  (Published by Pedigree Publishing).

This book examines productivity, procrastination and self discipline.  Rory outlines seven strategies for helping us to live a more disciplined life.

He points out that many people don’t take the stairs because they are too busy looking for the escalator.  Rory points out that there really is no escalator, and that, once you kill the idea that there is an escalator (an easy way), you’ll realize that the fastest way to get what you want is to actually do the work, and make your goals a reality.

 

There you have it.  These were all worth my time to read, and I find myself using nuggets from each of them in my everyday life.

What books have you read that you would recommend?  Please share in the comments.

Until next time,

Art

Don’t be afraid of the test

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There’s a company called the Automotive Testing & Development Service (ATDS) – (howstuffworks.com).  They specialize in putting cars & trucks to the test.  Their goal is to try to put a lifetime amount of wear and use on an automobile in a short time, to see when failures will occur.

They test engines by putting cars on static dynamometer and running them at 120 mph for months to determine the lifespan of the engine. They’ll also take a car to the track & run it 24/7 for more than a month.

Their purpose is to provide product data to the car manufacturers so that they can make better engineering choices and build more durable, safer cars.  To do that, the cars and trucks have to be tested to see where the failure points are.  To measure how much they can take.  It’s important to understand that test are designed to take these cars to their absolute limit.

A Lot of Christians seem to think that the purpose for tests and trials is to break them.  They imagine God on high, watching their failure.  When they fail, they imagine Him shaking His head in disappointment as if to say “I knew it”.

Others believe that it’s not God testing us but they don’t really know what part He plays in it.  They believe that He’s with them in their trouble.  While they may wish for a miracle, all they might actually expect from Him is that He will comfort them and hold their hand while they spin down the drain.

Does God test us?  The answer is yes. But before we get too far, let’s draw a distinction between test and tempt.  In the King James Version of the Bible, the words test and tempt are sometimes used interchangeably but their meanings are different.

The Hebrew word for Tempt used in Gen 22:1 where scripture says God tempted Abraham, literally means “To Test”.  The meaning borne out in the definition says “to attempt, assay, prove, tempt, try”.  The word “prove” stands out to me.  It gives the idea of testing in order to measure.  To find out where the failure point is.

In contrast, James 1:13 says “Let no man say when he is tempted, I am tempted of God: for God cannot be tempted with evil, neither tempteth he any man”.  While the word used for tempt here is very similar, it also carries the meaning of “To entice”.

We can see how it happens in the next verse.  He is drawn away by his own lust (literally means Longing).  The existence of the longing/lust is not wrong.  It wouldn’t be a temptation if you didn’t have a desire for it.  Even Jesus was tempted. That tells us that temptation is, in and of itself, not sin. The problems come in when we YIELD to the temptation.

I also want to point out that God knows your heart.  He already knows what you can stand and what you can’t.  1 Corinthians 10:13 says “There is no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it.” NKJV.   This verse is both a comfort and a challenge.  God knows my failure point, and he will not allow me to be tempted above what I can bear.  If he did, then when I’m judged, I could literally say “I couldn’t help it”.  But that can not be said because God will never allow a temptation to come that you can’t escape.  The grace is there for each of us to do the right thing EVERY TIME.

This tells me a few things:

  • First – God loves us dearly, and He is always watching out for us to make sure that we’re not facing anything bigger than we can deal with.  He is our rear guard.
  • Second – On any given day, if I find myself looking a temptation in the eye, it’s because God has given me the grace gifts and the wisdom to pass this test.  If it shows up at all, it’s because God let it through, and that tells me that I have been equip with what it takes to pass this test.
  • Third – This tells me that the failure point isn’t set in stone, it can be moved.  You are probably not falling into sin as easily as you used to in certain areas.  This means that, at least in some areas, you have matured and grown strong.  You can and should be growing in all areas.  That means that we should be standing longer, operating with greater measure of faith, and getting greater results without failing.  It also means that we should be constantly raising the bar on ourselves.

Passing tests means greater use.  Once we’ve proven ourselves, God knows that He can give us more and we won’t cave, fall down, lock ourselves in the bedroom and cry “why, God why”.

Passing tests means proving that you are faithful.  You can be counted on.  God likes that.  God uses that.

Passing tests also means that greater tests will come.  Some days you just look at the test you’re facing in your situation and say “You’re a big boy, aren’t you?”, but then it just rises up in your heart “I can do all things through Christ, which strengthens me!”.

If you’re like me, you like things that are easy.  Tests are not easy, but tests carry with them the hope of promotion.  If we can keep that in mind, it will not only change the way we see trouble, but it will change the way we respond to it.

In 1 Tim 3:10, Paul writes concerning the office of a Deacon.  “Let these also first be proved; then let them use the office of a deacon, being found blameless”.  He points out that they need to be proven first…Then.  The Then comes once the results of the proving come in, and the man is found blameless.  This is always how it works with God. This is how He deals with everyone.  God’s desire is always to promote us.  When God proves us and allows the tests and trials, His intent is always to promote.   It is ALWAYS GOD’S WILL to promote you, but you’ve first got to be proven – and pass.

Next time you look at that co-worker you struggle to get along with, just imagine the word “TEST” tattooed across their forehead. It will help you keep perspective so you can know how to respond.

It’s one thing to know, it’s entirely another thing to do.  The book of James tells us that the ones that only hear are deceived.  It’s the doers that are blessed in their deeds.  So let me encourage you – Look at the things you’ve been failing in.  Where have you been falling down? God’s promise to us is that there is promotion on the other side of the test.

Are you going to pass?

Do you have what it takes?

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I read something on social media a while back where a young person was asking for someone to please be proud of him.  It got me thinking – a lot.  It saddened me that he felt that way, but the truth is, it is completely in his control.  

First, let’s look at the difference between I love you, and I’m proud of you.  

My love for you does not depend on how you act because it isn’t based on who you are, it’s based on who I am.  Love also can’t be taken, it can only be received. If it’s taken, it’s not real love, but something devious that we call manipulation.  Manipulation is the place where the selfish people play.  These will try to make you perform in order to be loved, but that’s not real. Real love must be given, not paid for.  It comes from the heart of love, and is demonstrated by giving.  This can be clearly seen in the famous Bible verse John 3:16.  

Joh 3:16  For God so loved the world that He gave His only-begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

There’s a huge difference between I love you, and I’m proud of you.  I love you can exist on it’s own because it’s not really dependent on you.  It’s a decision made by someone else, and it’s based on what’s in their heart, not on you, or what you have done.

That being said, when someone says I’m proud of you, that is a way of saying that they are pleased with you.  Being pleased or displeased with someone doesn’t mean that you don’t love them.  It just means that they have done something you think is awesome or they’re doing things you don’t like.  Maybe they’re doing something that you are uncomfortable with. This is where some might get confused.  People can love others, but not want to be around them because of the way they act.

When someone tells you they are proud of you, or are pleased with you, they are telling you that YOU have done well.  Pride in yourself, or other people being pleased with you is based on YOU.  It comes from what you do or have done.  How you act is what matters here.  

Here’s a hard truth, and the faster you learn it, the better off you’ll be.  People don’t really care how you feel.  Seriously.  They don’t.  What they do care about is what you do.  

You have an unspoken agreement with everyone you interact with.  They may care how you feel, but they care far more what you do.  So much of what happens to you, or for you, is based on how you act.  

Does it seem like nothing goes your way?  Is it hard to get ahead?  Does it seem like you just can’t get a break?  When I hear people say stuff like this, the first thing I start looking at is how well do they take instruction and criticism.  What I usually find is that when people think they are struggling and can’t seem to get ahead, it’s usually true.  The reason it’s true though is because they won’t listen.  They can’t take criticism without getting their feelings hurt or getting angry, and they can’t take instruction because they act like they already know it all.  

When you’re arrogant, people don’t like dealing with you.  They will push you to the sidelines of their life and only deal with you when they have to.  

I know this from experience.  When I was 19, I was hard to get along with.  I had a very bad attitude.  I was arrogant, smart mouthed, and easily offended.  I was a real pill.  I had a friend that I worked with named Tim. Tim cared enough for me to pull me aside one day and tell me the truth. He said “People don’t like working with you.  If you don’t change your attitude, you’re going to get fired.”  The fact that he was there talking to me about this meant that it was the topic of conversation among my coworkers and my supervisor.  He was warning me.  

While it was extremely hard to hear, it cut straight through my bad attitude and hit me right in my heart.  It was apparent to me that my friend didn’t want me to get fired.  He wanted me to change, to do better, and he knew that I was burning my own bridge and my time was running out.  

Let me stop here and ask you a question.  What would you do if you were me?  Would you spout off something like “I don’t need this  #@!* job anyway!” and storm out?  I didn’t.  I wanted that job.  I immediately humbled myself and asked him to help me.  I submitted myself to his oversight and invited his criticism; both of which he faithfully gave.  It was hard, it was SO hard.  I don’t know about you but I don’t like hearing bad stuff about myself.  I want everyone to like me all the way, all the time.  

I began to realize something in that time that has helped me stay steady ever since.  We all would agree that none of us are perfect. Criticism is one of the most effective ways to identify areas where growth is needed, but we all resist criticism all the time.  Part of the reason is because when someone points out one of your faults, it may not be your fault that’s the issue.  Maybe they are the one who’s actually more wrong that you.  Another reason is that, even when someone is right about us and our faults, we think they are just judging, and we don’t consider them qualified to judge us.

If you can get over that, if you can learn to see correction and criticism for what it really is, you will grow & mature faster than you can imagine.  What correction really is, is someone taking the time to point out that you could be doing a little better.  To really grow, you will have to want it enough to endure the discomfort of being corrected.  You will need to humble yourself.

The bottom line is that, if you want people to be pleased with you (proud of you), you have to do things that earn it.  It’s not too late to start down this road.  You can begin today and build the man you want to be.  It starts with humility, and being able to be corrected.

Are you at a disadvantage?

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Not too long ago, I heard a man talking about relationships.  He pointed out that because he was his father’s son, he was always able to go into the garage and use his dad’s tools.  Even when he became an adult and moved out of the house, he was still able to go over to his parents’ house whenever he needed to, and borrow a tool.  His point was that there were advantages to being the son, or daughter, that were not available to everyone else.

I know what it means to be a son, but I couldn’t relate to that whole garage story.  I didn’t have the advantage of a garage full of tools, and a dad who would let me borrow them.  I began to wonder.  What have I missed?  

Courtesy of stocksnap.io

I know of another young man who started a siding company.  This guy’s dad is a popular minister.  When the young man started his company, his dad leveraged his own influence & time to help his son promote the fledgling business.  I remember seeing the dad’s facebook posts, proudly talking about his son’s new business.  I would also see pictures posted of the dad standing at his son’s booth at a trade show, helping him promote it.  I think that is so cool.  

I wonder if these young men know what they have.  Compared to those of us who don’t have that kind of relationship with our dads, they certainly seem to have  an advantage.  

There have been many times in my life that I wished I had my dad with me, even if it was just to push me harder to man up.  There were many times when I noticed his absence and felt disadvantaged.  

Even now, the temptation is there to feel disadvantaged.   I have to keep reminding myself that it’s simply not true. There is no disadvantage when you know God.  His salvation is so great that it completely erases all disadvantage.  I believe the only reason we may feel disadvantaged is because we are getting supernatural help from our spiritual enemy.

I will say this though – Without God, the disadvantage is real.  It doesn’t take a missing father either. You could have an abusive father who’s there all the time.

Like the young man I mentioned above, some young men don’t want to follow in their father’s foot steps, but instead have the benefit of his influence to start their own enterprise.  That’s great too.

Joel Osteen is a tremendous example of someone who stepped into his father’s shoes, stayed true to the vision for Lakewood church, and has grown his church and his influence far beyond his father.  He has, by building on the legacy of John Osteen, continued the growth of the ministry, and he reaches millions more that just those that attend Lakewood.

Consider Joseph in the Bible. (Gen 37 – 41).  He was the great grandson of Abraham.  His dad was called Israel which means Prince of God.  He was heir to a tremendous covenant with Almighty God.  He had prophetic dreams.  His dad gave him a fancy coat.  Everything was just going awesome for him.  Then his brothers conspired to kill him.  Thankfully, they didn’t follow through but instead, sold him into slavery to the Ishmaelites.  There were many times in Joseph’s life where he had opportunity to think that he was disadvantaged.  His father’s influence was gone and he seemed to be alone.  There were probably many times that as a slave, and as a prisoner, he took a beating.  Think about it though.  He was never beyond the reach or the sight of the Almighty.  God knew exactly where he was.  Even as a slave and a prisoner, God didn’t forget about him and kept promoting him.

One day, there were only two people in all the land that knew that God had given Joseph supernatural wisdom, and used Joseph to interpret dreams.  The butler and the baker.  Within three days, one of them was dead (the baker).  Things really looked bleak for Joseph because when the butler was restored to his position, he forgot all about Joseph.  The day came though, where, in a single day, IN A SINGLE DAY – it went from one person knowing about Joseph, to everybody in the land knowing about Joseph.  That’s what I call promotion!

God was faithful to bring Joseph into his destiny, but Joseph had to be faithful even when it looked like things were only getting worse.  The promotion was from God, not Joseph, but the promotion would not have come had Joseph not been faithful when no one was watching. Even after his promotion, it was the favor that God had given him with the pharaoh, and his faithfulness to do the job that kept him there.  

It might seem to you that you are disadvantaged.  You have nothing going for you and everything is hard.  It may be true.  Through being prideful and hardening your heart, you may have damaged, or weakened relationships with others and now it seems like you are alone.  It doesn’t have to stay this way.  

God hasn’t forgotten about you. He knows where you are.  If you will draw near to Him, repent for your stubbornness and commit to do what He directs you to do in His word, He will get into your business and help you like He did for Joseph.  The very next step COULD be the first step in the right direction.  

I have a note on my cork board in my home office.  It’s a quote from Rev. Keith Moore.  It says “I don’t have to know anybody.  I don’t have to have any money.  I have faith in God, and faith in God is enough”.

When you have God, you are not disadvantaged.  Quite the opposite.  When you’re His, you have an extreme advantage!  You can do ALL THINGS through Christ which strengthens you.

Living In The Realm Of What Is, Not What Isn’t.

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When I was about eleven, my sister and I hatched a plan. My parents had divorced the year before, and my Dad lived three states away. We hadn’t seen him since before the divorce, and we missed him some kind of bad.

We heard that our grandparents were planning a trip to go see him. Our caper was simple, we would find a way to get to our grandparent’s house right before they left and we would stow away in their camper. They always had a camper and we were pretty sure they would take it on this particular trip. Our idea was that they wouldn’t find us until it was too late to drive back. You know, It would be a “Well, we’ve already gone this far”, kind of thing. It never quite worked out. We didn’t get to stow away in the camper.

A photo by Tim Arterbury. unsplash.com/photos/VkwRmha1_tI

Thinking back today, I’m so glad we failed. Eleven year old’s just don’t think very far ahead. When I think back on it and I think about all of the potential problems it would have caused, I just shudder. It would have likely cost everyone a lot of money and we would have ended up where we started. Also, it would have broken my mom’s heart and ruined my grandparent’s trip.  We were so focused on our Dad that we weren’t considering everyone else.

Recently I watched a documentary about Tony Robbins. It’s called “I’m Not Your Guru”. It chronicled one of Tony’s 4 day “Unleashing the Power Within” seminars. One of the people that Tony helped specifically, was a young woman who was there with her mom. This young woman had a fractured relationship with her Dad. I don’t remember what the issues were specifically, but I know he hadn’t been in her life for many years. One of the things that came to light was that she blamed her Dad for many of the difficulties that she had experienced. She felt abandoned. She traced most of the problems she faced in her life back to the fact that he wasn’t there.

Tony said something to her that stuck with me, and I’ve given it a lot of thought ever since. He pointed out that we have a tendency to fixate and obsess over what’s missing in our lives, and completely ignore what’s actually there. When it comes to our absentee fathers, we ascribe a value to them based on what we imagine would have been different, or better, had they actually been there. Everything from the rough neighborhood we had to live in growing up, to the imagined advantages that we never had because we didn’t have a man around to teach us man things.

When we obsess about the missing pieces in our lives, we hurt ourselves in many ways. I’ve outlined four that I had to deal with below.

  • When we focus on what’s missing, we ignore what we have. Spending all our time thinking about the Dad that left often blinds us to the Mom that stuck it out. When I think about the things my mom went through raising us, I am humbled. Against some pretty tremendous odds, she managed to keep us together. And it’s that more than anything else that gives us strength today.
  • When we focus on what’s missing, we develop a victim mentality. We look at our lives with a sense of powerlessness. Situations and circumstances are mostly beyond our control and we feel that we either have no right or no power to change things. This leads to the thinking that everything bad that happens to you is always someone else’s fault.
  • When we focus on what’s missing, we tend to become ungrateful. We tend to overlook the good that we have. We may unintentionally let all the negative overshadow the positive in our lives.  This includes all the people who never gave up on us.  The ones who stuck it out.
  • When we focus on what’s missing, we accept the limits of the wrong story. For many years, I thought that I couldn’t get ahead because my Dad left me without advantage. My friends and relatives who’s Dads were still there, helped them with things. Things like understanding money, basic knowledge of cars, work ethic, and knowing how to build and fix stuff. The first time my grand dad took me to the garage to work with him on my mom’s car, I had a revelation. I was not without help. I began to understand that I had a lot of the help that I thought I was missing. God just brought it to me by another route.

Tony Robbins made a strong statement to the young woman in the documentary. He said that if she was going to blame her Dad for the negative, she was also going to have to blame him for all the positive that came from it. She was going to have to blame him for the fact that she learned how to deal with problems. She was going to have to blame him for making her into a strong woman. She was going to have to give him credit for those things too.

Look at the person you are today. What difficulties or hardships in your past shaped you for the better? What do you possess today that you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t endured your past? It’s time to focus on what is, and forget about what isn’t.

It’s time to re-frame the picture of our life, let go of the imaginary life in our head that never happened and give real thought to how we can move forward from where we are. Let today be the foundation for a future where we focus on possibilities. Not a foundation that’s haunted by the ghost of what wasn’t, but, at least in our minds, should have been.

Cutting People Some Slack

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The other day I ran into some road work on my way home. This construction is not far from my house and I hit it nearly every day.  I tend to get into the correct lane early and slowly roll through the construction. Everyday many cars speed by on the left trying to get all the way up to the front of the slow line before attempting to merge. I’m almost never one of those people. I would rather get into the correct lane early, where the sign says “merge now”, rather than hoping someone will let me in later. One way is easy, the other can turn into a confrontational mess.

The other day, a pest control truck sped past everyone and forced its way into the traffic right before the lane closure. This got under my skin a little too much. I thought to myself, “What a ME FIRST jerk”! I remember thinking that someone should take a picture of his automotive billboard, you know, the truck with his name, number and business name all over the side, and paste it all over social media calling him out on his bad manners behind the wheel.

One to take on image card

Here’s where the problem came in. Earlier that same day, I had to go home for lunch in a hurry because of something urgent I needed to take care of. I was in a hurry and I’m sure there might have been people who thought my driving was fast and lacked courtesy. It probably was, I was in a legitimate hurry. We all have times when we are in a legitimate hurry. The pest control guy could have been racing home because of a distress call from his wife. I don’t know. So why did I automatically jump to negative thinking?

Unfortunately, we all often forget those times when we are judging others behind the wheel. Now I will concede that there are probably times when people are just being rude and selfish, but we won’t necessarily know, one way or the other. So why do we assume the worst? I catch myself doing this a lot and I hate it. Why is it that my first thought is that people are being mean spirited? Why do I seem to assume that people are being malicious first, and then have to re-think and make a conscious and deliberate decision to think more positively about them?

We have a tendency to judge others by the outcome but judge ourselves by our intentions. I have learned that when I’m tempted to judge a situation, the closer I get to it, the more I understand why it was done the way it was done. I need to keep this in mind to help me when I’m tempted to form a fast, uninformed opinion.

Jesus said in Luke 6:27 & 28 “But I tell you who hear: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you”. (WEB). This is not a suggestion from the Master, this should be our default setting, so how do we get this to be where we start? Instead of taking things the wrong way, thinking negatively about them and then catching ourselves, how do we begin on the right foot so to speak?

I think what I really need is a habit. I want my first thought to be positive. Some may say that it’s not even possible but I think we can be far better than we are. I know I have room to grow.

Hebrews says – For every one that useth milk is unskilful in the word of righteousness: for he is a babe. But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. (Heb 5:13-14).

We can get to the point where our very senses can be developed to discern whats right and wrong. How to we get to that point? The Bible says in Romans 12:2 that we are not to be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, that we may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God.

So the first step to making this change is to renew our minds with the scripture. This means getting plenty of exposure to it. It’s going to take more than a quick verse in the morning. Real change requires real commitment.

One thing you can do is print out 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and personalize it.  Tape this to your bathroom mirror and read it out loud every time you look into the mirror.  You can get a copy of it here.

I want to do better. Do you want to join me? This can be our One To Take On this week. Join the conversation by leaving a comment. You can also follow me on Facebook and Twitter. Just click the icons in the upper right corner.

Don’t forget to share.

I sure do appreciate you.

Art

What to do when you want to Get Even.

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Our good friends take us to dinner for our birthday. Suddenly, while we’re enjoying the food and the company, the waitstaff descends on us with a loudly sung song in celebration. It may involve horns, whistles and a funny hat. It almost always involves a dessert dish of some sort and a tiny bit of public embarrassment. We look at our dear friends after things quiet down and mutter “I’ll get even with you!”

Forgive social card background

Getting even. We all know what it means. Sometimes we use it jokingly, but often it comes from a place of being hurt, and it has become synonymous with retaliation. It usually means that someone has been hurt. One party has caused some sort of wrong or damage onto another.

Getting even comes from the idea that “Even” is the condition we all need to be in. In our interactions with one another, there is give and take. Even means scores are settled, debts are paid and we are on the level with one another. This is where we all attempt to live with each other.

For any number of reasons, someone may have done something that hurt us. Whether it resulted from an accident that they couldn’t fix, negligence that they wouldn’t fix, or a mean spirit where causing pain & trouble was the goal, you were the one who got hurt in the process.

Things need to be brought back into a state of being even. In natural man’s thinking, that means that a couple of things might likely happen.

  • Restitution. A person at the store accidentally backed into your car. Their insurance pays to bring things back to the way they were before the accident.The teenager across the street accidentally under-steers while backing out of the driveway and takes out your mailbox. They pay you to replace your mailbox.

    I remember the time I had to replace my uncle’s sliding glass door. I accidentally walked through it thinking it was open. It shattered everywhere. I payed for a new one. It was the right thing to do.

  • Revenge. Our legal system is based on a system of standardized and systematized revenge. People pay with portions of their lives based on how serious the crime was that they were convicted for. Stealing, first offense could get a sentence of one year of probation, while treason or terrorism could get the death penalty.One well known case of revenge was when Aaron Burr decided he had enough of what he considered Alexander Hamilton’s back room dealings. Burr challenged Hamilton to a duel. The duel resulted in Hamilton’s death.

    Revenge can even be something so small as back biting and gossip. You wouldn’t ever physically harm someone, but you’re going to make sure EVERYBODY knows what they did to you and how badly you were victimized by that meanie.

There is another road. It’s called forgiveness. Sometimes people can’t pay what’s owed. Revenge can be pretty costly. Usually when someone is the victim of revenge, they are pretty sure they didn’t deserve it. Then they might also retaliate, and then you have a war on your hands. Forgiveness is a better option. Forgiveness is the best way to get us back to even.

“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”
― Mahatma Gandhi,

What does it mean to forgive? When people truly forgive, they are pledging to give up their right to be offended or hurt. They drop it. You may have heard it said before, “I forgave them, but I will never forget it”. This isn’t true forgiveness.  True forgiveness is when we drop our claim.  That means not remembering…intentionally.

Webster’s dictionary defines forgive as:

  1. To give up resentment of or claim to requital for an insult.
  2. To grant relief from payment.
  3. To cease to feel resentment against an offender.
  4. To pardon one’s enemies.

In the Bible, the Greek word translated forgive in the New Testament is Aphiemi. (af-ee’-ay-mee). It means to send. In various applications it means to send forth. To send away. To yield up. We see this used 147 times in scripture. One notable place is found in 1 John 1:9. Where John writes – If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”
― C.S. Lewis

If we are really dropping our claim, if we are truly sending our offense forth, sending it away and yielding it up, then we will not be holding on to thoughts of it. If we really forgive, we stop bringing it up, or using it as leverage when we’re angry.

When we want to get even, we want restitution. If we can’t get that, we might seek revenge, but if you allow God to work in you, He will give you a heart of forgiveness. Think about it, there was no way we could pay restitution to Him, and thankfully, He didn’t seek revenge.  Instead, He made a way where we could get back to Him when we couldn’t get there for ourselves.  He extended His mercy and grace toward us in Jesus.  He offered us forgiveness.  Through His mercy, He lifted us to a place of peace with Him, where we have no fear of retaliation.  Christ Himself payed our restitution. (Click here to know more.) 1 Peter 2:21 says that Jesus gave us an example that we should follow in His steps.

Instead of getting even, you can forgive. By forgiving, you are showing the mercy that God has given to you.  You are getting back to even with them.  Instead of getting even, we can say you are giving even.

Love you guys! Don’t forget to share.

Art

You are being judged everyday.

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Throughout all my years in school, my favorite class was always art class. It didn’t matter what we were doing in that class, I loved it. I have always demonstrated a certain amount of skill when it came to art class. It was one of those areas where I was really good at it. That’s probably why I enjoyed it so much.

In seventh grade, the young men in my school began being exposed to the Industrial Arts. More classes that involved creating things…I couldn’t get enough. My seventh grade year, we studied metal-shop, wood-shop, plastics & drafting.

I have to say that of those four, I enjoyed drafting the least. I came into it with an expectation that it was going to be easy because I was artistically talented. I was wrong! Old school drafting is about protractors, angles, reading a ruler & accuracy. None of this stuff existed to any great degree in art class. It was here that I realized that I was in trouble, but it was also here that I learned a very important lesson that still influences me on a daily basis.

It all began when we had to draw our first mechanical drawing.  It was a three dimensional shape. I turned my project in to be graded and when I got it back, all the corners of my drawing, where the lines intersected, were circled with a red pen. I don’t remember getting a very good grade, and I was kind of disappointed. I should be good at this!  The reason for they were circled was because they extended beyond the intersection. When done right, they should terminate at the intersection. That marked the beginning of my education about Craftsmanship.

Mech drawing error

Craftsmanship
The skill involved in making something beautiful, or practical using your hands.
The beautiful or impressive quality of something that has been made using a lot of skill. (Macmillan Dictionary)

I bring this up because there are tons of people who are unsatisfied in their job, or in the direction their career may be going. When we get unsatisfied, or start to think that what we’re doing doesn’t matter, the quality of our work might begin to slip.  Maybe you were laid off when the economy went south, and now the job you have is a long way away from your dream job. Maybe you see this job as stop-gap job until you can get a “real” job. Because of that, you lack the drive or character to do your best.

Sadly, most people live their lives event to event. They are constantly pushing toward events where they think happiness will be. They see all this time in between those events as less significant or even meaningless. Living event to event actually pushes happiness to the horizon, where it can only be achieved at the next event. The truth is that these moments between events are moments of your life passing by. What you do in these moments matters. You can find fulfillment in these moments too.

I heard a story once about a father that assigned a chore to his son and left the son to do it. When the father came back, the son had finished the task but had done a very poor job of it. The father looked over the project and then looked at his son and said “People are going to assume they know the kind of man you are, by the kind of work you do.” His point was clear. Craftsmanship has a voice and it speaks.  Opinions are being formed about us based on what we do.

Think about the last time you were in a restaurant or a store and a person gave you poor service. What were your thoughts? Did you make assumptions about that employee based on the poor quality of their service? While we don’t necessarily think these people are mean spirited or menaces to society, we might think of them as lazy, arrogant or self centered.  We’re judging them based on their work.

In the same way, we are also being judged by the quality of our work.  What message is your work sending?

What’s the take away here?

Even if you don’t think your job is significant, even if you don’t feel like it’s your calling, you can still have integrity and strength of character to do your best at it anyway. Put your signature in your work, moment by moment, by doing your best in every moment.

Eph 6:5-8 Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in singleness of your heart, as unto Christ; Not with eye-service, as menpleasers; but as the servants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart; With good will doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men: Knowing that whatsoever good thing any man doeth, the same shall he receive of the Lord, whether he be bond or free.

What is Honor?

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What does it mean to be honored? I did a google search for images of honor and several images were found of the U.S. President placing a medal around the neck of a soldier. We celebrated Memorial Day recently where we honor the memory of our fallen soldiers. A large part of the observance of Memorial Day is to show honor by decorating their tombs and grave sites, and showing reverence for their sacrifice. It would seem then that honor has something to do with medals & decorations.

Monuments cropped

stocksnap.io

While we do show honor through medals & decorations, in most cases, what we are really honoring is an act. Usually an act of courage, valor, or bravery. Acts come from the inside of people. Consistent acts reveal what is in the heart in abundance. It is in times of long service, or service under high distress and danger that a person’s true character is revealed. It is in moments like these, when some people rise up to a level of true greatness, revealing qualities of exceptional leadership, bravery or self sacrifice. In the act of honoring, we are acknowledging in them a high quality that we revere and value. We are ornamenting a person because they have made a significant impact for good to those around them. They have made a difference.

When we look to scripture, we see in Malachi 1:6 God the Father is asking a question of the priests. He says “A son honors his father, and a servant honors his master. So if I am a father, where is my honor? If I am a master, where is my respect? You priests who despise my name.”

“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to
succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have.”
― Abraham Lincoln

In this scripture we see both sides of honor. God says “If I am and Father and a Master, where’s my honor?” Implying that God expected to be honored and respected. The farther implication is that God expects that parents and masters (employers) are to be honored and respected also. (Ex 20:12. Eph 6:1-3. Col 3:22. 1 Pet 2:18).

Recently I saw a picture on social media of a man with his Bible on his knee and his hand wresting on it. In his hand was a lit cigar. I don’t remember what his caption said, but it was something like “this is church this morning”. This man’s father is a well respected minister with international influence. This man’s wife is also a minister working hard to grow her influence.

One of my first thoughts when I saw the picture was “Did his dad teach at home what he was teaching publicly?” Here’s why I’m bringing this up. This young man has what appears to be a successful business in town. At least in part, the success of the business is because his dad leveraged his own influence to help his son get launched. Many of the people who are following this young man on social media are doing so because of his father. Many of the people who saw that picture follow his father and whether people will admit it or not, this picture struck a blow against his father’s credibility. I will not say that it ruined it because his dad is a fine, upstanding man. I will say though, that it caused questions to be asked that would not have even been thought before the picture was posted. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The beginning of honor is to not cause shame (see The Road To Honor) .

Hypothetically, what if someone were considering asking this man’s wife to minister in their church, but decided against it because of this photo? I am not this man’s conscience. I am not his judge. My points here are based completely on the topic of honor and the apparent thoughtlessness of his actions.

“The most tragic thing in the world is a man of genius who is not a man of honor.”
― George Bernard Shaw

What is honor? Honor is to value as heavy. In the old days when barter and trade would happen, weights and scales were used to determine the value of things. Heavy usually meant better. Even in quality, heavy usually meant better built with more sturdy materials. When something was heavy, it was considered to be worth more. To honor is defined as value as heavy, Showing deference. A good name or public reputation. A showing of merited respect. High worth, and as a verb, a gesture of deference (bow).

The root word in Hebrew literally means: To cause to shine, to glorify or to add luster. This is the definition that I think of when I think of honor. When I think about my relationship with God, my parents & my leaders, I understand that I always need to be reverentially respectful toward them and to always live my life in a way that causes them to shine. I live to add luster to them. This is honor – and as you can see, honor comes from living from what they put into you. This is why poor choices bring dishonor and shame to them.

For me, the clearest example of honor was found in my paternal grandmother. She and my grandpa had been together for many years and raised nine children. When he passed away, she had a large photo of him framed and placed prominently on the wall in her living room. One Sunday afternoon when I stopped by for a visit, she confided in me that sometimes, when she was alone, she would talk to him. She also told me that she kissed that picture at night before she went to bed. This illustrates honor so clearly to me because of the way she honors his memory. She was showing how much she loved him and how heavily she valued him.

Honor is lacking in our world today. People hear the word and don’t understand what it really means. Because of this, they can’t do it and are suffering because of it. In the next few weeks, I want to go deeper into it and talk more about what it is, but also who we are to honor and what the benefits are because we walk in honor.

Understanding that to honor is to value, take some time this week to examine your life? Are you honoring those you should be honoring? Are you walking worthy of it yourself? Join the discussion by leaving a comment.

I appreciate you all!

Art

***Quotes above were found at:
http://www.goodreads.com

 

How Promotion Comes.

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If we could promote ourselves, we might all be at the very top of our respective companies. We might all be making top money. We could show up at the company that we owned, at about 10:30 in the morning, driving our brand new Aston Martin Vanquish…Okay, that might just be me.

$100 bills

I am curious though. How many of us would hesitate to promote ourselves because we knew deep down that we lack the skills and credentials to do the higher paying, higher responsibility jobs? I think most of us would probably give ourselves the benefit of the doubt and go ahead & try. Sadly, this would likely result in many companies failing within just a few months.

Truthfully, while you can’t directly promote yourself, you have a lot of control over whether or not you actually get promoted. It’s true. It’s mostly up to you. Let’s look at the example of David in the Bible.

In just the few verses of Psalm 78:70-72, we learn quite a bit about how and why God chose David to be King of Israel.

 

Psa 78:70 He also chose His servant David, and took him from the folds of the flock;

71 He brought him in from the suckling ewes; He brought him to feed His people Jacob, and His inheritance, Israel.

72 And he fed them in the integrity of his heart; and guided them in the skillfulness of his hands. (LIT)

 

We see that God chose David. David did not directly choose this for himself. But what was behind God’s choice? What did He see in David?

We see that God separated him from the sheep fold. David was a shepherd. David was caring for sheep, but not just sheep, lots of baby lambs. The King James version of verse 71 says God took him from following the ewes, great with young. David was shepherding birthing mothers & lots of babies. I can just imagine David now, setting on a log with a lamb in his lap while he is hand feeding it, as he looks out watchfully over the flock to make sure they are all safe.

God joined him to His people. David’s mandate from Heaven was to feed Jacob and Lead Israel. I think this is telling. It shows us God’s heart toward His people and the specific traits he looks for in those he chooses to lead them.

So why did God choose him? Verse 72 says David fed them (Jacob) in the integrity of his heart, and he guided them (Israel) in the skillfulness of his hands.

God saw him doing this with the lambs. God saw his integrity and his skill & wisdom while he was just watching the sheep. David was faithful in the little things and did them with integrity.

So, what kind of shepherd was David? We get a little taste from 1 Sam 17.

1Sa 17:34 And David said to Saul, Your servant has been a shepherd among sheep for his father. And the lion came, and the bear, and took away a sheep out of the flock.

35 And I went out after him and struck him, and delivered out of his mouth. And he rose against me, and I took hold of his beard and struck him, and killed him.

36 Your servant has struck both the lion and the bear, and this uncircumcised Philistine shall be as one of them, for he has reproached the armies of the living God.

37 And David said, Jehovah, who has delivered me out of the paw of the lion, and out of the paw of the bear, He shall deliver me from the hand of this Philistine. And Saul said to David, Go, and Jehovah be with you.

 

  • David was a man of faith! We can see that David had a very deep trust in God. He knew who he was in regard to the covenant.
  • David values the flock. We also see that when it came to the sheep, David considered his lambs so valuable that he went out, confronted and killed predators that were known to kill people. He did it more that once. Even one sheep was so important to David that he put his own life on the line to save it.
  • David was selfless. This was so powerful to God that he said of David “I found David” the son of Jesse “to be a man according to My own heart, who will do all My will.” (Acts 13:22 LIT).
  • We see something similar when Paul was writing to the Corinthian church. He said “And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved.” 2Co 12:15.
  • And again when Paul was writing to the Philippians, he tells them that he’s getting ready to send Timothy to them. He shows us why he is sending Timothy and not some other “Well Known” minister. Timothy had the same heart that Paul had. Paul said “For I have no man like-minded, who will naturally care for your state. For all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s. Phil 2:20, 21. Everybody else had self serving motives.

So what does this mean for us? What is the take away here?

God Himself said that David was a man after His own heart, who would fulfill all His will. The secret to David’s success wasn’t found just in God “Picking” him and then he became great. The anointing came on him when Samuel poured oil over his head, but the qualities that made him an excellent king were already in him and made him an excellent shepherd. He walked ever day in faith, integrity, wisdom & skillfulness. He didn’t just do his best, he did his best to do it God’s way.

Think about it. If I’m looking for good help to do something I need done, I’m looking for someone who can faithfully do it THE WAY I WOULD DO IT. How many times have you been the recipient of someone’s help and you had to do it over when they left?

God is looking for people who will submit to His will, do things His way & do them faithfully. These are the same attributes that will cause you to get promotion in every area of your life.

I invite you to take some time this week to examine your own heart. Ask yourself this one question.

Are you doing it all Your Way?