Category Archives: Leader/Mentor

Are you at a disadvantage?

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Not too long ago, I heard a man talking about relationships.  He pointed out that because he was his father’s son, he was always able to go into the garage and use his dad’s tools.  Even when he became an adult and moved out of the house, he was still able to go over to his parents’ house whenever he needed to, and borrow a tool.  His point was that there were advantages to being the son, or daughter, that were not available to everyone else.

I know what it means to be a son, but I couldn’t relate to that whole garage story.  I didn’t have the advantage of a garage full of tools, and a dad who would let me borrow them.  I began to wonder.  What have I missed?  

Courtesy of stocksnap.io

I know of another young man who started a siding company.  This guy’s dad is a popular minister.  When the young man started his company, his dad leveraged his own influence & time to help his son promote the fledgling business.  I remember seeing the dad’s facebook posts, proudly talking about his son’s new business.  I would also see pictures posted of the dad standing at his son’s booth at a trade show, helping him promote it.  I think that is so cool.  

I wonder if these young men know what they have.  Compared to those of us who don’t have that kind of relationship with our dads, they certainly seem to have  an advantage.  

There have been many times in my life that I wished I had my dad with me, even if it was just to push me harder to man up.  There were many times when I noticed his absence and felt disadvantaged.  

Even now, the temptation is there to feel disadvantaged.   I have to keep reminding myself that it’s simply not true. There is no disadvantage when you know God.  His salvation is so great that it completely erases all disadvantage.  I believe the only reason we may feel disadvantaged is because we are getting supernatural help from our spiritual enemy.

I will say this though – Without God, the disadvantage is real.  It doesn’t take a missing father either. You could have an abusive father who’s there all the time.

Like the young man I mentioned above, some young men don’t want to follow in their father’s foot steps, but instead have the benefit of his influence to start their own enterprise.  That’s great too.

Joel Osteen is a tremendous example of someone who stepped into his father’s shoes, stayed true to the vision for Lakewood church, and has grown his church and his influence far beyond his father.  He has, by building on the legacy of John Osteen, continued the growth of the ministry, and he reaches millions more that just those that attend Lakewood.

Consider Joseph in the Bible. (Gen 37 – 41).  He was the great grandson of Abraham.  His dad was called Israel which means Prince of God.  He was heir to a tremendous covenant with Almighty God.  He had prophetic dreams.  His dad gave him a fancy coat.  Everything was just going awesome for him.  Then his brothers conspired to kill him.  Thankfully, they didn’t follow through but instead, sold him into slavery to the Ishmaelites.  There were many times in Joseph’s life where he had opportunity to think that he was disadvantaged.  His father’s influence was gone and he seemed to be alone.  There were probably many times that as a slave, and as a prisoner, he took a beating.  Think about it though.  He was never beyond the reach or the sight of the Almighty.  God knew exactly where he was.  Even as a slave and a prisoner, God didn’t forget about him and kept promoting him.

One day, there were only two people in all the land that knew that God had given Joseph supernatural wisdom, and used Joseph to interpret dreams.  The butler and the baker.  Within three days, one of them was dead (the baker).  Things really looked bleak for Joseph because when the butler was restored to his position, he forgot all about Joseph.  The day came though, where, in a single day, IN A SINGLE DAY – it went from one person knowing about Joseph, to everybody in the land knowing about Joseph.  That’s what I call promotion!

God was faithful to bring Joseph into his destiny, but Joseph had to be faithful even when it looked like things were only getting worse.  The promotion was from God, not Joseph, but the promotion would not have come had Joseph not been faithful when no one was watching. Even after his promotion, it was the favor that God had given him with the pharaoh, and his faithfulness to do the job that kept him there.  

It might seem to you that you are disadvantaged.  You have nothing going for you and everything is hard.  It may be true.  Through being prideful and hardening your heart, you may have damaged, or weakened relationships with others and now it seems like you are alone.  It doesn’t have to stay this way.  

God hasn’t forgotten about you. He knows where you are.  If you will draw near to Him, repent for your stubbornness and commit to do what He directs you to do in His word, He will get into your business and help you like He did for Joseph.  The very next step COULD be the first step in the right direction.  

I have a note on my cork board in my home office.  It’s a quote from Rev. Keith Moore.  It says “I don’t have to know anybody.  I don’t have to have any money.  I have faith in God, and faith in God is enough”.

When you have God, you are not disadvantaged.  Quite the opposite.  When you’re His, you have an extreme advantage!  You can do ALL THINGS through Christ which strengthens you.

DO YOU SUFFER FROM LIMITED THINKING?

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Henry Ford said “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right”.

I used to think that there were a lot of things that were unobtainable to me. A lot of places I couldn’t reach. And I was right. While it seemed like the circumstances were holding me down, it wasn’t the circumstances that were really limiting me. It was my thinking. As I grew up, I learned that I could reach further than I thought. I began to understand that the things that were limiting me and locking me into my small life, were actually movable. I could change them.

Courtesy of Stocksnap.io

Courtesy of Stocksnap.io

Hear this again…I learned that I could reach further than I thought. Much of the time, I didn’t try to reach further than I thought. Why, because I didn’t try to think further, and because of that, I couldn’t see very far. I had no vision for it. I was limited by what I thought.

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right” -Henry Ford.

I can truthfully say today, for me, the idea of No Control is a lie. It was not always a lie though. There was a time when “I can’t help it” was the truth. Not because it was impossible, but because I couldn’t see past the limits.

We often let our circumstances fill our windshield and become so big that they are all we can see. We begin to feel that they are beyond our control. We don’t see any options. Part of the problem is that we tend to bring the problem into ultra sharp focus and then the only choices we see are the ones that are close. Chip and Dan Heath in their book Decisive, call this the Narrow Frame. Often this becomes evident when we hear phrases like Should I, or shouldn’t I? Yes or No. We tend only to see the options that are in the spotlight, completely ignoring all the other possibilities because they are not in the narrow frame.

That’s really something to think about. Our choices are limited because they are the only ones we’re looking at. We may have many more options but we don’t see them because we’re stuck with narrow frame vision. The limit is really what we can or can’t see.

A long time ago, I started my first apprenticeship to learn how to run a printing press. I remember the first time I was washing up the press, I left some of the old ink in the corners & creases of the ink fountain. It looked like old, dried on ink that had built up and had been there for years. When Tim, the guy training me, came to inspect my work, he zeroed in on the ink fountain and made me clean it again. I told him that I thought it was dried on and built up over time. He insisted that I give it another shot and do better. Truthfully, it took me just a few extra minutes of serious cleaning to get the fountain completely clean. My problem was that it LOOKED like it had been dried on and built up over time so I didn’t give it the effort. I allowed what I was seeing, or at least how I was interpreting what I was seeing, impose a limit on me, and because I thought I couldn’t, I gave the kind of effort that comes with “I can’t”.

I’m thankful today that Tim made me do it right. I began to see that when you get to the limits of what you think is possible, you should go ahead and push harder. You will be surprised. There’s almost always more out there.

If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you’ve always got.

The question that emerges is this:  Can we change what we can see? Can we change how far we can see? Do we have any control over our vision? I would say that we do, to a certain extent, but I also know that sometimes, we don’t know there are questions there to be asked. We don’t know what we don’t know. So then, how can we expand our vision?

Tim had been a press man for over 20 years. He knew that the fountain could be cleaned. If Tim hadn’t been there to drive me to a better result, I would have settled for my first one. That is the point of an apprenticeship. An apprentice learns from a master. This means that in order to expand your vision:

  1. You have to expose yourself to people who know what you don’t. This is a common denominator in the lives of people who excel. They have mentors or are following someone who knows what they want to know. I have a few older gentlemen in my life that I look to for guidance. I also follow some successful people online.When Jesus gave the invitation for the twelve to follow him, the word follow that He used comes from the words for Union and Road. The implication is To be in the same way with, to accompany, follow and reach.
  2. You have to be teachable. The book of Proverbs in the Bible continually points out that fools despise instruction.
    Pro_12:15  The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.
    Pro_15:5   A fool despiseth his father’s instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent.
    Pro_23:9  Speak not in the ears of a fool: for he will despise the wisdom of thy words.
    The bottom line is that you already know what you know. To get new information, you have to listen to the wisdom of people who have already traveled the road you’re on.  This usually means being quiet.
  3. You have to act on what you learn. James 1:22 says that we need to be doers of the Word, and not just hearers. We may have heard something awesome that has the potential to unlock the barriers in our lives. The temptation is to think that because we know it, it’s working for us. James says that when we think this way, we deceive ourselves. It’s the doer that is blessed in his deeds.
  4. You have to practice. I have a Fender Stratocaster guitar. So does Eddie Van Halen. I know how to play guitar. So does Eddie Van Halen. Are Eddie and I equals when it comes to playing the guitar? I wish. What’s the difference? Eddie stays up all night practicing all the time. In his early years, he would sit on the edge of his bed practicing while his brother was out on dates. What’s the difference between me and Eddie? About 10,000 hours of practice.
  5. You have to push yourself. Rory Vaden says “You can not balance your way into an extraordinary result”. You must imbalance yourself in the direction of what’s important. In the documentary The Five Keys of Mastery, the final key is Play the edge. This means that you need to always be pushing yourself beyond what you’ve done before. This means pushing yourself out of your comfort zone.

One of my favorite quotes has been attributed to everyone from Tony Robbins to Albert Einstein. I don’t know who said it first but the truth of it is no less powerful. If you always do what you’ve always done, then you’ll always get what you’ve always got. If we want better in our life, in our job, in our relationships, then we are going to have to do something different. We may have to start listening to different people, or hanging with different friends. In AA they call it ‘Changing your playground’.  The point is that in order to see further, we have to expose ourselves to new input.  We can take steps today to remove the limits from our thinking.  I’m in…Are you with me?

If this helps you in any way and you think it could help someone else, please share it. Thank you for helping me reach further.

I appreciate you guys!

Art

Three Tools That Have Helped Me In Reaching My Goals.

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Many want their lives to change for the better, but they don’t know how to move forward. Their future may look murky and undefined. Because of this, many NEVER take even the first step toward making their goals come true. Templates, workflow & scheduling help to create predictable results, streamline the processes & keep things on track.

If you are like me, you have big dreams. Sometimes I get frustrated with myself in the pursuit of my dreams because I seem to be easily distracted. I absolutely do not like suddenly realizing that I have wasted time on trivial things and without realizing it, have traded what I want most for something that doesn’t really matter to me. That’s why I’ve been talking about goals & reaching for what you really want. The things I’m sharing today are things that since I’ve found out about them, they have helped me to reach further and get more done. Today I want to share with you how templates, workflow & scheduling have really helped me get important stuff done. I want to share them so you can get the same traction in the things you want to get done.

So, are you ready to dig in? Let’s start with templates first.

A template is a pattern or a gauge, used as a guide to make something accurately. Templates are used in woodworking and are often referred to as “Jigs”. They are also used in Foundry work and are called “Patterns”. Foundry patterns are usually made of wood and sand molds are made with them.

When faux painting & texturing walls became popular back in the 1990’s, my wife bought several thin plastic templates. They had various shapes cut out of them. They allowed her to paint specific patterns on the wall. In some cases she would use these to create a complete border around the top of the wall. They worked out very well and they gave her predictable results.

Today, very often I will use a template to begin the construction of a blog post. In the case of the blog post, I think of it kind of like a skeleton. It gives the post the general form or shape. When I write, I first create the outline. I then just “flesh out” the skeleton. This helps me to create a post that is coherent and doesn’t seem like a bunch of rambling thoughts. This works a lot like the anatomy of a speech with a headline or title, a lead paragraph, a transitional sentence & so on.

Workflow on the other hand, is a sequence of actions used to actually create the work. Workflow is the part that you can optimize, document, master and once all that is done, you can delegate.

Every morning I go to the gym. I usually do a cardio workout for about 30 to 35 minutes with a 10 minute cool down. I shower at the gym and go straight to work from there. Because I actually get ready for work at the gym, I have to prepare myself for success in advance. Trust me, finding out too late that you forgot your socks can be a morning spoiler. How do I avoid that?

My workflow starts the minute I get home the day before. The first thing I do is get my workout close from that morning into the laundry. I then pack my lunch for the following day. Next I get my workout clothes & shoes for the following morning ready and set them in the bathroom. Then comes the packing of my gym bag with the clothes & shoes I will wear to work the next day. I take a minute at this point to get dressed in my head. This helps me to keep from forgetting things like a belt, my wallet, (or my socks). I then put my packed gym bag by the front door. By running through this daily workflow, I have made it so that I go from being awakened to going out the front door in 10 minutes and I do not forget anything. I have optimized the process. The rest happens at the gym.  If for some reason, I didn’t have time to do this for myself, I could document this, train someone else to do it and delegate it to them. This is how workflow works.

The schedule for me has been a real difference maker. It has helped me to capture and efficiently use my time. Time may be the most valuable thing we all have. It’s also a non-renewable resource. In order to be effective, we need to bring order to our time by creating a schedule. I use my calendar to make sure important things get done. That includes time to write. Michael Hyatt says it this way. “You’ve got to be able to make appointments with yourself, then keep those commitments.” This is hard sometimes because there are bucket loads of urgent but trivial things also fighting for your attention. Having a well planned schedule will help keep you focused on your goal, and keep you on track.

I wanted to share with you how templates, workflow & scheduling have helped me get important stuff done. I want to share them with you to help you get the same traction in the things you want to get done. Through using templates you can get repeatable results. Through workflow you can streamline process and maybe even delegate them. Through scheduling you can stay organized and continually remind yourself of what’s important.

Even using one of these tips can save a lot of time but imagine if you could get all three going? So here’s my challenge for you in the coming year. Spend some real time putting these to work for you. By using these things in your approach, you really can reach your goals. I can’t wait to see your results.

Share with me one area you plan to tackle in your 2016 goal setting by leaving a comment. I’ll be gutsy & go first. Check the comments for mine & then join the conversation.

Art

The Secret Sauce to Getting What You Really Want.

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Goal Setting – Why?  Why does this matter to people? Because through goal setting, people can make their dreams come true.

When I was in Junior High School, we had an executive from John Deere Harvester Works named Robert Anderson come into our class & talk to us about career choices & opportunities. One of the ideas Mr. Anderson tried to convey to us was to look at what we wanted in life and then try to determine what needed to occur in order for that desire to become a reality. The hypothetical example he used was that as we were going home from school, we might pass a nice, large, white house on a quiet road. If we liked the house, we should ask ourselves “What needs to occur in order for me to be able to one day buy a house like that?” In his way, he was trying to teach us about goal setting.

Any Road Social card

I think it’s worth pointing out that there is the potential for two lines of thought when we talk about this. When Mr. Anderson spoke to us about what needed to occur, some heard what I need to do, while others heard what needs to happen. The difference between these two statements is huge. While one sees personal responsibility to carry out the vision, the other puts everything over in the arena of “if things work out” or “If those are the cards I’m dealt”. I say this because when I was in this class, I was part of the second line of thought. I didn’t see that I had any power at all to change whether or not the right opportunities came my way. In my mind, the power was always in the hands of someone else. I had to basically live within my reach and accept what ever drifted into my life. The big white house would be mine if life’s currents decided to cause it to drift into my life all by itself.

Why should goal setting matter to you?

If you’re like I was, then you are exactly the person I am writing to help. When I was a young man, I didn’t know enough about this. As I look back from where I am now, I wish I has someone to dive deep into this kind of stuff & help me understand it better and to help me see my own potential.

“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.” is a quote that actually is a paraphrase of dialog between Alice & the Cheshire Cat in the original Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll. While it does not appear in the original work, it’s actually a pretty solid statement. If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.

Goal setting is really about making big decisions that will guide most of your small decisions. In his book Born To Win, Zig Ziglar says that every one of us has unique gifts that give us the power and the opportunity to accomplish great things. When people ask “Well, then why doesn’t everyone achieve greatness?” Zig’s reply is simple. Not everyone wants to be great. And many that want to be great are not willing to do the work, planning & preparing that it will take to make it possible.

So, what is the difference maker?

Desire!

There are several words in the original text of the Bible that translate into the word desire. In 1st Timothy we see Paul instructing Timothy concerning people in the church who desire the office of a Bishop. 1 Timothy 3:1 This is a true saying, If a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work. The word desire here is the Greek word Oregomai. It means to stretch or to reach out after and long for. Another word translated desire in the Bible is found in the letter Peter wrote instructing the church. 1 Peter 2:2 As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby: The word desire here is the Greek word Epipotheo. It means to intensely crave possession. To long after.

Not everyone wants to be great. And many that want to be great are not willing to do the work, planning & preparing that it will take to make it possible.  -Zig Ziglar

So you can see how desire comes into play when we are setting & reaching goals. The truth is that when you desire something, you automatically begin to move toward it. When my desire for something is strong, I begin thinking on it almost continually. I day dream about it. I begin envisioning the possibilities. This very thing happened for me with this blog. As the idea began to form in me to create this, I began to day dream about what it would do in the lives of the readers. I began to picture specific young men that I wanted to read it, and I began to picture what I wanted it all to look like. I’m still doing this. When I write, I’m often imagining myself when I was twenty and the struggles I was facing. This helps keep me connected with my Why. When I stay connected to that, my desire gets engaged and I get motivated.

The setting and pursuit of an important goal brings us a sense of purpose. The accomplishing of that important goal brings a sense of fulfillment. I like to think of goals as the blocks I use to build my life.

I want to encourage you to take some time and think about what is important to you. What could you do different in 2016 to bring more purpose and fulfillment into your life? What are some things that you really want to do but can’t seem to find the time to go after?

Next week I want to talk specifically about how. How to set goals so that you can reach them. Maybe there’s an important goal you failed at and so you’ve given up. It’s not too late. I would ask you to take some time this week and write down some short and long term goals.

I would love to hear from you. Leave a comment and tell us one goal you have for yourself in 2016.

Here Are Three Specific Attributes Of A Good Man.

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Last week I wrote about building a good man and the personal responsibility each of us has to become the best Us we can be. I want to expound on that a little bit this week because while we need to understand our roll in becoming who we are, often many of us don’t know how. We don’t know where to start.

Suit & tie

Photo courtesy of StockSnap.IO

I was reading an article recently entitled “10 things to teach your son about being a man”. The article was good and I enjoyed it. It focused on things like being a gentleman, holding the door, walking on the street side of the sidewalk & stuff like that. While I was thinking about the article, it occurred to me that many men DO NOT have a dad around to teach them these things. Many of the ones who are fortunate enough to have their dads around may not be hearing it either because their dads don’t think its important to pass on. I didn’t have a dad around to instruct me on “all things men”. As I think about it now, one of the only things I remember hearing from my dad about being a man was “grown men don’t hug”. As I look back over my life though, God gave me plenty of good examples to follow. He put men around me that helped me immeasurably. And thankfully, He gave me a listening ear.

While I agree with the things in the article I read about being a gentleman, I think there are more weighty issues that young men need to know about while becoming good men. I believe you can become a man just by growing up, but that doesn’t mean you are worth anything. The goal should be to become a good man, a mature man and a godly man. And just exactly what constitutes a Good Man? Because I believe the Bible, and the Bible says that Jesus is perfect. I think we need to look at His example to truly know what a good man is. Hebrews 5 says this about Him.

“Heb 5:8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered; Heb 5:9 And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him;”

The word “Perfect” used here in the Greek means complete, accomplished, finished fulfilled, perfect & fully mature. This is the absolute picture of Jesus. Ephesians 4:13-16 says that we as godly men, are to grow unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.

So what does that mean for us as we move toward being the best men we can be?

Growing up means maturity. This is hard sometimes. We (that is, our flesh and our un-renewed mind) don’t always want to be mature. Sometimes all we want to do is “flesh out” and throw a fit. The Bible calls this being “Carnal”. Carnal comes from the root word that means “meat”. To be carnally minded just means that you’re spending all your time paying attention to the flesh. A mature person will not do this though. So what does it mean to be a good man?

No Strife

It means no more strife. While this verse is talking specifically about strife & unity in the Body of Christ, it is important to understand that a mature man will not tend toward strife. Strife is defined as bitter disagreement over fundamental issues – conflict. It’s a true sign of growth and maturity when you as a man demonstrate that you are the master of your emotions, attitude and anger. Good men are men of peace.

No FlakinessIt means no more flakiness. We are not to allow ourselves to be victims of the deceitfulness and manipulation in our beliefs or in our life. Even while we are not to be victims of such things, we are also not supposed to engage in them.  We are not to be deceitful and the manipulators of others.  Scripture says in Eph 4:14 that “Speaking the truth in love we will grow up in Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ”. Good men are stable men

No SelfishnessIt means no more selfishness. According to Ephesians 4:16, the man of God will be working to increase the effectiveness of others. A good man will not have a “Me First” mentality. He will be looking for opportunities to assist others in doing good and helping to facilitate their success as well as his own. Good men are helpful men.

I want to write more on specific issues in future posts and give more specific actionable steps. But today I want to ask you a question. Think about the good men you’ve know in your life. Were these things in their life too? I would encourage you this week to act on these for yourself. I would love for you to share how you plan to step into them. Leave a comment and share your three things.

A Good Man. How to Become One.

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You decide what kind of man you are going to be. When the ink dries on the story of your life, it is going to reveal that you were the one behind the wheel. You were the one making all the choices and determining the direction in your life. The important thing for you to realize while your story is still being written, is that the tools are in your hands to build yourself into the man you should be. You’re going to have to be intentional about your life though. You must decide for yourself what you will allow and what you will deny to exist inside of you. These choices are yours alone. As Jesus said – A good man, out of the good treasure of the heart, brings forth good things; an evil man out of the evil treasure in his heart will bring forth evil things. It therefore becomes very important for us to examine what we’re allowing to get inside us.

When I was in what was then called Jr. High School, a new kid started mid year. I realized that he was walking home the same way I did, so we began to talk and I found out that he lived less than a block away from me. As I began to spend more time with him, I learned that he was one of five kids. His family had four boys and a sister who was the eldest. I didn’t see his mom very often because she was always working, but I did see his dad all the time because he wasn’t. As I think back on it, all the years I knew my friend, his dad never worked. He just smoked cigarettes, drank beer & watched TV. My friend and his brothers didn’t have a very good example of how to be a man…and it showed. While it could be said that they were not the best boys, it could be said that none of us were the best boys. We were all ornery and sometimes it seemed like we were the poster children for really bad ideas.

Shaping pottery

Around the same time, I had another friend that I hung around with. His dad was an executive in a large manufacturing company and his mom was a home-maker. They lived in a pretty nice house and he had all of the things that he needed to be comfortable. As I think about it now, his parents really cared about him and it seemed that they did a lot for him. He was the middle child and the youngest of two sons. This kid was the crowned prince of trouble though. He was constantly rebelling and doing his absolute best to ruin his own future. The thing is, as far as I could tell, he had a great example in his dad. His dad got up everyday and took care of business. I looked up to his dad and respected him.

Years later when I was in Bible School, one of my instructors said that it didn’t matter if you came from a broken home, or if your dad had abandon you, if you fully trust God to make up the difference, you will not be deficient. The second he finished that statement, the young man next to me spun around in his desk, looked right at me and declared, I want to say it again, he declared it to me. “I am not deficient!”. I believe this was a defining moment in this young man’s life. Hearing what the instructor said really ministered to his heart and it was apparent that most of his life, he lived with the believe that because his dad had left him, he was in fact deficient. I immediately identified with him because for years and years I too felt deficient. I felt like I was disadvantaged and because of my station, I was less than everyone else.

There are so many things that are directly affected by an absentee father. There are so many dysfunctions that usually arise in the lives of children who’s fathers have kicked them to the curb. As they grow up, many will use this as their primary excuse to act pitiful and not try to better themselves.

Truth Bomb Dead Ahead!

I DO NOT BELIEVE that failure in life can be completely blamed on a poor or absentee father. There is more at work here than the example your dad gave you, and I am living proof that you don’t have to be deficient. You don’t have to stay down. The quality of a man can not be fully attributed to whether or not he has a good, bad, present or missing father.

The longer I live, the more I’m convinced that the truly healthy family is the exception and not the rule. There’s drama and weirdness in every family. In some cases, people are just downright bizarre. If this were a good excuse to live a pathetic life, most of us could use it. But it’s not. So many people have allowed situation, station and circumstance to define who they are. I have seen young men time and again blaming dad, mom, girlfriend, company, economy, government for their unhappy life. They see themselves being held down and just not being able to land a break.

“Take a good look at where you are. If you don’t like where you are and want things to change, you are going to have to do something different.”

Others have refused to be held back. They did not allow circumstances, station or an absentee father to define them. They reserved the right to choose their path for themselves. You can think like this too. I know because I used to think like a victim. Everything was beyond my control. I just had to play the cards I was dealt. One day I looked back at all of the “breaks” people had given me that I didn’t value. Time and time again, people would do little things to help me out. Things like setting up an interview or hiring me for temporary work. I was ashamed when I realized that I was to blame for not valuing the things people were doing to help me. This is when I changed my mind and took responsibility for myself. I began to realize that God had created me on purpose and for a purpose. He has great things in store for me.

Yes, your dad may have kicked you to the curb. Yes, it may have left a world class hole in your heart. Yes, it may have taken away some of the things that would have otherwise made things easier.

Truth Bomb Dead Ahead!

It doesn’t have to define you. It doesn’t have to limit you.

You decide what kind of man you are going to be. I encourage you today to step out from behind all of the reasons you’ve been hiding behind, that have held you back. Decide today to put away victim thinking and take responsibility for your future.

Take a good look at where you. If you don’t like where you are and want things to change, you are going to have to do something different. There’s a saying attributed to Albert Einstein that says “Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

Jesus is the perfect man. To find a perfect example of how we should be, we need to just look at His example. In Ephesians 4:13 we see God’s plan for us. “Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ:”

God’s plan for each of us is to first of all, submit ourselves to the Lordship of Jesus, and then to grow up on Him. We are to grow and mature until we take on the very measure, stature and fullness of Him. Verse 15 says of us, “But speaking the truth in Love, may grow up in Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.

Ephesians 2:10 says that each of us has a part, a function, a calling, a divinely ordained purpose and place.

You decide what kind of man you’re going to be.

Be a good one.

Start today!

You might be more connected than you think!

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I recently heard a prominent minister tell a story about his daughter. He said that when she was five, she came up to the ministry office and she was running down the hall to see her dad. When someone stopped her and scolded her for running in the executive hallway at the ministry, her response was “Don’t you know who I am?” and then she turned and kept on running down the hall. The point was that when you’re born into the family, you have privilege that others don’t have. He said that even when he didn’t live at home anymore, he would still have the right to go over into his dad’s garage & borrow a tool.  The minister used these illustrations to demonstrate where we stand with God if we have made Jesus our Lord and are God’s children.

I was 10 years old when my parents divorced. I was the oldest boy in my family and with my dad being out of the picture, one of the things that became evident was that I was now responsible for fixing my mom’s exhaust pipe on her car. While my dad was very mechanically inclined, I didn’t have a lot of experience with cars or tools. As a matter of fact, I had very few tools and one of the main tools I had was a fence tool.

A fence tool is a tool that combines pliers, a flat head screw driver, a hammer, a hatchet and a sort of open end wrench. With very few exceptions, this was all I had to work with. I could work virtual wonders with an empty tin can, a couple of wire coat hangers & that fence tool. As you can guess, my solutions were temporary but I gave it my pre-teen best.

Multitool fence tool

Fence Tool

A year or so later, we were at my aunt & uncle’s house for Christmas and my uncle gave me a socket set. He didn’t buy it for me, he actually bought it for his brother but his brother was unable to make. I always wondered why he didn’t just send it to his brother. Anyway, he gave me my first socket set. I don’t know if any of the sockets survived but I do know that I still have the ratchet and I still use it.

A few years later, when I was about 17, another uncle took me out to his garage, he got an old tool box that he wasn’t using and then proceeded to build me a tool collection with all of the tools that he had duplicates of. I walked away that day with a better than average set of tools. I still have and use most of them today.

If I look at my life based on my broken home, or my absentee dad, it doesn’t look like I had anything working for me. For years I used this as my excuse for not getting anywhere in life. After all, I didn’t have access to the garage with the tools, the house, the family or the man. Even if I knew where it was, I was not allowed in. I didn’t have so much that I thought I should have had, and because of that I spent years feeling sorry for myself. I soaked in self pity because I was disadvantaged and didn’t have so many of the opportunities that others had. Poor me.

It took me a long time to realize that God did not leave me without help. Not only did He give me good examples to follow, but He also provided the tools I needed to get by. He put men in my life who had compassion on me and who taught me so many things. Those experiences working on my mom’s exhaust taught me that I could do a lot with a little. They also taught me how to improvise.

I began to understand a very profound truth that changed my life forever. It’s found in Rom 8:31. It says “What, then, can we say about all of this? If God is for us, who can be against us?” When I began to understand this truth, I began to understand that, even though I don’t know anybody, and even though I am not born into money, I am not disadvantaged. God IS for me. He wants the best for me. He’s working behind the scenes all the time to cause all things to work out for my good because I love Him and have submitted to His call and purpose. All I need is faith in God! Faith in God is enough.

The Bible says that God is no respecter of persons. This means that if He did it for me, He will do it for you. If you turn to Him and allow Him to be big in your life, you will not be disadvantaged either. He will get into your situations and begin working behind the scenes to cause the best possible outcome. Remember, Nothing is impossible with God and all things are possible to them who believe. (Matt 19:26, Mark 10:27, Luke 1:37 & Mark 9:23)

That fence tool is long gone, but if I had it now, I’d probably display it in a shadow box on my wall to remind me of where I’ve been and to be thankful that I’m not where I used to be. I have to admit though, I would probably take it out from time to time and throw it at a tree. The 12 year old me used to do that too.

You Can Make A Difference. Will You?

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Recently I was watching a TED talk with Tony Robbins. Tony pointed out in his talk that many people who have parents who gave them the best of everything and made sure they had all the right tools to succeed will many times end up not being anything but ordinary and in spite of the advantages that they have, they never really make exceptional positive contributions to society.  By contrast, when people have a significant struggle, when they come up in adversity and in some cases, terrible tragedy, these people will many times go on to make remarkable positive contributions to society.

Old style mic resized

To make a difference in someone’s life, you do not have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful or perfect.  You just have to care.  – Mandy Hale

We all have struggles of some kind.  We live in a world full of sin and selfishness.  None of us are without scars. Many of us are still in the thick of the fight but some have made it through and that’s one of the two important things about the struggle.

  • First – Don’t stop moving forward.
    It’s very, VERY easy to stop, plop down and start feeling sorry for yourself.  I get it, it hurts.  You many not have done anything to deserve this and if you didn’t, then you shouldn’t be suffering like this. But if we get caught up in paying attention to the injustice of it, we will have a tendency to lose forward momentum.  I am honestly surprised sometimes by the unwillingness of some to move forward.  They never want to let go and leave the suffering and the hurt.  They instead want to wear it like a sweater and constantly talk about it.  The important thing to them is that everyone can see how wronged they were, how unjust it was, and how much pity they deserve. This is really sad.  This important thing when you’re hurt or offended is to keep your eye on the exit sign and keep moving toward it.  The true exit is forgiveness.  Why is it so important to God that we forgive?  The Bible says in James 3:16 “For wherever jealousy and rivalry exist, there is disorder and every kind of evil”.  Every kind of evil is the manifest presence of the devil. When we open ourselves to strife, he’s there – doing what he does; stealing, killing and destroying (John 10:10).  It means that you are yielding to your enemy.  It also means that if you continue, things will only get worse.  The way out is forgiveness.   It’s only through forgiveness that you can move on to the second important thing.

    “The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”  ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

  • Second – Use it to make a difference.
    It’s only when we overcome these painful experiences that we truly become qualified to help others who are also going through the same suffering.  When you’ve made it through the wind, the fire, the mud and the blood and you’re still standing, you inspire others.  When you’ve made it and are better for it, you can speak with credibility.  When you are unafraid to reveal your scars, you will more easily find trust in those with the same scars.  Your message of hope will resonate in them when you talk about your journey and how you have made it through.

I would ask you to look at your life and the struggles you have faced.  Do you know anyone else who’s facing anything like that?  I want to encourage you to reach out.  Not everyone will want help, some just want to stew in their sorrow.  Others though, will hear you and you can help them.

This week – purpose in your heart that you will make a difference.

“Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire.”  ― Catherine of Siena

If This helps you and you think it can help someone else, please consider sharing.  Also, please join the conversation by leaving a comment.

Kicking Discouragement To The Curb.

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Some people don’t like you. I hope this newsflash didn’t just make you fall out of your chair, shocked with disbelief and unable to function. It however, is a very real fact, much like realizing that Santa Clause and the Easter Bunny aren’t real. Umm… Hopefully I didn’t just mess up your reality.

Kick discouragement to the curb

You are probably awesome in every way, multiplied by ten with a slice of pie on the side, but you are still not going to be everyone’s taste. There are people who don’t know you and have never had a conversation with you who do not like you and are not going to give you a chance. Then there are the people who do know you and still don’t like you. In spite of your stupendous & sparkling personality, some just won’t…and that’s okay.

“One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses.” ― Dale Carnegie

We all want to be liked…..by everyone. We don’t like being disliked. We sometimes get caught up playing this game of reading, interpreting and responding to the words & actions of others and constantly modify our behavior to either be viewed in a favorable light or at least avoid being judged. In reality, very few people are paying that much attention to us anyway. As Michael Hyatt likes to say, most people are tuned in to WWIFM. What’s In It For Me.

In reality, we have quite a bit of control over what others think of us. M. Farouk Radwan wrote “Before you encounter strangers, authority figures or important people don’t tell yourself “now I will know how they see me” but instead tell yourself “let me tell them who I am”.

I met someone a while back that I was really looking forward to meeting. I had heard good things about them and I liked them even before I met them. They did not respond to me the way I thought they would though. They started off and remained distant and cool. I poured on the charm, convinced that If they knew me better, surely they would like me. Nothing changed and eventually, I had to make a choice. Continue to change my behavior to please them in an effort to try to win them over, or push them to the sidelines in my life and continue to move forward doing what I know to do.

“Critic’s math. (1 insult + 1,000 compliments = 1 insult.)”.  -Jon Acuff

Do you know people who seem to always be seeking the approval of others? Constantly changing their behavior and laboring to be accepted. Being disliked creates anxiety in these people and provokes them to make choices, even choices they know are wrong, just to fit into the crowd. Scientific research has shown that fear of being judged has caused some people to intentionally choose the incorrect answer, knowing that it was incorrect, because everyone else did.

I am a Bible believing Christian, as I know many of my readers are. Making a stand for Christ has put us in line for persecution because of what we believe. Persecution is one of the things Jesus said we would have as long as we’re here. It’s the one promise that no believer really wants to receive. None the less, it’s so. I believe the Bible is God speaking to me. I believe the bible so strongly that I have made it the final authority in my life. Because of that, I study it and seek the Holy Spirit’s help to understand the heart of the Father more and more. My Christianity is not about a religious exercise. It’s about a relationship with God. I want to please him in all I think, say & do. Because of this, when it comes to my God, I have already “Picked my fight” so to speak. I have made my stand and I am fully committed to Him. Some may think I’m foolish or uninformed but that’s okay. I have already considered their words and have pushed them to the sidelines that I might continue to move forward and live by the convictions that He has put in my heart. Paul, the apostle said it this way :

Php 3:8 Yes truly, and I am ready to give up all things for the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, which is more than all: for whom I have undergone the loss of all things, and to me they are less than nothing, so that I may have Christ as my reward, (BBE)

The reasons why people don’t like you, criticize you or harass you will vary. In some cases they are probably just being inconsiderate . Others may be intentionally trying to discourage you and shut you down. That was the case with the unbelieving Jews that paid their own way & followed Paul around persecuting him. They were trying to shut him up. Some even swore an oath that they wouldn’t eat until they killed him. That is outright devilish hatred.

“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.”  ―Winston S. Churchill

You may have people out there who are not trying to add creative criticism to your life at all. They are actively trying to discourage you and to get you to disconnect from your focus. You have to push these critical voices to the sidelines. If certain people are only discouraging to you, then you will have to marginalize them in order to move forward. Don’t hate them or start running them down, gossiping about them or hating them back. Rather, pray for them. And rather than letting their harsh words take the wind out of your sails, just push them to the side. Make a decision that you will not allow them to discourage you and if possible, take steps to stop hearing their voices.

The stronger the stand you make for anything, the greater the opposition will be. People are allowed to have a dissenting opinion. In the Unites States they even have the right to free speech. But they don’t have the right to be heard. You do not have to listen. Just keep living consistent with your values and keep on stepping. One of the five regrets of the dying is the regret of not being more true to one’s self – (Ms. Bronnie Ware – The Next Web).   Living true to your convictions is too important to trade for the fickle approval of people who don’t really care about you.

“You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.”                      ― Winston S. Churchill

In his ebook “The Hater’s Handbook” Jon Acuff says it like this: Critic’s math. (Which is “1 insult + 1,000 compliments = 1 insult.”). Too many times we center in on the critical dissenting voice and ignore all of the wonderful people encouraging and cheering us on. Let’s you and I made a decision this week to marginalize the negative and discouraging voices and instead, focus on the ones who are encouraging us and helping us stay connected with our mission and purpose.

How have you dealt with and overcome criticism? Please join the conversation & leave a comment.

Undermining Your Own Credibility

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We’ve all done it.  Limited ourselves by our words.  Today I share insight in the video below on how word choice can cost you in influence.

 

I would love to hear what you think about this.  Have you ever noticed where someone was destroying their own credibility?  Please join the conversation and leave a comment.  If this is helpful to you and you think it can help someone else, please consider sharing.