Category Archives: Honor

The Priority of Fatherhood.

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This week I was planning to make a video post and I set out Monday night to shoot it.  When I was done it was 24 minutes long.  Too long for a video blog post.  It’s funny how there are times when you really have to mine your heart for things to say and then there are times when you strike a live wire and the content just gushes out of you.  Monday night was like that one.  Anyway, I am in the process of editing it down into 4 or 5 video posts, and because of the time that the editing process takes (when you barely know what you’re doing), we will NOT be posting that video this week.  We’ll just wait & see how the editing goes.

Billy Graham quote on brown background

One of the joys of my life is talking with my daughters.  I absolutely love it when awesome conversations spontaneously break out and the next thing we know, an hour has gone by and we didn’t even miss it.  In times like these we sometimes talk about friends & boyfriends, while other times we talk about things like integrity, honor, humility & honesty.  Sometimes the conversation is about both, like people they know who have messed up lives because of the choices they’ve made.  One time I was talking to my eldest daughter & we were having one of those conversations.  I made a comment about what a particular friend should have done to avoid the fall-out from a bad decision. My daughter looked up at me and said “yeah, but they don’t have YOU for a dad”.  Her implication was that if I were this person’s dad, they probably wouldn’t have made the poor choice.  While it pleased me that my daughter said that, it also caused me to think.

My children have never had to face many of the struggles and suffering that I have faced, and that some of their friends are currently facing. I know that at least in part, it’s because they have parents who make them a priority and have made it a point to teach them Godly principles from an early age.  As I looked back over my life as a son and as a father, I began to see that, as a boy, the thing that mattered most to me about my parents was that I wanted them to be there.  As a father, one of my highest priorities is that I want to be there when my girls need me.  I want to be there even if they don’t need me.  I just like being around them.  Even if it’s just to talk about the drama at their workplace or what’s going on with their friends.  I need to be there for them.  They need me to be there.

What will they need from me tomorrow?  I don’t know.  We’ll see what tomorrow brings and I’ll do my absolute best to help them navigate it.  I told my daughter one time, “Don’t ever run from me.  When all the dust settles and everyone else has left you high and dry, I will be the one behind you helping you dig out of this hole”.  I can’t do that if I’m not there.  Fathers, If you don’t live with your kids, I’m not trying to condemn you, but while your kids need you to support them financially, what they need more than that is for you to be a strong part of their life for good.  So what’s the priority of Fatherhood?  Be there. Even if you don’t live with them, be a big positive part of their life. Even when they’ve grown up, make sure they know that you’re still there and still on their side.

God the Father demonstrates His own commitment toward us as our Heavenly Father in Deuteronomy 4:31, 31:6 and in Hebrews 13:5 when He says “I will never leave you, nor forsake you”.  That leaves us with a strong example of what fatherhood should look like, and it gives us a strong consolation that He will never leave us twisting in the wind.  We will never be out of his reach!  Wow! Thank you Father!

I challenge you to take it to the next level this week.  Make special effort to be with your children and do something memorable.  Intentionally teach them something that will help them down the road.

What are some things that you have done, or places you have gone, to have quality time with your kids?  Please share by leaving a comment.

An Intentional Marriage. Part 2

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Several years ago I was talking to a co-worker and our conversation turned to marriage and the role of the spouses. He told me how his mom would go outside on cold winter mornings and start his dad’s car. I gave him a weird look because I always assumed that a loving husband would do that for himself and not subject his wife to the sometimes sub-zero temperatures of the upper mid-west. He looked at me and said in a matter of fact way “She’s his help meet”. I couldn’t help but think that to him and his family, “Help meet” meant servant, or at least someone of lesser standing.

“Help meet” as used in his sentence above comes from a misinterpretation of what God said in Genesis 2:18 & 20. The King James Version says this:

Gen 2:18 And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.

Gen 2:19 And out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air; and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them: and whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof.

Gen 2:20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.

The scripture goes on to describe how God put Adam into a deep sleep and removed one of his ribs and created the woman.

A clear understanding of the words help meet will really help us to understand our correct place in our marriage and will also help us more clearly understand the role we have as husband and wife.

  • Help. When used in Genesis, the direct translation is “Aid”. God said let us make him an aid. Do you know powerful truth we can glean from this little nugget? Men need help. God knows it, the angels know it, men, you need to come to terms with it. You need help. It also becomes apparent that the help that man needed was not physical strength. There were plenty of beasts that could do the heavy lifting. This was not what man needed. This was not enough.
  • Meet. Several words in both the Old and New Testament are translated into the word meet. We don’t use this word in this way anymore. Keep in mind that the King James Bible was translated back in 1611.
    Many of the word used in the Hebrew, Greek & Chaldean translate into similar definitions but the meaning would change slightly depending on the context of the passage. Here and in other places where Meet was used similarly, the definitions are: “Well placed, appropriate, fit, qualified, suitable, competent, ample, able, enough, sufficient, worthy”.

Many years ago I heard a prominent minister say that the most rudimentary definition he could come up with of the word Meet was “Of the same kind”. I think that’s a good understanding. When all of the other living things on planet earth were created, there was not found a help meet (suitable, sufficient, of the same kind) for him. Therefore we understand that the woman was there to help him in a way that the other living things couldn’t.

Imagine how Adam reacted when he finally woke up from his deep sleep and met her for the first time. The Bible recounts what he said :

Gen 2:23 And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.

Gen 2:24 Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Gen 2:25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

When I hear this read, I sort of hear it like he was mono toned and he was saying it like it was not a very big deal. Kind of like reading the phone book. Imagine these verses being spoken in Ben Stein’s voice. I don’t think that’s how this played out at all though. When I study the words used here and see the intent behind what was being said, it gives me a better perspective not only of what Adam said but also how he said it. Keep in mind, these are Adam’s words, not Gods. Adam was the one defining the marriage here. He said “This is NOW. The word Now means “a stroke” and is illustrated in Strong’s definition as a hammer striking an anvil. Now! (imagine him pounding his hand when he said it) She and I have the very same bone. She and I have the very same flesh because she was taken out of me. Because of that, a man will loosen his grip, relinquish and forsake the sense of self and identity he has with his father, mother and the bond of family, and shall follow hard after, overtake, walk together, abide together, be joined together, adhere to one another, cling and stick to his woman and they two shall be united, alike, alone, together, in flesh, body, skin, nakedness and be one”. I can hear great excitement in his voice as he says this. Adam is totally stoked about this new help that God has made of the same kind – suitable, enough, sufficient.

Man, your wife can be the difference maker in your life, but she should not be treated like a servant. The Bible says that you are to give her honor because you are physically stronger than her, and to be heirs together in the grace of life. If you will do this, your prayers will not be hindered, but if you don’t, you can expect trouble getting your prayers answered. (1 Pet 3:7). That is how important it is to God that you treat your wife with honor and respect.

1Pe 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

Take some time this week and have a serious look at how you see your wife or girlfriend. Pledge to see things honestly and if you are not where you should be, pledge to take steps in the right direction this week. Being a man of excellence is not out of your reach. God wants you to be and He will also help you to become. Ask Him to show you where you’re missing it and then when He does, be quick to change. You both will be blessed.

hands to sky

Men, what are some ways that you can express honor to your wife this week? How can you take it up a notch? I would love to hear your thoughts. Maybe you can help another reader. Please join the conversation by leaving a comment. Also, If you think this can help someone else, please share it.

This Is What I would Tell Myself If I Could Go Back In Time!

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hand in handWhen I look back at my days as a young man, I realize that I didn’t know jack. The sad part was that I had wonderful people in my life who knew a lot. The problem was that I wasn’t teachable. I was a hard headed young man who was too concerned with showing people what I knew. Because of that, I had little concern with and didn’t see the value in truly being teachable.

Being teachable is really just a matter of being humble. Most people cringe at the sound of that word. Many equate being humble with being poor or being weak. The truth is that walking in true humility takes real strength and maturity. Traits that are rarely found in young men. I like the way Rev. Keith Moore defines it. He says “Humility is reality”. So I say, How many breaths can you really take credit for? How many heartbeats did you give yourself? The truth is that none of us are self made and if it were not for the grace and mercy of God, and the favor we have with others, many of us would not have made it this far. To know that is reality. To live with this understanding is humility. The humble person is pliable and teachable because they recognize and acknowledge the truth about themselves; that they don’t know everything.

 

The opposite is pride. Pride is having an unrealistic view of yourself. Pride is not reality. It’s being deceived that you are more than you really are. We all deal with it. Have you ever had someone do or say something and you just “stiffened”. I’ve heard it called several things, bowing your back, sticking your chest out, hardening your heart. It’s all the same. It’s all a lack of humility. It’s all a manifestation of pride. The Lord in referring to his people in the Old Testament sometimes referred to them as a stiff necked and hard hearted people. This condition blinds us into thinking that those around us don’t know as much as we do, they are not experts like we are and therefore we shouldn’t have to stoop to hear their input.

“If you are not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are automatically engaged in becoming the person you don’t want to be. ”
― Dale Carnegie

The owner of my company has repeatedly started and grown business after business into success and profitability. He said at a Christmas party a few years ago that his daughter asked him one day what he did. He had to think about it for a while but eventually defined himself as a Serial Entrepreneur. He was not bragging when he said that.  I don’t get many chances to be around him but when I am, I don’t do all the talking. I listen. He knows stuff I don’t know but want to know. When I’m around people like him, it’s not the time to start talking about how much I know and try to impress, it’s time to shut up and learn, glean, get some understanding. When I was young, I did the opposite. I would chatter constantly in an effort to impress. I seriously doubt that anyone was impressed.

If I could go back in time and give myself some advice, I would tell myself this. Walk in humility & become teachable. Become a learner. Everything changed for me when I learned the importance of true humility. It did three notable things:

  1. It opened up the flow of grace in my life. The Bible says in James 4:6 and in 1 Peter 5:5 that God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble. Grace is the gifts, equipping and power of God for you that was bought by the Blood of Jesus. These grace gifts enable us to walk out the will of God for our lives. Humility opens up the flow of grace but when we walk in pride, it actually causes God to resist us. Who needs that?!
  2. I began to get wisdom. I began to listen to those who knew more than me. This goes back to a previous post. I began to see that I didn’t need to take the beating for myself in order to learn the lessons. I could learn from the suffering of others with out having to bleed for myself.
  3. Humility and honor are constant companions. They travel together. When you humble yourself, GOD lifts you up! (Mat 23:12) When you humble yourself, HE exalts you.  He will cause you to have favor with those around you.

So what’s our next move?

This is a fight that we will all need to fight as long as we are on earth. No one “arrives” in the fight against pride. Lets take some time this week to really examine ourselves. Where do we stand with humility and being teachable? Do we think more highly of ourselves than we aught to think? (Rom 12:3). Ask God to show you where you’ve been missing it in this area. When He does, take steps to fix it. Remember, humbling yourself takes maturity and self control. Weak people don’t do it. The best way to deal with areas where you need to grow is to remind yourself of the price that Jesus paid for you and to realize that God wants to help you, but you have to humble yourself in order for His grace to flow.

Dear young man, there’s more to you than your penis!

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???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????Here are some phrases I keep hearing from young men in our modern culture. “Gonna hit that!”, “Gonna get wit that!”, or “Gonna nail it!”. While it’s not always men saying this stuff, it’s men that I’m thinking about when I’m writing this post. I’m a man and I believe I am qualified to speak to men in this area. The men who live like this have no honor. Notice how the phrases objectify the subject, usually a woman by reducing them to “That” or “It”. The kind of man that would use those phrases above would be a man who’s predominantly driven by conquest. He’s a predator. His goal is the score. He’s not looking beyond it. What he expects after his little victorious moment is for everything to go back to the way it was before the score. Go hang out with friends and maybe talk about the conquest. Get up. Live life. Nothing changed. Just a hit; just a score; just another notch. No real consequences, at least not for him. No honor. Of course the deception is that you can do the sin and not get the death. Death always rides with sin. As I was thinking on this I wrote down some characteristics of a guy like this. The dishonorable man.

  • His friends are probably not real friends. The friends that push you toward these things does not have your best interest at heart. Some may even try to shame you when your hunt is unsuccessful. These are not real friends. You can’t trust these guys to have your back in a time of trouble.
  • His life will be full of shallow relationships. He will not have many, if any, deep meaningful relationships because his priority will be the physical. He comes around usually for only one reason. He has a wandering eye and is always pursuing the next conquest.
  • He’s a man of no restraint. He may think he’s a tough guy but he’s not. Where it matters, he’s absolutely weak. Every time a temptation or an urge comes up, he caves under it’s weight. He doesn’t exercise any discipline over himself. He’s also prone to losing his temper. When it comes to his feelings and his urges, he just gives in.
  • He leaves blood & guts in his wake. Many, many, many times I’ve seen it where there are young mothers toughing it out on their own because some carnal boy in a man-suit doesn’t have the real honest strength to stand up and be a man. I’m not just talking about standing by your mistake. I’m talking about not making mistakes. Using wisdom. Not taking chances when you are not ready for the result. Let me just say that I believe with all of my heart that God’s grace is there for the single parent. I am convinced that the Holy Spirit is the difference maker and where He’s involved, a single parent family can come through lacking nothing. It’s just not the best way. It’s gonna be a rougher road.

By contrast, the man of honor looks a little different.

  • He is humble. According to Proverbs 22:4, Honor comes by humility and the fear of the Lord (KJV). An honorable man has an honest estimation of himself. He doesn’t think more highly of himself than he aught to think.
  • He follows after what is right. Provers 21:21 (KJV) He that follows righteousness and mercy finds life, righteousness and honor. A man of honor will do what’s right even if it costs him. A man of honor understands that there are things more important than money or being liked and accepted and he values justice and mercy.
  • He avoids strife. Proverbs 20:3 (BBE) It is an honor for a man to keep from fighting, but the foolish are ever at war. A man of honor isn’t out there trying to prove how tough he is.
  • He listens to instruction. Prov 13:18 (BBE) Need and shame will be the fate of him who is uncontrolled by training; but he who takes note of teaching will be honored. I can’t stress this enough. The problem with so many is that they can’t receive correction. It’s sad because many times you have to let them learn through “Hard Knocks University”. They have to take the beating for themselves. It’s foolish to think that we don’t need correction. If that were the case, we would be perfect. That is NOT the case though. When we know we’re not perfect, why do we resist instruction and correction?
  • He pursues wisdom. Prov 4:7-8 says to get wisdom with everything you have. Lift wisdom up and she will promote you. Embrace her and she will bring you honor. Wisdom, the skillful application of knowledge, should be a life-long pursuit. Wisdom sees down the road and makes adjustments for what is coming. A man of honor looks down the road to see the eventual end of his actions. This keeps him from getting girls pregnant. This keeps him out of jail. This keeps him from losing his job. A man of honor pursues wisdom. Wisdom for every area of his life. God has made wisdom available for you to know the next step. Wisdom to resist in areas where you keep falling. Wisdom to rebuild broken relationships. The wisdom is there and the man of honor will seek it out.

Are you in an affair with your problem…or are you in a covenant with your solution? Stir up the gift!  -(AJRK) From Coy Wade.

These are things that are close to my heart. I strive to be a man of honor everyday. It really is a better life. If you have been struggling with the stuff I’ve talked about here, there’s still hope. You can get there. The first thing is that you need a “Want to”. Nothing in your life changes until you are properly motivated to want it. Nothing. How do you make the change? Here are a few short steps to get you moving in the right direction.

  1. Ask for forgiveness. (Click here for more information).  Ask God and if there’s another person, ask them too.
  2. Humble yourself to ask for help. The bible says that God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6 & 1 Pet 5:5). Grace is the unearned power of God. He wants to give it to you. By humility you recognize that you need His help and then just ask. Jesus said “Ask, and you shall receive, that your joy may be full”.
  3. Trust Him. Believe that He’s on the case. Mark 11: 24.
  4. Let peace rule in your heart and be thankful that He’s helping you. Col 3:15.

If this post has helped you or you believe it could help someone else, please consider sharing. If you are reading this anywhere besides artmills.org, please head over there and leave a comment. I welcome your participation and discussion. While you’re there, check the place out. If you would like to receive the posts directly to your email, you can sign up for it there too. Have a blessed week.

Dad. Bug killer and so much more!

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Let’s talk about Arthropods for a minute.  Hold on, it will make sense in a minute.  I know, this is the weekend.  Why the organism classification lesson?  I’ll explain but first, here’s the definition.

Arthropod  [ ˈärTHrəˌpäd ]  noun: arthropod · plural noun: arthropods.   An invertebrate animal of the large phylum Arthropoda, such as an insect, spider, or crustacean.     Powered by OxfordDictionaries · © Oxford University Press.

Arthropod comes from the Greek and it literally means “joint-footed”.  It’s a phylum classification right under Kingdom in the seven levels of organism classification.  Pretty interesting right?  Why do I bring this up?  Because this phylum falls under the area of my boot.  These are all of the things that as a dad, it’s my job to kill.  I am the last line, nay, sometimes the only line of defense against the vile creepy crawly things that make the girls in my house shriek and climb on furniture.  Have mercy! If I’m not home when a “Bug Event” happens, I get to hear all about it when I do get home; every detail right down to a vivid description of the sound of the crunch.  Things have only gotten worse since we’ve moved to a state where the spiders grow big.  It doesn’t help much that we live out of town a little and there are fields, livestock and green areas nearby.  We don’t leave the porch light on too long because it will summon so many bugs that you will undoubtedly let several in with you when you come in the house.   These are things that I don’t mind though.  I’m dad.  Most of the time, I love being the place where the buck stops and I certainly don’t have a problem with my conscience while murdering Arthropods.

Shoe

One time, several years ago, our Boxer, his name was Hobbs, ate a dryer sheet or something like that.  We didn’t know about it until he went out to do his big business.  What ever it was that he ate didn’t have enough substance for his body to handle efficiently.  We looked out the back door to see our dog running around the yard with several inches of something hanging out of his nether regions. It didn’t seem to be bothering him a bit.  He wanted to come inside.  I don’t think so buddy!  After all the “Ew! Gross!” it became apparent that this was another job for the last line of defense.  Dad.  The bottom line.  The place where the buck stopped!  My first thought was, “Which pair of pliers are the cheapest and most disposable? And where are they?”  Needless to say, we got it taken care of and everyone laughs about it today.

When one has not had a good father, one must create one.
~ Friedrich Nietzsche

There are lots of icky, disgusting things that will happen in a family, with pets, children and maybe even both at the same time.  If dad is there, these things will very often be his job to deal with.  And while these are important, there are some far more important things that dad should be bringing to the table.

  1. Be an example of an honest man to your family.  I can’t stress this enough.  Your children need to know that you are telling them the truth.  They will not be able to trust you and have confidence in your word if you are in the habit of lying to them.  The reason we can trust our Heavenly Father is because His Word doesn’t break down.  He’s behind it making it come to pass.  Like God, we as fathers should be willing to do what ever it takes and to go to extraordinary lengths in order to make our word stand up.  A man and his word are inseparable.  Also, your children will model what you do more than what you say.  If you don’t want your children to be dishonest, you need to get dishonesty out of you.
  2. Be an example of integrity to your family.  The simplest definition of integrity is “Undivided” and “Whole”.  If a man has integrity, that means that he’s undivided.  He’s not moving in two directions.  He’s not a hypocrite.  He is not presenting himself one way but behind the scenes, he’s doing something else.  Integrity falls in close to honesty.  A father with integrity is an open book.
  3. Be an example of humility to your family.  I don’t think most people fully understand what humility is.  I think most people equate being humble with being weak.  This is not the truth.  True humility is being completely honest about yourself.  The bible cautions us not to think more highly of ourselves that we aught to think (Rom 12:3 KJV), but to think soberly (Greek – sophroneo = right mind).  Humility is to have a very real, undiluted understanding of who you really are, what you really can do, and what you are really responsible for.  The Bible doesn’t say that you can’t think highly of yourself, it says not to think more highly than you aught.  A man of humility will have an honest look at himself and discern what is “of himself” and what is “the grace of God”.  When we realize that our very next breath and heartbeat comes from God, we get perspective about how much of our life is only possible because of His grace & mercy.  This mindset is true humility.
  4. Be an example of submission and authority to your family.  Your family needs to see you submitting to a higher authority.  It may be how you relate and respond to your own parents, your pastor or your boss.  It helps your children have an understanding that things need to have an order, and just as you stand in submission in certain areas of your life, in others you stand in authority.  Your example in these areas will teach your children that both are necessary.  People who struggle in submitting to authority will be severely handicapped in life and work. They will be held back by their own stubbornness and arrogance.
  5. Be an example of a faithful man to your family.  Are you worthy to have others put faith in you?  A few years back I served in church with someone that would sometimes not show up.  I used to get a little frustrated because when I went to rely on them, it was a gamble as to whether they would be there or not.  They were unfaithful.  Unfaithfulness doesn’t mean that you’re not there; it means that you are not consistent and therefore can’t be fully trusted with the heavy lifting in a relationship; whether it be personal or professional.  What this person didn’t realize was that by being unfaithful, they undermined their own trustworthiness and reputation.  Even though I like them as people and enjoy fellowshipping with them, when the chips are down, I don’t call them.  Faithfulness to your family should mean that their hearts SAFELY trust in you.  Proverbs 25:19 says that confidence in an unfaithful man in a time of trouble is like a broken tooth or a foot out of joint.  In either case, you will suffer when you put pressure on them.

My dad wasn’t there to teach these things to me, but if my example shows you anything, it’s that if you trust God, you will not be deficient.  He will see to it that you get what you need.

What other things can you add to my list?  Join the conversation by leaving a comment.  Also, if this has helped you in any way and you think it might help someone else, please share it.  Also, consider signing up to my mailing list.  You can receive these posts by email and not miss one.

Marriage to enjoy, or endure. The choice is yours.

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I don’t drive with the radio on very often.  When I’m in the car I’m very often praying.  A few months ago while I was driving to work I was meditating of the mercy of God.  It was quiet in the car and I wasn’t making any noise, I was just thinking about how merciful the Lord is and how faithful He is to show mercy.  All of the sudden, the Lord began to deal with my heart about my marriage.  I have a good marriage and I pay attention to the kind of husband I am.  Sometimes though, we get lazy in our thinking and just assume that it’s ok.  Our marriage is the backdrop for our lives and always running in the background – sometimes being ignored.  A good marriage takes intentional thinking though, and I was not being intentional about it that often.  The Lord impressed upon me that my wife had not made a plan B.  Our marriage was it.  Her happiness and fulfillment were in my very hands.  I can not be 100% responsible for her being happy or fulfilled but I could be 100% responsible if she wasn’t.  I need to build & keep an environment of love and protection around her so that she can grow to find her own happiness & fulfillment.  I was being shown that I need to be watchful that I don’t make her suffer for choosing me.  If she was going to be truly happy & reach her full potential in this life, I was going to be a part of it.  I realized more clearly in that moment that if I wasn’t intentional with the way I treated her, I could give her a life that instead of loving and enjoying, she would have to just endure.  It woke me up.

linked fingers

I love my wife and want the very best for her always.  When the Lord deals with me like that, I really take it seriously.    God doesn’t just have a plan for my life.  He has a plan for her life too.  His plan for me and my wife will be intertwined and it will be much easier for both of us to make it to our full potential if we are both in our place and following the Lord’s plan for us.  God cares as much for her and my children as He does for me.  We are all on equal footing when we approach Him.  God has no grandchildren.

God’s instruction to us as husbands in Ephesians 5:25 is to love our wives as Christ loves the church.  How did Christ show his love to the church?  He gave himself for it.  We as husbands need to have this attitude in our marriage.  I like the words that Paul the Apostle used in 2 Corinthians 12:15 when he said “And I will very gladly spend and be spent for you, though the more abundantly I love you, the less I be loved”.  Our love to our wife is a gift we must give.  She can’t take it, it must be given.  We need to have a “very gladly spend and be spent” attitude when it comes to her.  One last thing.  You need to consider yourself the bottom line in your relationship with your wife.  Don’t wait for her to satisfy all of your needs before you even try to make her happy.  You do your part now,  you do your part continually and you do your part no matter what!

Where have all the fathers gone?

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tears1A few years ago I was at a funeral visitation.  There was a young lady there who I know pretty well and she’s dear to my heart.  Her parents had divorced many years ago and both had remarried and she grew up living with her mom & step dad.  She had never really had a strong relationship with her real dad.  While he had always lived nearby, he was never around and didn’t really have an active part in her life.  At this visitation, both of her parents and their families were there.  She went up to her dad to say hi and hopefully have a conversation.  All she got from him was a “Hey” and that was it…for the whole night.  He didn’t get up to hug her or make any attempt to have a conversation or show kindness toward her at all.  I spoke with her briefly about it and tears welled up in her eyes.  She couldn’t understand why.  That night was just one of many disappointing times in her life where she just couldn’t understand why.

Dads!  Don’t do this to your kids!  There is no acceptable excuse for it.  When you became a dad, one of your primary jobs became getting that child to adulthood sufficiently equipped to handle it and your job is too important for you to blow off so easily.  If you care about your children then stop being lazy and make a change.

Be there. In study after study, kids consistently say they would like to have more time with their dads. Regardless of whether a dad shares a home with the children and their mother, the kids need dad time. Working together on a chore or simply hanging out can be as meaningful as attending events or having adventures. Kids want to know their fathers. Just as important, they want their fathers to know them.

– See more at: http://www.fathersforgood.org/ffg/en/fathers_essential/whats_dad.html#sthash.bu8AHG5W.dpuf

Some of you may want to but are afraid that it may be too late.  Too much water has gone under the bridge and you can’t recover the broken relationship.  Bull!  As long as you both have a breath and a heartbeat there’s still hope.  Even if you meet resistance, your child is still worth pursuing and that relationship worth building.  You may think that they are doing alright without you but that’s deception.  If you are really interested in loving and helping them, they will greatly benefit from you being there and what you have to offer.  If your son or daughter has become VERY hard hearted because of your absence, you as a father should be prepared to spend the rest of your life trying to make it right and rebuild that relationship.  That is the commitment of a real father; the rest of your life.

Don’t wait for them.  Your kids may be grown up but when it comes to you, in their mind and in the relationship they have with you, they will always be your children.  You be the adult and make the first move.  Too many dads are forcing their sons and daughters to be the mature ones instead of standing up and taking personal responsibility for the broken relationship that their absence has created.  Enough.  No excuses. Make it right.

“My new wife doesn’t want the kids from my previous marriage around”.  While this situation will create a difficulty for you, this should have been settled before you remarried.  This argument will not hold water when you stand before your creator and give account.  When we look at the scripture, we see that the marriage covenant is over when one of the covenant partners dies (Rom 7:2-3).  With the relationship between parents and children though, they are honored and recognized in heaven forever.  Your children will be your children forever. It Not just here on earth.  That’s why when a child is commanded to honor their father and mother, it doesn’t stop when the parents have passed away.  The commandment to honor them will endure for eternity.  In the King James Bible the word Heritage is mentioned 30 times.  Below is the Strong’s Hebrew definition of the most common tense.  It illustrates how important it is to God that we pass on good things to our children, and not just material things but also wisdom and understanding.  You can’t do that if you’re not there.

Heritage = H5159 (Strong’s)

נחלה      nachălâh   nakh-al-aw’    From H5157 (in its usual sense); properly something inherited, that is, (abstractly) occupancy, or (concretely) an heirloom; generally an estate, patrimony or portion: – heritage, to inherit, inheritance, possession.

Carrina & DadWhen I became a father, I established in my heart that one of my highest priorities was to be a godly father.  I realized that there were things in me that I needed to get out of me, because if I didn’t they would probably get into my daughters.  My fatherly example was gone when I was young so I went to God for guidance.  He in His faithfulness hooked me up with wonderful examples that I could observe and learn from.  My daughters are both adults now but I’m still their dad.  I told my children that even when they are older, If I see them heading toward disaster, I will still use all of my position and influence to change their course.  I don’t care how old they are.  That’s my commitment to them as their father.  And they, because they honor me, will at least hear my argument. I have endeavored to build strong relationships of trust and to demonstrate to them every day that I am on their side.

Sons & daughters.  When your dad reaches out, give him the chance.  Even though you may be absolutely “done” with him, when all the world is quiet and you are alone on your bed, you still wish things could be different.  Deep down you really do want a strong relationship with your dad.  If you have a chance to have what you want, don’t be stupid and destroy that chance.  Be open and realize that they are scared too.

I know many of you can relate to this post.  Have you had or have you witnessed a victory in this area?  Please join the conversation.  Also, If you think this would minister to someone, please share.

Dads – Life is too short for this. We need each other.  Somebody make a move!

 

 

What’s So Great About America?

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In recent days we have been given a front row seat to see our Federal Government in action.  We have been witness to the Judicial branch settling differences between the Legislative branch and the Executive branch.  To me this has been exciting to watch, not only because of the decisions that have been made but also just to see how our system of government checks itself, and to see that it works!  I am deeply moved when I think about the men who established our country and set in order what I personally believe to be one of the finest governments to have ever existed on earth.  While I think these men were some of the brightest, most intelligent people of the day, I also firmly believe that what was done 238 years ago to cause this country to be born was Divinely inspired.

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In the booklet “The Rebirth of America” published by the Arthur S. DeMoss foundation, the writers talk about the greatness of America’s land.

“Some say the land itself has made America great.  One of our most moving patriotic hymns cites the beauty of America – a beauty that all who have traveled across the continent surely recognize.  Katherine Lee Bates stood atop Pike’s Peak and scanned the sweep of the land, then wrote of the “Purple Mountain Majesties”, and the “amber waves of grain.” She concluded that God had shed His grace on this land – a vast unexplored wilderness that, in an astonishingly short period, grew into a great nation.  It would be foolish to deny that the rich natural resources of the land itself have not helped to make America. The oil, the ore, the timber, the water, the soil, the climate, all have combined to nourish a civilization that would eventually spread from sea to shining sea.  Other nations too, though, have been blessed with fine resources; yet some how these have not risen to such greatness.”

So what is it that has made America great?  What is it that stands behind freedoms so great that they are the envy of the world?  Why has America been blessed with such abundance when so much of the world goes to bed hungry each night?  Here are a few things that I believe have made America great.

  • The Foundation of Our Law.  Our founders firmly believed in the Creator and believed that He had endowed them with inalienable rights.  They also believed that man was “fallen” and therefore could not be trusted to be his own law or judge.  They therefore used the Divinely inspired Holy Scripture as the foundation for the law of the land. The law can not be simply what a judge or dictator says it is, It must comply with the Constitution which was based on God’s laws in scripture.  Calvin Coolidge – “The foundations of our society and our government rest so much on the teachings of the Bible that it would be difficult to support them if faith in these teachings would cease to be practically universal in our country”.  I think it’s important to point out that a country can’t have morality without religion and even though something is legal doesn’t mean that it’s moral.  Our government is designed to give liberty, but with a moral fence.
  • The Generosity of the American People.  America has been and continues to be very generous.  Whether it has been to help rebuild countries that have been ravaged by war, or help with relief for countries that have been ravaged by natural disasters, the generous spirit of the American people can be seen.  America is blessed because many Americans continue to sow good seeds, be generous, and help the less fortunate.
  • The American Dream.  America has been called the “land of Opportunity” and rightly so. The dream that a person can excel and become something in this country has been the driving force behind the immigration to our country for as long as it’s been in existence.  The Free Enterprise system has ensured that everyone has a fighting chance to be successful if they will only take the opportunities.  The ingenuity of the American people over the last 200 years has given the world well build, low cost goods, provided good jobs to millions and has given Americans the income to buy the goods they produce.
  • The Hand of God.  All of our blessings really point back to this.  In his writing “The Bulletproof George Washington” David Barton wrote: “Washington’s part in the battle of the Monongahela is indisputably one of the most significant events of his early life–his life literally hung in the balance for over two hours. Fifteen years after the battle, the chieftain of the Indians Washington had fought sought him out and gave this account to Washington of what had happened during the battle:

    “I am chief and ruler over my tribes. My influence extends to the waters of the great lakes and to the far blue mountains. I have traveled a long and weary path that I might see the young warrior of the great battle. It was on the day when the white man’s blood mixed with the streams of our forest that I first beheld this chief [Washington]…I called to my young men and said…Quick, let your aim be certain, and he dies. Our rifles were leveled, rifles which, but for you, knew not how to miss–’twas all in vain, a power mightier far than we, shielded you…I am come to pay homage to the man who is the particular favorite of Heaven, and who can never die in battle.”

    We read accounts of the British destroying the Capital during the summer of 1814.  It really looks like just 38 years after America declared independence from Britain, we’re going to lose our place and be put back in subjection to the Crown.  The British captured and set on fire the public buildings in Washington.  Then the storm blew in.  Weather experts indicate that this storm probably spawned several tornados.  One hit Washington, destroying buildings that the British soldiers were hiding in.  Some accounts indicate that canons were lifted & hurled through the air.  On his blog “Historical Digression” Patrick Browne writes:

As the storm began to subside, one of the British officers in command of the invasion emerged from his shelter and said to one of the inhabitants of Washington, “Great God, Madam, is this the kind of storm to which you are accustomed in this infernal country?!”

She responded, “No, sir, this is a special interposition of Providence to drive our enemies from the city.”

I don’t know about Providence. But there can be no doubt that the tornado that struck Washington that day did more to save the capital than the United States Army ever did. The fires were largely extinguished. And the British limped back to their ships.

As you celebrate this Independence day, take a moment to stop and thank God for your country.  Thank Him for His continued hand of protection and His continual guidance as we move forward as a Nation.  We are here by His will and by His help.  God Bless America.

What we obtain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly; it is dearness only that gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a price upon its goods, and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as freedom should not be highly rated.  – Thomas Payne, 1776.


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Sources:
The Rebirth of America – Published by The Arthur S. DeMoss Foundation
http://historicaldigression.com/2012/03/26/a-tornado-saves-washington-during-the-war-of-1812/
http://www.reversespins.com/bulletproof.html

 

 

 

 

 

Fathers and Firsts and the things Moms didn’t find out about.

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Gwen's pics of Dad1 cropped.

Photo courtesy of Gwen McClellan

As I was running an errand this morning, I passed a 1965 Ford Galaxie 500.  My mind immediately went back to our Ford Galaxie.  This car had a real history with our family.  I remember a day when I was in fourth grade. I was helping my dad work in our back yard when he suddenly handed me the keys to our Ford Galaxie and told me to move it.  He gave me very specific instructions; “Put the key in the ignition, lightly pump the gas pedal once or twice & turn the key forward until the starter engages, then let off the key right away as soon as you hear the engine start.  Next, put your foot on the brake & pull the gear shift lever into reverse, turn & look where you’re going, let off the brake & slowly give it just a little gas. Back the car down the driveway & stop when you’re in front of the house. Put the car in park & shut it off”.  This was my very first time behind the wheel where I was in complete control & he wasn’t even in the car.  I did everything to the letter until it came time to give it some gas.  I didn’t have a feel for how hard to push the pedal so my version of lightly was about 3 inches.  I threw driveway gravel all over the place.  Even though he scolded me, it was a big day for me.  I had driven a car.  It might have only been 20 feet but still, for a fourth grader it was huge.

I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom. ~Umberto Eco

So many of my “Firsts” happened with my dad.  He gave me my first taste of beer. He taught me how to fish, tell time & build a car out of two wooden blocks and some bottle caps. He threw me my first fast ball (with real heat). I thought my fingers were broken.  He used to let me hand him tools when he was working on the car. He let me tear up an old tarp so that I could make a make-shift poncho. I needed something to “fling back” behind my pistols when me and my cousin would have gun fights in the driveway.  Because of him I still know the words to a few Marty Robbins songs. Dad & me christmas 1971Without knowing it, he taught me how to think as well as judge situations and empathize with people.  He always seemed to know when something was bothering me.  I remember him specifically instructing me and my sister that nothing should ever be put in front of our relationship with God, especially when it came to choices in music or friends.  I remember him getting me out of bed late in the night in order for he, my mom, my aunt and my uncle to pray for me.  One time when I was in third grade he woke me up so they could pray over me and when he took me back to tuck me back into bed, he opened his bible to psalm 71:17 & 18 and read it to me.  He then looked me right in the eye and said “This is yours.  You confess it every night before you go to bed“.  I have done it my whole life and it has had an immeasurable influence on me.

Psa 71:17 O God, thou hast taught me from my youth: and hitherto have I declared thy wondrous works. 18 Now also when I am old and grayheaded, O God, forsake me not; until I have shewed thy strength unto this generation, and thy power to every one that is to come.

Dad, Lula & Me at Grandma Gordon'sDad gave me my first guitar.  It was a Teisco Tulip guitar.  I never played it.  I think I might have learned 3 open chords but it hurt my fingers so I didn’t play it.  Dad ended up giving it to my cousin David, who didn’t play it either so my uncle Chuck gave it back.  I used to be convinced that it was the world’s biggest piece of junk but now I see how much they are selling for on Craigslist.  Wow!  Wish I still had it.  I do play guitar now though and my love of music came from dad. I have had the privilege of knowing some great men I my life.  Many of them have been strong examples, mentors & friends for me but NONE of them will ever get the honor that is reserved for him.  To my dad I would say this: You’ve started me off right.  I am forever grateful.  I honor you with every breath and every heartbeat.

My daddy, he was somewhere between God and John Wayne. ~Hank Williams, Jr

Let’s talk about Dads.  What’s special about yours?

Want to know why I am the man I am today? Here’s why.

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Windmill Cookies croppedWhen I was in about first grade, my mom started going to church.  Mom grew up catholic and my grandparents attended a catholic church.  I however, had not really gone to church much before first grade.

It wasn’t a very big church but I remember it had lively music and some people in the congregation would play tambourines during the songs.  It also had old oak church pews with no cushioning at all.  I remember that we had a lady Pastor who carried a huge purse.  All the ladies carried these purses back then, you know, they had kind of a cinch sack top and you could carry a bowling ball in them if you wanted to.  I also remember a lot of the ladies used to wear their hair up.

It didn’t take me long to make a friend at church, his name was William South.  William was a little older than me and knew a few things.  For instance, William knew that if you could find a tambourine cymbal that may have come loose & rolled near you (they occasionally did), then find a lost bobby pin, which wasn’t that difficult because all the ladies wore their hair up, and if you happened to have brought a rubber band with you to church, you could fashion yourself a fine sling-shot that would send a tambourine cymbal flying far and noticeable!  I have often thought since then that William and I should have just packaged that idea and called it “Whippin’ in a can”.  Whether it was that, or some other scheme that I invented to keep from being bored in church, the results always seemed to be the same.  I got spanked when I got home. I have since joked with my mom that it’s a wonder that I’m a Christian today considering all of the times I was punished when I got home for being rowdy during service.

Not long after that, my dad also recommitted his heart to the Lord and began to go with us.  Together, they set out to show us that what they believed was worth believing.  It was worth instructing their family about.  My mom meant business when it came to God.  She was not fake about her Christian walk. Her and dad conveyed to us that we could have a relationship with God for ourselves and that He was worth having a relationship with.

“There never was a woman like her. She was gentle as a dove and brave as a lioness… The memory of my mother and her teachings were, after all, the only capital I had to start life with, and on that capital I have made my way.”
– Andrew Jackson

I am convinced that I am the godly man that I am today because of what my mom put into me.  She formed me in two distinct ways.

  1. The things that she taught me. I remember when I was in third grade my mom used to take me into her bedroom with her and pray with me.  This was her prayer time and she would pray for an hour.  She was teaching me to pray and also trying to build into me a habit of prayer.  I thought later that I should have hid army men in my parents’ bedroom so I could have something fun to do during this time.
  2. The way that she lives.  I also remember the elderly mother of a family friend came to live with us.  My sister and I called her “Grandma Davis”.  My mom took care of her for a while.  This was right after my little brother, also known as “the breaker of my toys” was born.  I remember because mom would order me to watch him while she would go help Grandma Davis.  Mom was not only willing but glad to help out this way.

“My mother never gave up one me. I messed up in school so much they were sending me home, but my mother sent me right back.”
– Denzel Washington

I am grateful for the faithfulness of my mom.  Through the hard years she stuck it out when no one else did and did her best.  All of her children are grown now but she’s still there to help when she can.  I am so grateful that she paid attention to the person I was becoming and disciplined me when I needed it.  I am living proof of Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it”. 

I honor my mom with every breath and every heartbeat. I want to live my life so as to cause glory to fall on my mom and I thank God for her.

Mom, I love you and you really are my hero! Happy Mother’s Day!