Forgiveness | artmills.org

Getting past a big mistake

By Art | March 19, 2017 - 8:04 pm |March 19, 2017 Choices, Faith, Forgiveness, Repentance

What to do when you want to Get Even.

By Art | July 18, 2016 - 12:43 pm |July 18, 2016 Forgiveness, Love, Personal Growth

Are Your Wounds Not Healing As Fast As You Want Them To?

By Art | September 3, 2015 - 12:15 am |September 3, 2015 Faith, Forgiveness, Love, Personal Growth, Wisdom, Words

I like to work with wood. Many of the tools I use in woodworking are used for cutting and so they need to be sharp. That includes hand tools. While I usually clamp my projects in a vise, sometimes, if they are too large or oddly shaped, I have to hold them while working on them. Because I’m right handed, I’m usually holding the board or project with my left hand and because of that, my left hand ends up with all of the scars from the various accidents I’ve had over the years. My left hand has quite a few. Anyway, I have had a few cuts that probably should have had stitches but I didn’t get any. Because I didn’t though, the wound kept re-opening when I would move my hand a certain way. I used butterfly band-aids & all kinds of dressing, but certain movements would still open up the wound. Because of that, it took these cuts far longer to heal and the scar may be more visible because of it.

When I close my eyes and think back to when I was a little boy, I can see my mom scolding me because I wouldn’t leave my scabbed knee alone. I would scratch and pick at it until sometimes I would cause it to start bleeding all over again. As adults, sometimes we are like that with emotional wounds. We won’t leave them alone to heal. We keep ripping the scab off of the wound. We do it with our words. We keep bringing up a hurt and rehearsing it. With someone who has hurt us in the past, all that has to happen is that their name comes up in conversation, and then so does the past and that time when they did that thing that you just can’t seem to get over. The wound starts to seep again because you couldn’t leave it alone for some reason. What’s the answer?

Scripture gives us a clear road to recovery.

Love. Jesus said to His disciples in John 15:12 “This is My commandment, that you love one another as I loved you.” This is a specific Love to a specific group. As we follow Him, we are to love one another as He has loved us. There is no greater expression of His love toward us than that He has forgiven us. The Bible says in 2 Cor 5:19 that God was not and is not imputing our trespasses against us. God’s not holding your past against you but has in Christ completely forgiven you so that if you have received Christ as your Lord, you can stand before Him as if you have never done anything wrong. That is complete forgiveness.
Forgive. Jesus said in Mark 11:25 “And when you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive it, so that your Father in Heaven may also forgive your deviations” LITV. The word forgive here in scripture literally means to send forth, to forsake, lay aside or yield up. You probably have heard people say “I forgive them but I can never forget” but that can not be true. To truly forgive means that when those thoughts come up, not only do you not talk them out but you intentionally cast them down and purposefully not think on them. You choose to forsake the hurt. You choose to lay aside the injury. You choose to forgive
Turn your mouth around. Instead of rehearsing the past hurts, next time the opportunity arises to talk about the hurt, don’t do it! Make a decision that you will not continue to rehearse the past and scratch the wound back open. Instead, choose words of love, kindness and forgiveness. Intentionally say good things about the person who hurt you. Ask God to guide you. He will give you words to say.
Walk in wisdom. Just like in woodworking, I learned the hard way that I need to pay attention to my actions and the potential for accidents and trouble. I need to look down the road and consider the results of my actions and words. If I don’t want people to be offended, then I need to make sure I’m not offensive. The easiest way to get past a physical or emotional injury is to simply not have one.

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”
― Mark Twain

When you find yourself in the thick of it though, remember, walk in love, walk in forgiveness, turn your mouth around and finally, walk in wisdom to avoid trouble in the future.

When true forgiveness is present, it shows us that real love is also present because love is shown in forgiveness. It is the hallmark that God is on the scene.

“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.”
― Martin Luther King Jr.

I want to encourage you this week to examine yourself & look for pockets of unforgiveness in your heart. Don’t be easy on yourself. Are you holding a grudge? Are there things that you haven’t let go of? Make the choice this week to forgive. Don’t let your hurt contaminate any more of your future. Choose freedom.

The Whole Story…You Probably Don’t Know It!

By Art | June 6, 2015 - 9:31 pm |June 6, 2015 Focus, Forgiveness, Humility, Judging, Personal Growth, Spiritual growth

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Usually when I write my blog posts, I seek God about what to write because I understand that truthfully, anything good is going to be because He gives it to me. I like the way Rev. Keith Moore said it, “Without Him (God) your feet couldn’t find the floor in the morning”. It’s the God given inspiration and anointing that makes anything I write worth reading. Often, there are specific things that have caused me to want to address an issue. Sometimes I get inspired because I have witnessed someone struggling in an area of their life and I want to help. Or maybe I’ve struggled, gained the victory over the struggle and want to share how the Lord helped me. Sometimes I write because people have reached out to me and asked me to address certain things. Because of these reasons, I often find myself writing as if I’m actually talking to a specific person. Even if I’m not, I sort of create an avatar or a representative of the people I’m writing to in order to enhance the flow of the way I write. I have received a little push back in the past because some people didn’t like the way I have said certain things and they thought my emphasis should have been different. The bottom line is that they didn’t have my perspective. I always endeavor to understand their perspective and I believe we should at least consider all feedback and ask ourselves the question “is it valid?” Usually, the ones being critical, had they moved a little closer and asked a question or two, would have no doubt had a better understanding of my choices. Where there is no understanding though, there will usually be misunderstanding. People fill in the blanks for themselves. We can only hope it’s with the truth.

Many years ago I was in an apprenticeship to become a printing pressman. The man who was training me was a really good guy and he became a trusted friend. We would often take breaks together and during these breaks, we would discuss all sorts of things. Fairly often we would discuss the state of the company we worked for and diagnose all of the shortcomings it had. We would say things like “Can’t they see?” or “Are they blind?” while griping about the management and their utter failure to see the messed up things we were seeing. Then it happened. The pressman who was training me, the one who had become my friend, was asked to take over the management of our department. I was very happy for him and pretty excited for us. I mean, here was a guy who knew our daily struggle. He understood our problems. For the first several weeks of his time as my supervisor, he was literally tied up in meetings nearly non-stop. We rarely saw him and didn’t really have much time to talk. He was no longer hourly and also no longer took breaks with us.
It came as a little bit of a shock to me though, when the opportunities would come up to address some of the things we used to gripe about during our break times, and he would not change anything. He made the same decisions that he used to complain about when someone else was making them. I didn’t understand. He’s a good man and he’s honest. Why was he being such a hypocrite?

I later had an opportunity to talk to him and what he told me has stayed with me all these years. He told me that he hadn’t seen the whole picture. Once he became responsible for the department and began to see the things that were REALLY important, it changed his perspective. Once he learned the management rules he had to abide by and had to work within the framework that I didn’t see, there was little he could actually do that was different than what was being done.

We ought to get out of the judging business. We should leave it up to God to determine who belongs in one arena or another when it comes to eternity. What we are obligated to do is to tell people about Jesus, and that’s what I do.

Tony Campolo

I have found that to be true in my own life more times than I care to count. I have seen people from a distance and how they were acting didn’t make any sense to me. If I didn’t watch myself, I would find myself judging them. Then if I had a chance to get a little closer, my perspective would begin to change. If I got close enough to the situation, I would usually see exactly why they were acting the way they were and why they had made the choices they made. I would then realize how unqualified I was to judge their situation and how important it was for me to, in the legendary word of *Matt Foley, motivational speaker “Shut my big Yapper!”

I have hurt people and damaged relationships over the years because I would speak when I had no place to speak and judge before I had any real perspective. This is VERY foolish. Proverbs 29:11 says “A fool bringeth out all his mind, and the wise till afterwards restraineth it” (Young’s Literal Translation). The King James Version says it this way, “A fool uttereth all his mind, but a wise man keepeth it in till afterwards.” In other words, what we see here is that usually the fool will be the one running their mouth. I have been this guy. I’m sure you have too. I hate it when I suddenly realize that I was being a fool and allowing my enemy (Satan) to use my mouth to hurt or discourage other people. I am not qualified to be their judge and I need to endeavor constantly to keep this perspective. This is true humility. When the Bible speaks of Meekness, it doesn’t mean weakness. This is what it’s talking about. Humility.

“By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”
― Dietrich Bonhoeffer, The Cost of Discipleship

In John 9 we see an interesting story about a man who was born blind. Because he was blind, he was a beggar. Everyone in the vicinity knew him as the beggar. One Sabbath day Jesus spit on the ground, made clay, put it in the man’s eyes and told him to go wash in a certain pool. When the man did, he was completely healed and had sight.

Once the rulers of the day heard about this, they got ticked off. They reasoned that according to the Law of Moses, no one is supposed to work on the Sabbath day and Jesus made clay on the Sabbath day so He surely can’t be from God. They began to try to discredit the miracle. Religion built on form will do this though. It tries to minimize the true move of God because it didn’t happen in a way consistent with the bylaws of the organization. Really! How much clay can spit make? It’s not like He filled up a truck bed full of it! Their perspective was built on forms, rules & regulations instead of a true relationship with God. Seriously, a man blind from birth just saw the world for the first time because of Jesus!

Later, we find that through a long line of questioning, the man who was healed made the rulers so angry that they excommunicated him. He was “thrown out of church” so to speak because he asked them the question “will you believe too?”. Jesus found him later and through a short conversation, revealed that He (Jesus) was the Son of God. The man believed on Him and began to worship him. Now listen to this, this is important. Here’s the point. Jesus then says:

Joh 9:39 And Jesus said, I came into this world to be a judge, so that those who do not see may see, and those who see may become blind. 40 These words came to the ears of the Pharisees who were with him and they said to him, Are we, then, blind? 41 Jesus said to them, If you were blind you would have no sin: but now that you say, We see; your sin is there still.

The point Jesus is hammering home here is that when you and I judge, we are saying “We see”. We are saying that we see, know and understand the difference between right and wrong in the situation. If we do actually see, then we are announcing that we are accountable in this area. We know what’s right. We know what’s good.

James 4:17 says “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin”. That’s why when you judge others, you are actually condemning yourself. You see the difference and know right from wrong. When you blow it, you have condemned yourself. And if we don’t actually see even though we say we do, we’re revealing how much pride is running our lives because we’re pretending to be more spiritual than we really are.

Have you ever heard anyone say “I just don’t understand how they could do that _____”. What these people are saying is that they have never faced that decision, struggled with that problem or been tempted in that area. Now consider this. Maybe it’s the mercy of God that they have never faced it. Maybe, if THEY had to face it, they would just cave in and make all the wrong decisions. Maybe the reason you have never been tempted like someone else has is because God knows that if YOU faced it, you would immediately fall, so He in His mercy is holding it back from you. See how stupid being judgmental is?

“In all affairs it’s a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.”
― Bertrand Russell

So what’s the take away? Here are three ways we hurt ourselves when we judge others.

We hurt them and cause damage to our relationship with them.
We condemn ourselves because we state and go on record that we know the difference.
We cause God to resist us because when we judge, we are walking in pride and yielding to the enemy.

It’s so important to ask God for help in walking in humility. As the scripture states, He gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6 & 1 Pet 5:5).

What steps have you taken that have helped you to avoid being critical and judgmental? Please leave a comment and join the conversation. Also, if this has helped you and you believe it can help someone you know, please consider forwarding it.

*Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker, was a fictional character portrayed by Chris Farley on Saturday Night Live.

Why I’m not afraid of God.

By Art | November 15, 2014 - 9:39 pm |November 15, 2014 Forgiveness, Love, Spiritual growth, Vision

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I grew up in a Christian family and had a lot of exposure to God, Jesus, prayer, bible reading & Sunday school. For several years though, during my teens, I ran from it and wanted nothing to do with Church or Christians. I remember being in my high and lofty teens looking down on the idea of God and religion. I thought at the time that rational thinking didn’t really support a world view with God in it. There were too many loop holes, too many un-provable claims. I also had trouble with the example set by those I loved and trusted. The corruption that showed up in my own family was almost too much to overcome. I was really angry and like so many people, I was hiding behind the excuse of “Victim”. What I didn’t really consider at the time though, was that the seeds had already been planted in my heart and were already in there, growing. And truth be told, I had already seen too much. I could not really deny that God existed because I had already seen Him working in my life on many occasions when I was younger.

When I first made the commitment to God for myself, I was 17 years old. I remember praying to receive Jesus as my Lord and Savior in late October 1985. My uncle led me and some of my friends in that life changing prayer. I had prayed that same prayer before more than once. This time the difference was that I meant it. I received that night with all of my heart. When I look back I can see that I received for three reasons.

First was the example of my uncle. While many of my relatives are Christians, he stepped up like no other. He showed me love and support when it seemed like I had no one else. He was the best man I knew, and he was the real deal when it came to his faith. As Christians, we should all aspire to be this kind of influence in the lives of others. He has set a pretty high benchmark for me and I am committed to make sure he wasn’t wasting his time.
Second, I had come to the end of myself. Everything in my life seemed to have gone wrong at once. In my young man’s perspective, I thought I had no where to go. I know as an adult that no distress lasts forever, but I didn’t see that then. Rev. Marvin Yoder, the Dean of Rhema Bible Training Center while I was attending, has a saying. “Today is not a life sentence”. That’s good advise when you’re being pressed between the rock and the hard place and it seems like nothing is going right. At that time in my life, I couldn’t see. I was stuck and didn’t have any vision.

The Bible says in Proverbs 29:18 Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.

That’s where I was. Without vision. I called out to God because I was losing hope. It’s interesting how “Open” to the idea of God people get when they are out of options. I was no exception. Sadly, He could have been helping all along.
Third was the teaching and example of my parents when I was young. The seeds of truth about God had been planted in my heart from an early age. It wasn’t just the teaching though, it was the example. When I was young, my parents lived what they believed in front of me. I saw that God was real to them and they formed and strengthened in me a reverence for God that was there even when I was trying to pretend He didn’t exist.

I didn’t fully understand what I had done that night. All I knew was that I was serious about it. I had a strong conviction that God was not interested in hurting me, but that He really wanted to be a part of my life. It took me years to understand that the entire Salvation plan, the whole thing, from the animal skins in the garden to the covenant with Abraham, to Jesus bleeding & dying on the cross, it was all His idea; and it was all for the purpose of bringing me closer to Him and clothing me with His goodness. Wow!

The Bible says in Isaiah (BBE)

48:17 The Lord who takes up your cause, the Holy One of Israel, says, I am the Lord your God, who is teaching you for your profit, guiding you by the way in which you are to go. 48:18 If only you had given ear to my orders, then your peace would have been like a river, and your righteousness as the waves of the sea:

Very often when people see the word Profit, they immediately begin to think in terms of money & wealth building. The word Profit used in verse 17 is the word Ya’al. יעל ya‛al yaw-al’ It’s a root word in Hebrew that means to ascend with the connotation of “in a good way”. To profit. A simple way to say it is “Increase” but not just in the financial area. He teaches us to increase in every good way. Family, relationships, growing up spiritually, on the job, health, peace, so many areas. Again – all His idea. This is not man looking for God and God saying “Well, I suppose if you don’t act stupid, or embarrass me in front of the angels, I suppose you can worship me”. No! While we were lost and dying, He came to us. God’s loves you and has taken up your cause.

2 Cor 5:19 says that God is not imputing our trespasses unto us. The word impute isn’t a word you hear very often but the Greek word used here literally means to take inventory, to count, to estimate, or to reckon. God is not doing that to you. Can you just imagine – clipboard in hand – “On August 22nd, 1972 at 11:34 A.M. you hit your sister. On August 22nd 1972 at 11:36 A.M. you lied to your mother and said you didn’t hit your sister”. No! No! Thank God, No! His heart toward you is full of good! He’s not taking inventory of all of the times that we’ve blown it.

Finally, I need to point out Isaiah 48:18 though. God is saying “If you would only listen to me…Then you would have peace like a river. So many people think that God will do what ever He wants in our lives and they don’t understand why He doesn’t seem to get as involved as they would like Him to. After all, He’s God! He’s all powerful. Right? But they fail to understand that He created us with a choice. We can choose to reject Him. Many do, without saying so. They just always have to do it their way. He says “Look! If you would just listen to me and do what I’m telling you, man – you would have peace all up in here! You could stack the awesomeness 5 high”. What I want you to take away is this – God is for us, not against us. It’s us who are usually acting as our own enemy. We hurt ourselves when we don’t listen to His wisdom. We think He’s trying to ruin our fun but what He’s really doing is plotting our course around disaster. Here’s an assignment for us this week. Daily pray Col 1:9-11 over yourself in the 1st person.

Col 1:9 b Father, I ask you to fill me with the knowledge of your will through every kind of spiritual wisdom and insight.

Col 1:10 I ask this so that I will live the kind of life that prove I belong to you Lord. Then I will want to please you in every way as I grow in producing every kind of good work by this knowledge about You, God.

Col 1:11 I ask you to strengthen me by your glorious might with all the power I need to patiently endure everything with joy.
-(God’s Word Translation – 1st person edit)

Dear young man, there’s more to you than your penis!

By Art | November 8, 2014 - 9:47 pm |November 8, 2014 Forgiveness, Honor, Integrity, Love, Parenting, Personal Growth, Spiritual growth, Wisdom

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Here are some phrases I keep hearing from young men in our modern culture. “Gonna hit that!”, “Gonna get wit that!”, or “Gonna nail it!”. While it’s not always men saying this stuff, it’s men that I’m thinking about when I’m writing this post. I’m a man and I believe I am qualified to speak to men in this area. The men who live like this have no honor. Notice how the phrases objectify the subject, usually a woman by reducing them to “That” or “It”. The kind of man that would use those phrases above would be a man who’s predominantly driven by conquest. He’s a predator. His goal is the score. He’s not looking beyond it. What he expects after his little victorious moment is for everything to go back to the way it was before the score. Go hang out with friends and maybe talk about the conquest. Get up. Live life. Nothing changed. Just a hit; just a score; just another notch. No real consequences, at least not for him. No honor. Of course the deception is that you can do the sin and not get the death. Death always rides with sin. As I was thinking on this I wrote down some characteristics of a guy like this. The dishonorable man.

His friends are probably not real friends. The friends that push you toward these things does not have your best interest at heart. Some may even try to shame you when your hunt is unsuccessful. These are not real friends. You can’t trust these guys to have your back in a time of trouble.
His life will be full of shallow relationships. He will not have many, if any, deep meaningful relationships because his priority will be the physical. He comes around usually for only one reason. He has a wandering eye and is always pursuing the next conquest.
He’s a man of no restraint. He may think he’s a tough guy but he’s not. Where it matters, he’s absolutely weak. Every time a temptation or an urge comes up, he caves under it’s weight. He doesn’t exercise any discipline over himself. He’s also prone to losing his temper. When it comes to his feelings and his urges, he just gives in.
He leaves blood & guts in his wake. Many, many, many times I’ve seen it where there are young mothers toughing it out on their own because some carnal boy in a man-suit doesn’t have the real honest strength to stand up and be a man. I’m not just talking about standing by your mistake. I’m talking about not making mistakes. Using wisdom. Not taking chances when you are not ready for the result. Let me just say that I believe with all of my heart that God’s grace is there for the single parent. I am convinced that the Holy Spirit is the difference maker and where He’s involved, a single parent family can come through lacking nothing. It’s just not the best way. It’s gonna be a rougher road.

By contrast, the man of honor looks a little different.

He is humble. According to Proverbs 22:4, Honor comes by humility and the fear of the Lord (KJV). An honorable man has an honest estimation of himself. He doesn’t think more highly of himself than he aught to think.
He follows after what is right. Provers 21:21 (KJV) He that follows righteousness and mercy finds life, righteousness and honor. A man of honor will do what’s right even if it costs him. A man of honor understands that there are things more important than money or being liked and accepted and he values justice and mercy.
He avoids strife. Proverbs 20:3 (BBE) It is an honor for a man to keep from fighting, but the foolish are ever at war. A man of honor isn’t out there trying to prove how tough he is.
He listens to instruction. Prov 13:18 (BBE) Need and shame will be the fate of him who is uncontrolled by training; but he who takes note of teaching will be honored. I can’t stress this enough. The problem with so many is that they can’t receive correction. It’s sad because many times you have to let them learn through “Hard Knocks University”. They have to take the beating for themselves. It’s foolish to think that we don’t need correction. If that were the case, we would be perfect. That is NOT the case though. When we know we’re not perfect, why do we resist instruction and correction?
He pursues wisdom. Prov 4:7-8 says to get wisdom with everything you have. Lift wisdom up and she will promote you. Embrace her and she will bring you honor. Wisdom, the skillful application of knowledge, should be a life-long pursuit. Wisdom sees down the road and makes adjustments for what is coming. A man of honor looks down the road to see the eventual end of his actions. This keeps him from getting girls pregnant. This keeps him out of jail. This keeps him from losing his job. A man of honor pursues wisdom. Wisdom for every area of his life. God has made wisdom available for you to know the next step. Wisdom to resist in areas where you keep falling. Wisdom to rebuild broken relationships. The wisdom is there and the man of honor will seek it out.

Are you in an affair with your problem…or are you in a covenant with your solution? Stir up the gift! -(AJRK) From Coy Wade.

These are things that are close to my heart. I strive to be a man of honor everyday. It really is a better life. If you have been struggling with the stuff I’ve talked about here, there’s still hope. You can get there. The first thing is that you need a “Want to”. Nothing in your life changes until you are properly motivated to want it. Nothing. How do you make the change? Here are a few short steps to get you moving in the right direction.

Ask for forgiveness. (Click here for more information). Ask God and if there’s another person, ask them too.
Humble yourself to ask for help. The bible says that God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. (James 4:6 & 1 Pet 5:5). Grace is the unearned power of God. He wants to give it to you. By humility you recognize that you need His help and then just ask. Jesus said “Ask, and you shall receive, that your joy may be full”.
Trust Him. Believe that He’s on the case. Mark 11: 24.
Let peace rule in your heart and be thankful that He’s helping you. Col 3:15.

If this post has helped you or you believe it could help someone else, please consider sharing. If you are reading this anywhere besides artmills.org, please head over there and leave a comment. I welcome your participation and discussion. While you’re there, check the place out. If you would like to receive the posts directly to your email, you can sign up for it there too. Have a blessed week.

The “Do What’s Right” 4 Step Action Plan.

By Art | September 21, 2014 - 2:10 am |September 21, 2014 Forgiveness, Humility, Personal Growth, Spiritual growth, Suffering

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Say this sentence out loud. The bad behavior of others does not excuse me from doing what I know is right. Consider writing that on a post it note and sticking it on your bathroom mirror so you can read it while you brush your teeth. Better yet, print this out. There have been many times in my life when I have used the behavior of others as an excuse to slip below my own standards and act out too. Was I right? Absolutely not. I may have thought I was at the time though. Surely anyone looking at my situation would agree, I had the right to act the way I did. Poor me!

This thinking comes from a specific mind set.

A victim mentality. “I can’t help acting this way, look at how they treated me!” (Bottom lip sticking out). That statement is not true though. We can ALWAYS help it. I like the illustration Rev. Keith Moore uses. A man who habitually beats his wife says “I just can’t help it! I get so angry I just lose it”, but when you set him next to a 350 lb. line backer who can break him in half if he gets violent, some how the wife beater will find the strength to restrain himself. This is true with all of us. We don’t have to act from our feelings.

The bad behavior of others does not excuse me from doing what I know is right.

When people judge you unjustly, speak evil of you or are generally mean spirited, it never feels good! Ever! No one likes it when that happens. But the true test of a person’s strength and character is found when they stand up and do what’s right even when every feeling in them is shouting for justice or revenge.

Supernatural forgiveness

Jesus when he was being crucified said “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34). He was responding from mercy even when they were doing the absolute worst and most hurtful thing they could do to him. You may say “Yeah, but that’s Jesus! He’s the son of God”. There was another man in the bible named Stephen who in Acts 7 preached a message that when the Jews heard it, made them so mad that they screamed, stopped up their ears so that they couldn’t hear anymore, took him out of the city and stoned him. Verse 60 says that even while he was being stoned, he kneeled down and cried with a loud voice, “Lord, lay not this sin to their charge” right before he died. This was a regular Christian guy like you and me. Even when his very life was being taken away, he responded from mercy. Hebrews 12:4 says that you and I have not yet resisted unto blood, striving against sin. Verses 1-3 (WEB) say this and I find this so encouraging – “Therefore let us also, seeing we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us, Looking to Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising its shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who has endured such contradiction of sinners against Himself, that you don’t grow weary, fainting in your souls”.

Consider what that is saying.

Jesus was drawn through the very suffering of the cross and all of the things that followed it for the next three days in the heart of the earth. Drawing the FULL STING of Death, Hell and the Grave. Death, Hell and the Grave kept nothing back! All that it had was fully spent on Him. We get a little preview in Psalm 22:12-15. Why did He do it? “Who for the joy that was set before Him…” Us redeemed. That’s what drew Him through the suffering. It meant more to Him than the pain or the shame. The word despising here is interpreted to think against or to think down. Jesus was doing what Paul the Apostle admonishes us to do in 2 Corinthians 10:5. “Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ”. Imagine though what would have happened if Jesus had responded badly based on how everyone was treating Him? The earth would just be a black cinder floating in space. Aren’t you glad He didn’t.

What’s the take-away here?

Make a decision that you will do what’s right. Make this decision in advance.
Build your life while you’re strong to carry you through when you’re weak. Ask God for wisdom for this. It would be sheer foolishness to think that you will not be tested on this. You need to look at situations and occasions when you behaved badly in response to someone else’s bad behavior. Ask yourself what you could do that would give you a way out of that situation without losing control. Now implement a strategy to carry you when you need it most.
Find the Joy. God knows what buttons to push in you to motivate and help you. Ask Him for help. He will put a joy in front of you that will draw you through the difficulty. Philippians 2:13 says that God will work in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure.
Maintain your thought life. Thoughts will come. They always do. We need to cast them down. You don’t fight thoughts with thoughts, you fight thoughts with words. When the thoughts come and you are tempted to yield to self pity and begin feeling like a victim, open your mouth and begin to thank God for all the good things He has done for you. You will not be able to think about the negative stuff while your brain & mouth are engaged speaking about the positive stuff. Philippians 4:6-9 (WEB) says “In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known go God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever things are true, whatever things are honorable, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report; if there is any virtue, and if there is any praise, THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS. The things which you learned, received, heard, and saw in me: do these things, and the God of peace will be with you”.

Plan of Action.

What steps can you take today to help you when you are getting to close to the your red line? One of the things you can do is to meditate on 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 every day. Here’s a link to a downloadable PDF of it from the amplified Bible that has be modified for first person confession. Print this out & carry a copy with you. I have one next to my computer monitor in my office as well as on my mirror at home.

How have you been victorious in this area? Join the conversation and leave a comment. Your comments could be the encouragement that someone else needs to hear.

Victors, Victims & Forgiveness

By Art | September 15, 2014 - 2:57 am |September 15, 2014 Caring, Forgiveness, Personal Growth, Spiritual growth

1 Comment

I wanted to write about forgiveness in the blog post this week. My problem was that I had this big ugly area in my life where I was holding onto a little bit of a grudge. I had to get it resolved so that I wasn’t being a total hypocrite when I talked to you about forgiveness. That’s right, I’m just like you. I face it too. I also get the wonderful opportunities to wallow in my own self pity. The thing is though, when you know what to do, God expects you to do what you know. Have you ever thought about it? Not doing what you know to do is really just increasing your disobedience to God. There’s a short word for that, it’s called sin. This is the reason why I’m publishing late. For those who look for my posts and miss them when they don’t show, I’m sorry.

Forgiveness is releasing someone from debt. It may be that you were hurt physically from an act of violence or you were hurt emotionally by mean or inconsiderate people. You may actually have a monetary debt that you owe. Either way you look at it, forgiveness is always tied to debt. There can be no forgiveness if nothing is owed.

Let’s look at the word “Owe” for a second. Owe is something that is either earned or comes through entitlement. It’s owed to them, it’s a debt. This is especially true in the area of respect. There are some people that we should respect just purely based on their position. If we can’t respect them, we need to at least respect the position. This is owed. It’s due and it should be paid. If you consider what I wrote about last week about unfulfilled expectations, there are things that we think are owed us but are not. We think we deserve them but we don’t. It’s a slippery slope when you start thinking about what you deserve, or you have expectations that you have no right to have. You need to have a close look at yourself & be honest. Is it really owed to me?

Forgiveness happens when we release people from the obligation of paying the debt. We let them off the hook. Matt. 6:15 says “But if you forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses”. Forgiveness for the Christian is not an option. There is no condition found in the Bible where it’s okay to hang onto unforgiveness. We see and interesting story in Matthew 18:23-35. The bottom line of the story is that if the Heavenly Father can forgive what He has forgiven, He’s within His right to expect us to forgive also.

Forgiveness is all about you. All of the control and responsibility of forgiveness totally rests in your hands. No one else can do this for you. If you won’t do it, it won’t get done. Here are some things that helped me to do the right thing this week.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. When I hold a grudge, it’s not hurting the person I’m upset with nearly as much as it’s hurting me. When I forgive, I’m really allowing myself to move on and have some peace.
It always involves making a choice. Forgiveness always follows the choice to forgive. I read somewhere this week that when a person says “I can forgive but I can’t forget”, what they are really saying is “I won’t forgive”. Very often unforgiveness is the very thing that’s keeping you from being able to move forward. In order to get better, you need to release the debt.
Forgiveness takes away your victim status. When you are hurt and have not forgiven, you get to be pitiful and feel sorry for yourself. Don’t be deceived though, that’s weakness. Strong people don’t feel sorry for themselves. If you are tired of being a victim and want to take control of your own direction in your life, then you need to stop reacting to what others are doing to you and instead decide how your will respond. Acting from an decision is way better than acting from an injury. You are also saying that though this may hurt, it will not be the determining factor in what you do next. That will come from you and you alone. Forgiveness is really one of the first steps toward becoming strong. By forgiving, you are breaking the yoke off of your own neck and taking away the problem or injury’s control over you.

It would be unjust for God to require something from you that you are unable to do. Since He gives us no options when it comes to forgiveness, we know that:

We can do it. He would not ask if it were impossible.
It’s important that we do it. What many people don’t realize is the spiritual implications of not walking in forgiveness. If you won’t forgive, God can’t forgive you.

“Accept important apologies you never received. If you love someone and you want to forgive them, Relieve them of the need to apologize to you, for anything.” www.marcandangel.com

So what now? I issue this challenge. In the next 30 days, take at least two practical steps toward resolving unforgiveness in your own life. There are people who have hurt you or owe you somehow, find a way to let them off the hook. In the long run you’ll be glad you did. God’s way is always the best. What are some practical ways to demonstrate forgiveness? Let me hear your thoughts by leaving a comment.

Overcoming Regret & Unfulfilled Expectations.

By Art | September 6, 2014 - 8:53 pm |September 6, 2014 Caring, Forgiveness, Personal Growth

2 Comments

I was thinking of a minister I saw on Christian television several years ago. I don’t remember his name, but he was relating the story of attending his dad’s funeral. This minister’s dad was estranged from the family and had nothing to do with his children. This minister confessed that as he was sitting there in the service, he began to cry. The Holy Spirit prompted his heart as if to ask “Why are you crying?” This man shared that he was crying because there was no relationship, but there was supposed to be. There was no fellowship but there was supposed to be. His father should have been a good part of his life but now he was gone and so were the chances that it would ever happen. This is the cry of the heart for everyone that has a broken relationship with their dad or mom. This used to bother me quite a bit. What if we never get it fixed?

This minister began to share how the Lord ministered to his heart. The Lord showed him that all of the “Would have, Should have, Could have” that he was mourning over actually only existed in him. What it really amounted to was this: he had unfulfilled expectations of his father. He had an image in his mind of what he believed makes up a good father, and his dad fell short in every area. There were a lot of things that he thought should have been and a lot of things that could have happened if only his dad would have done things differently.

No one is supposed to love you like your mom & dad. They are supposed to be there when everyone else blows away. Right? We suppose that when things get weird, they will have our back. While that may be the standard for what we ultimately expect from mom & dad, reality tells a different story. According to a 2012 article by Luke Rosiak, published in the Washington Times, 1 in 3 U.S. children live with out a father, and nearly 5 million live without a mother. In 1960, just 11 percent lived without a father and in 2012 it’s at 33 percent!

While it hurts to watch your parents turn against one another and blow up your family, it’s a special kind of suck when one of your parents leaves and virtually kicks you to the curb, never having anything to do with you again. Having suffered through that, I have a special place in my heart for those I see suffering through it too. That’s one of the reasons this website & blog came to be. God has helped me beyond measure to grow, cope & ultimately become strong in spite of being left twisting in the breeze. Now He wants to use me to help you.

This minister’s story helped me because:

I realized that I wasn’t alone in this. Others had faced the same issues. My suffering was not unique and there were others who had been down that same road, and knew what I felt and could help me.
I need to respond to reality, not my unfulfilled expectations. Deal with what was, not what wasn’t.
It’s not that we want our moms & dads to be great moms & dads, we want them to WANT TO be great moms & dads. It’s hard to understand when they don’t WANT TO.
I began to realize that the pain was coming from me not him. When I realized that, I was able to get a better perspective about things.
I decided to stop expecting anything. I try not to put any burden or expectation on my mom & dad. I just want to love and honor them. I am just grateful for what they have given me and I take full responsibility to do all that I can to be a good son. One that doesn’t cause shame but instead causes the light of honor to shine on them.
Shortcomings on their part do not justify shortcomings on my part. I will no longer allow myself to use this as an excuse to be less than I know I should be. I will do what I know to do even if I’m the only one doing it.

Will we ever get it fixed? I don’t know. I take my part seriously and will do all I can to be a good son. I will continue to honor my dad and take all available opportunities to tell him so. I have this confidence that once we both pass into eternity, it will all be made right. If need be, I can endure until then.

There are few things in life that can hurt more than a parent’s rejection. Has this happened to you? How did you cope? Join the community and the conversation. Please leave a comment. Your comments can minister to someone else. If this helped you or you think you know someone it could help, please share it.

Category Archives: Forgiveness

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The Whole Story…You Probably Don’t Know It!

Why I’m not afraid of God.

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The “Do What’s Right” 4 Step Action Plan.

This thinking comes from a specific mind set.

Supernatural forgiveness

Consider what that is saying.

What’s the take-away here?

Plan of Action.

Victors, Victims & Forgiveness

Overcoming Regret & Unfulfilled Expectations.

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