Monthly Archives: February 2016

Does your vision have pulling power?

By | | , , ,
Leave a comment

It’s right about now that the passion many of us have for our new year’s resolutions begin to fade. If you’re like a lot of people I know, you’ve already run into plenty of reasons to quit. You may have already given up on your goal for 2016. We start with good intentions but when the reality of our goal begins to fill our windshield, we can get discouraged and quit. Michael Hyatt calls this part of the process “The Messy Middle”. The part where there aren’t very many rewards but all the work still has to get done. This may be where you are in the pursuit of your goals. I want to take a minute to encourage you.

I started 2011 weighing in at more than 200 lbs. For my height that was too much. My healthy weight window is between 170 & 185. What really got me though was when I saw pictures from one of our family reunions. It was in the middle of the summer and we were at a lake. I saw myself in those pictures and did not like what I saw. It was my wake up call.

Girl on road in fog

It’s not that hard to start doing things we know we should do. We all do that on a regular basis. The true difficulty is in finding the will to keep doing them when you really don’t want them bad enough to keep going. Often the drive to stop is greater than the drive to keep moving forward. Our desire for a long term benefit is over-ridden by the desire for a short term benefit. Most of the time, the short term benefit is not what we really want. Then we get mad at ourselves.

I know me. I have not always been a fan of pushing my body to higher performance. When I got serious about my fitness journey, I took a hard look at me. I knew there would be days when I would be weak. I knew that these are the times that I would fall if I didn’t have help.

I tried to do what Jeff Walker calls “looking through the corners”. I intentionally looked down the road to see what was coming. I would then build my situation while I was strong so that it could carry me when I was weak. If you are prone to quit under certain conditions, you need to either strengthen yourself or remove the conditions.

More important than engineering your situation is to have a vision of your destination. We can never become anything that we can’t see ourselves becoming. Proverbs 29:18 says that where there is no vision, the people perish. Clarity is so important when it comes to motivation. Having a clear vision will help us keep motivated and passionate about our goals.

Daniel Harkavy says that your goals & plans need to have pulling power. They have to mean enough to you that you are pulled forward by them. We see this in Genesis when God tells Abraham to look up at the stars. In light of His illustration to Abraham, the words “So shall your seed be” has tremendous pulling power. Abraham didn’t faint at the promise even though it took years before he saw the realization of it.

Ask the Lord for wisdom concerning this. He will give you the help you need. Quite a bit of the book of Hebrews is about dealing with and resisting the temptation to quit. For the Hebrew church, the temptation was to draw back from following Christ. Consider this passage from Hebrews 12 in the Easy to Read translation.

Heb 12:2 Having our eyes fixed on Jesus, the guide and end of our faith, who went through the pains of the cross, not caring for the shame, because of the joy which was before him, and who has now taken his place at the right hand of God’s seat of power.

Heb 12:3 Give thought to him who has undergone so much of the hate of sinners against himself, so that you may not be tired and feeble of purpose.

 

What a good way to say that. So that you may not be tired and feeble of purpose.  As of this morning, I weigh 179 lbs.  I have been able to reach and maintain a healthy weight because of the pulling power of a clear vision, and anticipating my weakness and while I’m strong, doing what I can to make those weak moments easier.

So – Have you grown tired and feeble of purpose? Have you allowed the weights, sin or distractions of life to rob you of your vision? Begin this week to think on your reasons why you are doing what you are doing. I know that when I stay connected to my “Why”, I can usually find the motivation to step up and stay focused.  Let the joy of your “why” become the pulling power to draw you through the hard parts so that you can be victorious.

If this has helped you, please consider sharing. Also, please leave a comment. I draw encouragement from your comments.

I appreciate you all.

Art

The True Strength of Marriage

By | | , , , ,
Leave a comment

“I didn’t marry you because you were perfect. I didn’t even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that protected them; and it wasn’t our love that protected them – it was that promise.”  -Thornton Wilder

Promises kept make for a strong marriage - social card

What do you think of when you think of marriage? What images pop into your thoughts when you hear that word? There are hundreds if not thousands of memes & social cards on the internet intended to be funny, sarcastic, sweet or inspirational concerning marriage. Many I’m sure were written with sincerity and from life experience… and many of them are just plain stupid!

Here’s one seen recently – “Marriage is when a man loses his Bachelor’s degree and a woman gets her Master’s degree”.

Simply put, the true strength of a marriage is not found in pithy inspirational quotes found on the internet. I don’t think it’s even the magic of finding the right person. I say this because even if it feels like they are the right person on day one, that’s no guarantee that it will feel like they are the right person on day 3,650. The flaw in thinking like this is that a strong marriage is going to be built on feelings at all and that is a false notion.  While feelings are good and a good marriage is capable of generating a boatload of good feelings, they are still not the standard that a strong marriage is measured by.

The strength of a marriage is not found in how much a man loves his woman and how committed he is to spending the rest of his live showing her (taken from a pintrest social card). This can’t work because a strong marriage can’t be built by a one sided effort.  I remember a couple who’s marriage had this problem.  I watched year after year, as one spouse did all they knew to do to be a good spouse.  The other would give strong effort once in a while.  Instead that person would comment that their spouse should just “love me as I am” but they themselves didn’t put forth very much effort to make good on their promises. Sadly, this couple didn’t make it.

The strength of a marriage comes from both people making covenant promises, and both hearts committing to keep them. God gave us promises and through hearing these promises and taking them to heart, we have faith in Him (Rom 10:17). God also tells us in Hebrews 6 that it’s the promises that He made to us and the oath that He swore with Abraham that have become an anchor for us when we are tempted to doubt His promises.  In that same way, our marriage becomes stronger when we hear each other make promises, and our marriage becomes anchored by those promises kept.

A strong marriage is built on strong promises.  To take it even deeper, a strong marriage is made more fulfilling when the wife sees and understands how serious her husband takes his promises.  I remember a story a minister was telling about a time he was counselling a couple who were having marital trouble.  The wife said “I want him to so such & such”, and the minister responded “No you don’t”, to which the wife said “I most certainly do!” The minister replied, “No, you don’t want him to do that, you want him to want to do that”.  And he was right.  It wasn’t just the act of doing what she wanted, she really wanted him to care enough about her to do it on his own.  She wanted him to want to help her.

The true strength of marriage is when both fully commit to each other, making a covenant pledge to selflessly work for their spouse’s good, and spend each day keeping their word.  Fulfilled promises make a strong marriage.

Have a serious look at your own relationships this week.  Have you made promises that you haven’t kept?  I encourage you this week to double down on your efforts to keep your covenant promises.

If this has helped you, please leave a comment & let me know.  I appreciate the feedback.  Also, please consider sharing this post with anyone you think it might help.

I appreciate you guys!

Art

Marriage Insights For Young Men.

By | | , ,
Leave a comment

The older I get the more I am noticing that so many of the boys I know are maturing into young men. As young men tend to do, they are finding relationships and in a few cases, they are moving toward marriage. Some of these young men have had good fatherly examples while others have not.  In either case, to the young man contemplating marriage, I offer some counsel.

I remember the days and weeks leading up to my own marriage. I had scripture and some really good books that told me what a godly marriage was to be like and while I had ideas about what marriage was, I didn’t really know what I was getting in to. There is only so much you can know from books. While my heart was in the right place concerning marriage, I had not field tested the things I had heard or read. While the things written are true, there is a far deeper understanding that comes from the doing.

Couple in Truck resized

The Bible tells a story in 1 Kings 20:11 about a king named Ben-hadad who along with thirty two other kings had laid siege against the king of Israel. Ben-hadad was bragging and threatening before a battle. And the King of Israel said in answer, “Say to him, the time of loud talk is not when a man is putting on his arms, but when he is taking them off” (BBE).

I have always liked that saying. It really speaks to me and when it comes to marriage, it couldn’t be more true. True wisdom regarding marriage comes from the truth of God’s Word, and it has deeper meaning and credibility on the lips of people who have decades of success in marriage.

That being said, here is something I want to tell the dear young men I know as they move toward marriage.

YOU’RE IN IT TO GIVE!

Many people come into marriage with the idea that the perfect marriage will reach into us and fill up a void. We may have this idea that we’re incomplete and that the perfect mate will complete us. The truth is that the completeness that we may be yearning for can really only come from our relationship with God. God in turn gives us the ability to come into marriage from a position of strength, to be the husband that He’s created us to be. When it comes to covenant marriage, you had better be in it to give! People (husbands and wives) looking only to “get” out of marriage are setting themselves up for failure and they are setting their spouse up for disappointment and heartbreak. If you are needy and high maintenance, to me that says that you are actually just selfish. You’re only thinking about what’s good for you.

The deeper understanding of Love is that it can not be taken. True covenant love can only be given and received. People who try to put stipulations on love or make it performance centered are manipulators and while they think they are showing love, true love is not there.

“A Good Husband Makes A Good Wife.” – John Florio

What is the hallmark of true love? How can we tell that it’s real? The famous Bible verse John 3:16 tells us that God so loved us that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes on Him should not perish but will have everlasting life. We see that the measure and depth of His love toward us was that He gave. He didn’t take or demand, He gave. Romans 5:8 says “But God commended his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” God’s love for us could not be performance driven otherwise His love for us wouldn’t have been made manifest until we “Got right”.  For more information on God’s Love click HERE.

Likewise, the husband’s love has got to be about giving. A man needs to establish in his heart that he is the servant of his family. He will do what it takes to provide for and facilitate the family’s success. I personally think of myself as “Batting clean-up”. When everyone else has freaked out and climbed up on the furniture, I’m the one who has to kill the spider. When one of the cars starts making a funny noise, I’m the one who, first has to try to figure it out. If I can’t, then I’m the one who has to find someone who can. When there’s a noise in the middle of the night, I’m the one up looking around. Yard, house, car maintenance, dirty, stinky or disgusting – I’m the guy.

I don’t feel like I’m being put on or that this is all a big burden for me. When I gave my heart to my wife, my marriage and my family, the willingness to do these things grew out of that commitment. It’s not what I have to do, it’s what I get to do – it comes from who I am.

“Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.”  — Zig Ziglar

You might be asking about now “What about my needs?” The truth is that you can not sow with out reaping. As the leader of your family, you will be the one that God holds accountable to initiate the right behavior. Your wife is not made to be the initiator, she is made to be a responder. The Bible makes this promise – that whatever a man shall sow, that shall he also reap. This is true concerning marriage too. If you plant good seeds, you will reap a good harvest. If you are going to be a selfishness, condescending jerk to your wife, you have no right to expect a better harvest than the seeds you have sown.

Remember – Real love can not be taken, it can only be received – and then, only when it is given. Also, remember that it is God who gives us the ability to be the husbands that our wife and family need. To those who look to Him, He gives the strength to be givers, servants and leaders to our families.

How can you put this into action this week? How can you facilitate the success of your relationship or future family this week?  What one thing can you do that will make a difference?

Please take a minute and leave a comment. Also, take a minute and share this post with someone else who could benefit from it.

I appreciate you guys!

Art

The Fit and Finish of a Good Husband.

By | | , , , , , ,
Leave a comment

The word “Dude” is a German word that actually means “fool”. In our modern relaxed vernacular, it has become interchangeable with the word Guy or Man. The online definition also says “To be dressed up elaborately”. This is where the Dude Ranch came from. City dwellers would go out west to spend some time on a working ranch. They would dress up the way they thought cowboys should dress and would stick out like a sore thumb because of the elaborate fancy dress. The real cowboys were the ones in the worn boots, worn jeans and covered in trail dust.

I was going to call this post “A good husband’s tool belt” because it was going to be about the tools a husband needs in order to be the best he can be. The problem, much like the Dude’s cloths, is that having tools doesn’t guarantee that you will use them or even know how. Young husbands and fathers indeed need to have good tools, but more than that, they need to have good insight and understanding. The problems in marriage are problems in thinking.  Besides, some men have only enough skill with tools to give themselves hammer-oids and black thumbnails.

Man in wilderness looking at mountain resized

The very first thing that a husband needs, if he will become the best he can be, is a desire to be better. Most men if asked, would admit that they are not perfect and that they could be better. Most men however, will not actively seek improvement. The idea that I’m good enough keeps many husbands from seeing any need to improve. They may say “Well, I’m not THAT bad” or “I could be worse” and these rationalizations keep them from moving forward.  They really don’t see the need to change.

I have heard it said many times that the greatest enemy to “excellence” is “good enough”. Good enough will get us there but with low quality and low value. Good enough means that it meets minimum requirements but no more. It will work but just barely.

As husbands, we need a strong desire for excellence – to be the best husband we can possibly be. This means a high personal standard when it comes to your own thinking and behavior.  It means always striving to be the best version of ourselves and working constantly to make sure that the best version is ultimately the only version.

I have a tool called a Biscuit joiner. My tool is very affordable compared to many others on the market. I bought it from a tool store known for it’s affordability. The reason this tool has such a cheap purchase price is because where most of it’s competitors use cast aluminum for many of the parts, this tool has substituted plastic instead. It also has a more crude setup, making it more work to get the accuracy I need in my projects. Does it do the job? Yes…but just. It would be far easier and much quicker to get good results with a better tool. This one meets the minimum requirements. It’s good enough.

If I had to use this tool everyday to do my work, I would immediately upgrade it. It would be too difficult to use on a daily basis and compared to the higher quality tools available, this one has a poor fit and finish. The parts & pieces have ridges & burs left on them from the molding process that have not been ground off cleanly or accurately. The parts that slide don’t slide as easily as they could because they haven’t been precision milled to fit that well.

Like my biscuit joiner, there is a massive difference between being a husband and being an excellent husband. A man that gives the minimum effort to meet the minimum requirements will not yield the best results day after day. Don’t be deceived – this will not create lasting happiness or a good marriage.

The man who desires to be an excellent husband will require excellence from himself. He will spend more – invest more. More time and more effort to create a higher quality fit and finish in himself. Then when he shows up to the ranch, he won’t be wearing the red velvet “Buckskin Joe” cowboy hat and fake pleather boots. He’ll be the real deal. He wont be “All hat and no cattle”.

So what about you? If your desire is to be an excellent husband of high quality fit and finish, it all starts with a decision. I want to encourage you today. Make the mind change. Good enough is no longer good enough!

If this has helped you, please share with someone else it could help.

I appreciate you guys!

Art

If you can slow down and do this, you can avoid a future full of regret.

By | | , , , , , ,
2 Comments

In his anger he shouts “I don’t (cuss)ing care what you say! You need to get off of my back and stop trying to run my (cuss)ing life! You need to fix your own mess before you try to fix me!” In exasperation John picks up his coat and storms out of the house. He only hesitates long enough to slam the door on his way out, leaving his mom standing in the middle of the living room crying. “She won’t let up.” He thought as he stomped off the porch steps. John’s mom had been pushing him to get a job. She really wanted him to enroll in community college but he said he wanted a break first before he rolled into the “Real World”.

John had been staying in his room gaming for weeks now and hadn’t done anything except eat, hang out with his friends & borrow money since graduating from high school four months ago. She wanted more for him and she expected more from him. So she pushed him. She didn’t want to be a nag but she really wanted to see some forward motion. That brings us to this moment. The moment John is walking down his street thinking about how he had just exploded a few minutes ago and said all those hurtful things to his mom.

His mom had been single for many years now and had been raising him on her own. She was committed to doing her absolute best to raise her son up to be a good man. She often wondered and feared that her best might not be enough. She had recently had her own relationship go bad and she was still getting over that. She had no idea that John would use that to hurt her, but he did…just now.

As John walked, his conscience began to bother him. He knew he had gone too far. He didn’t mean it. He didn’t know why he said it. He was just mad and lost control. He was sorry but was unsure what to do next and he didn’t know how to make it right. Now shame was beginning to creep in. He began to tear up. “Why do I have to be such a jerk!” He said out loud in an anger that was now aimed at himself.

Few things can compare to knowing what to do.

 

We’ve all done what John did. We’ve been in situations where we have allowed the pressure to build until we’ve just “blasted off”, vented our anger, said mean things and hurt people we care about. We would probably also all agree that while we as individuals are not necessarily mean people, we just get caught up in the moment and react badly.

To be sure, even as I write this, I still deal with the temptation to think and say the wrong thing because of the heightened stress of a situation. I caught myself just this last week letting something slip out of my mouth and then quickly having to try to recover and minimize the damage because of my poor reaction to pressure.

This matters because we’ve all said or done things that we regret and wish we could change. If a person can get this, they can live with no regrets.  So what’s to be done?

Prov 21:3 says – Whoso keepeth his mouth and his tongue keepeth his soul from troubles.  The World English Bible (WEB) says it this way – Whoever guards his mouth and his tongue keeps his soul from troubles.

To guard or to keep imply that you are watching for because you are expecting trouble.  When it comes to our mouths, this could not be more true.

James the Apostle said – For in many things we offend all. If any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to bridle the whole body. The New Living Translation (NLT) says it this way – Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

The bottom line is that we are the ones responsible for our words.  We are to make sure our words don’t offend or hurt.  Some have said “God, Why did you let me say that?” – but we should not be asking God to do something that He has told us to do.  He will help, strengthen and empower you but it’s you who must do the doing.

Set your standards before the moment so you don’t waiver in the moment.  This one truth has helped me so much in this area.  I try to run all things that happen in my life through the filter of the Word of God and if I can, I want to establish my thinking in advance.  One definition I’ve heard for Wisdom is “The skillful use of knowledge.”  In the 24th chapter of the book of Proverbs, the writer talks about the field & garden of the foolish & lazy.  He says in verse 32 “I saw and considered it well: I looked on it and received instruction.”  That’s the take-away.  Consideration.  If we will establish in advance how we will act when the heat is on, then it eliminates all the choices we might have to make when the heat is on.  Can you see the truth here?

I heard a story many years ago about a man who was called to testify in court against the man he worked for.  He was told that if he lied and protected his boss, he would be richly rewarded.  When the time came for this man to testify, he simply told the truth.  His teenage son talked to him about it later and commented that it must have been a tough choice to make with the possibility of all that money hanging in front of him.  The dad simply told his son that the choice wasn’t tough at all because he had made it many years ago when he decided that he wouldn’t tell lies.

Consider in advance and set your standards before the moment, so you won’t waiver in the moment.

If this post has helped you this week, I would ask you to please share it with those you know who it might also help.  I really appreciate your support in helping me reach those who can benefit.

Have a most excellent week!

Art