Monthly Archives: November 2015

A Father’s Heart to His Daughters.

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I thought long and hard about what to write today. I decided to write this post for my two daughters. As my youngest turns 21, my thoughts turn to the past. I was reminiscing about some of the fun times we’ve all had over the years and I also remember many times where we would just talk.  These “Talks” would often just happen and sometimes last for hours.  It wasn’t anything that was planned, they would usually bring up something that they saw or that had happened to them and it would be the start of a great conversation. Often we would talk about what was right and how to move forward.  I was able to instill into them some of the truths that I have come to know.  My girls would laugh because I would be in “teacher” mode and wouldn’t even realize it.

Hands & flowers

As their father, I don’t want to be there for them for the rest of my life, I want to be there for them for the rest of their lives. This isn’t likely to be the way things play out though, so – I wrote this post.

Ladies. As you’ve grown up you’ve had my voice in your ears and sometimes echoing in your head when I wasn’t around, giving you instruction, encouragement & correction. I decided that what I really wanted to write was something that could help you. Something from me that could help you be strong and encourage you. Something that you could go back to from me that would be here beyond me.

I’m not perfect but you already know that. Nonetheless, I have always tried to be the best example I could be. I am relentless in trying to make my words and my actions match. I have always wanted you to see in me, a living example of the things I’ve been teaching you. What I believe, I believe whole heartedly. I am convinced that I have found things in life that are worth passing on to you and I refuse to let you find your own way without telling you what I have already learned. I pray always that you have the ears to hear them and the strength of character to let them work in you too.

I want you to know above all else, how much I love you. I also want you to know that my love for you is unconditional and not based on your performance. Most of your choices are excellent and I can see wisdom working in you. A few of your choices have not always made me proud, but I believe in your right to make them. I have found also that many of the things you have done that I would not have done if it were up to me, ended up being right. It proves once again that I don’t know everything.

I have told you this before and I mean it. When everyone else has left you twisting in the wind, as long as I’m here, I will be the one standing behind you helping you. Together we will dig you out of whatever hole you find yourself in. I am always on your side and I will always help you.

I want you to know that I think you are pretty. You got your looks from your mom (thank the Lord).

I want you to see that your physical beauty is only a small part of who you are. The truth about physical beauty is that it’s fleeting. It doesn’t ultimately matter how many blouses, purses, or shoes you have. Eventually you will be putting them on an old person. Don’t build your identity on your beauty because it WILL change and then where will you be? Proverbs 11:22 says “A ring of gold in the nose of a sow – a fair woman and stubborn of behavior” (YLT). In the BBE (Bible in basic English) translation it reads “Like a ring of gold in the nose of a pig, is a beautiful woman who has no sense”. As you can see, the really important stuff about being attractive doesn’t come from the outside. The true quality of a person comes from the inside. Yes, a gold ring is pretty, just make sure everything behind it is awesome too.  This brings me to the next point.

I want you to understand that you not only can, but need to walk in personal discipline. Truthfully, most people don’t really care how you feel. They care about what you do. It’s your actions in life that will be rewarded and/or punished. Think about it. From your earliest school years all the way up to your job today, reward and punishment are based on your performance. What you do. This is important because you need to understand the power of your will. You can choose to act contrary to how you feel. Remember Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane? He didn’t want to go forward. When He said “Nevertheless, not my will but your will be done”, there were two wills at work there and they were NOT the same. He decided to submit Himself to His Father’s will. By doing that He illustrated for us that our will is FAR stronger than our feelings. We can choose to put on a smile and go forward with our day. We can be pleasant and friendly when inside, we don’t feel like it. We can be helpful and kind when inside, we may want to smack people. We can stand by faith when we feel like falling.  Author and speaker Andy Andrews says it like this “Self discipline is the ability to make yourself do something you don’t necessarily want to do, to get a result you would really like to have.”

Acting appropriately when you don’t want to will open you up to more and better opportunities than will be given to those who are lazy, selfish and have an attitude of entitlement. Keep that in mind because no one who ever accomplished anything significant did it by themselves. You will need the favor, guidance and the help of those who have gone ahead of you.

Above all, remember that the value of a thing is based on what someone is willing to pay for it. The Bible says in Leviticus 17:11 that the life of the body is in the blood. That means that the very life of God the son, was shed & spent to purchase you. To redeem or “buy you back” to God and out from under the curse that came from man’s first disobedience. This means that you are immeasurably valuable to God. He loves you, wants the best for you, has designed a wonderful path for you and has given you His Spirit to empower you to live it.

I also want you to remember that you stand in His circle.  Circumstance = the circle you stand in.  You have both been made the Righteousness of God in Christ Jesus.  Because of this right standing with God, you are standing in Jesus’ circle.  His circumstance is that of victor!  He’s given His victory to you!

As I write, I realize that I can’t even scratch the surface. There are many paragraphs that I have removed from this post to keep it reasonably sized. There are also some subjects that need their own post. We can’t give them the attention they require in this post.

Often I pray specifically for you two that you will have the wisdom, understanding & patience to walk your walk. I pray this according to Col 1:9-11.

A special Happy Birthday to my baby girl.  21 today!

I love you both with all my heart.

Dad

“She Knows”. Happy Birthday to My Big Sister!

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One of my earliest memories was of me standing in a crib in my parent’s bedroom while my sister sat on their bed. She and I were throwing popcorn at each other. I don’t know how old we were but it was waaaay back there. I also remember that we had Shetland ponies. Hers’ was named Icky and mine was named Ocky.

My sister and I are three days shy of a year apart. So every year we’re the same age for three days. I don’t know how she feels about it but I think It’s pretty cool.

It’s hard for me to frame up our relationship in words. I think sometimes what we have between us is in some very small way similar to what soldiers have between them after they have seen combat together. We haven’t necessarily been in anything life and death but we’ve seen some stuff together. It seems like in the early years, everything we did, we did together.

She’s in so many of my great memories. Like the time I hit her in the face with a change purse and gave her a bloody lip. Mom came to her cry, tended to her lip, and rather than spank me, just said “It’ll be okay, you just have chapped lips”. I still haven’t lived that down. Then there was the time she put her gum in my hair. That one got mom’s attention.

My uncle Roy would take us out to catch minnows & crawdads in a few if the local creeks & ponds. We would come home soaking wet & covered in grime. Those were the nights that we would sometimes get to stay the night at Aunt Mary & Uncle Roy’s house. It was always such a fun time. These memories are some of the best ones I have, and she’s in almost every one.

We were not always friends. Mom made us do the dishes together. She would always wash and I would always dry but that was only part of the story. We were masters at provoking one another. Sometimes mom would come into the kitchen and just sit at the table. Overseeing the argument and making sure everyone made it out alive.

Lula, Art & MastiffsWhen I think about the good things I’ve experienced and the rough spots I’ve been through in life, one of the few things I can say with certainty is I wasn’t by myself. She was with me. “We Know”. We know what happened. We lived the experience together. We know how each other feels.

Today is her birthday and her wedding anniversary. I just wanted to take a minute and tell the world how important she is to me. She is enthusiastic, friendly, gentle & caring with people. She reminds me a lot of my grandfather in that respect. She is more than just my sister, she’s also one of my closest friends. She has a winning personality and a generous heart. I admire her very much and in so many ways.

L.V.R. – I love you and want you to know how honored I am to be your brother and to share our unique connection.

Have the best Birthday & Anniversary ever!

A Heart Of Thanksgiving.

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When I was a little boy, we used to celebrate Thanksgiving in style. I remember my family would rent the second floor meeting room at city hall in the town where my grandparents lived. All of my family from my Great Grandmother down would show up for a really big family feast. Because of this I grew up knowing my second & third cousins. My Great Grandmother had 12 children & my Grandmother had 9 children. You can begin to see why we needed such a large venue for our Thanksgiving.

Pumpkin with leaf in grass resized

photo courtesy of stocksnap.io

These times were truly wonderful. We ate together, played together and fellowshipped together. Thinking back, I miss those times. Most of us have lost touch and sometimes I wonder where all those second & third cousins are today.

To me Thanksgiving means family. I am truly thankful for my family. I realize that I am not standing where I am today by myself. I am here because of the wisdom, guidance & example of my elders and the influence of my relation.

Edward Winslow’s 1621 account of the first Thanksgiving indicates that 53 Pilgrims celebrated with 90 Native Americans in an event that lasted three days. Many Pilgrims died during the voyage and during the first winter. The surviving Pilgrims expressed their gratefulness to God that He had preserved them and that, with the help of the Native Americans, they were able to see and enjoy the first harvest.

While in the past Thanksgiving has been a time for families to stop, take note of the bounty and blessing that they enjoy, and be truly thankful, now it seems like “Black Friday” has over-shadowed the true meaning of Thanksgiving. Many stores this year will open on Thankgiving night. It almost seems to me that the date that we’ve set aside for thanksgiving has been usurped by a secular day based on covetousness and greed.

I know people who make it a fun family time to go stand in line for door buster deals and I am not trying to lay guilt on anyone. I just want to encourage you this year to keep your Thanksgiving celebration set apart and meaningful.

True thankgiving represents a true heart of humility toward God and a grateful acknowledgement of His blessing.

This year take the time, examine your heart, be truly thankful…and celebrate.

Happy Thanksgiving & God bless you!

Art & Family.

The Power of One Voice

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Recently I was listening to an interview where Michael Hyatt was interviewing Stu McLaren. I discovered some pretty impressive things about Stu. He and his wife have created a charity that builds schools in places like Kenya & Uganda. As I was listening to Stu talk and the passion that dripped from every word, I was stirred. Stu is impacting the world with the power of one voice.

This morning while working out, I was thinking on these things and I remembered the story in the Bible about the man in the tombs who was possessed with demons. (Mark 5) The Bible says He was in the country of the Gadarenes. And the place he lived was called Decapolis. When people tried to bind him, he would break the bands. He ran around naked and would cut himself with stones. When Jesus showed up, He cast the demons out of the man and into a herd of pigs. The story tells that 2,000 pigs immediately ran down a steep place and drowned themselves.

News got out. The people came to see. What they saw was a man who they usually saw naked and crazy, sitting clothed and in his right mind. Once they heard the whole story, they asked Jesus to leave. They were scared and didn’t want him around.

The man who was delivered from this possession wanted to go with Jesus, but Jesus didn’t let him. Jesus told him “Go home to your friends, and tell them how great things the Lord has done for you and has had compassion on you”.

– The Power of One Voice. He went on his way, and made public in the country of Decapolis what great things Jesus had done for him: and all men were full of wonder – BBE.

In Mark 7:31 We see Jesus coming back through Decapolis. This time the people were not asking Him to leave. Instead, they immediately brought Him a deaf and dumb boy so that Jesus could heal him. Jesus had to take him aside from a MULTITUDE. Why was there such a radical transformation in the hearts of the people in this region? Could it be because of the power of one voice? A changed man with a message?

Jesus said to His disciples in John 12:24 That unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground & dies, it abides alone. If it falls to the ground & dies, only then will it bring forth much fruit.

“The purpose of influence is to “speak up for those who have no influence.” (Pr.31:8) It’s not about you.”   ― Rick Warren

God is calling you to something bigger. To bear much fruit. The one thing that needs to happen first, before fruit can be produced is that a seed needs to be planted.  No seed, no fruit.  The Great commission given by Jesus to His disciples before He was taken up into Heaven, was for all of us to tell people what God has done for us. To leverage our personal experiences with God to affect and influence as many people as possible. To exercise the power of our one voice with the message of hope.

If you have submitted yourself to the Lordship of Jesus, according to scripture, your old man has died. You are now a new creature in Christ Jesus. You are the seed sown by God into the earth to bring forth much fruit. With the Power of One Voice. With the power of your Voice.

Will you step up and take your place?

Here Are Three Specific Attributes Of A Good Man.

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Last week I wrote about building a good man and the personal responsibility each of us has to become the best Us we can be. I want to expound on that a little bit this week because while we need to understand our roll in becoming who we are, often many of us don’t know how. We don’t know where to start.

Suit & tie

Photo courtesy of StockSnap.IO

I was reading an article recently entitled “10 things to teach your son about being a man”. The article was good and I enjoyed it. It focused on things like being a gentleman, holding the door, walking on the street side of the sidewalk & stuff like that. While I was thinking about the article, it occurred to me that many men DO NOT have a dad around to teach them these things. Many of the ones who are fortunate enough to have their dads around may not be hearing it either because their dads don’t think its important to pass on. I didn’t have a dad around to instruct me on “all things men”. As I think about it now, one of the only things I remember hearing from my dad about being a man was “grown men don’t hug”. As I look back over my life though, God gave me plenty of good examples to follow. He put men around me that helped me immeasurably. And thankfully, He gave me a listening ear.

While I agree with the things in the article I read about being a gentleman, I think there are more weighty issues that young men need to know about while becoming good men. I believe you can become a man just by growing up, but that doesn’t mean you are worth anything. The goal should be to become a good man, a mature man and a godly man. And just exactly what constitutes a Good Man? Because I believe the Bible, and the Bible says that Jesus is perfect. I think we need to look at His example to truly know what a good man is. Hebrews 5 says this about Him.

“Heb 5:8 Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered; Heb 5:9 And being made perfect, he became the author of eternal salvation unto all them that obey him;”

The word “Perfect” used here in the Greek means complete, accomplished, finished fulfilled, perfect & fully mature. This is the absolute picture of Jesus. Ephesians 4:13-16 says that we as godly men, are to grow unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ.

So what does that mean for us as we move toward being the best men we can be?

Growing up means maturity. This is hard sometimes. We (that is, our flesh and our un-renewed mind) don’t always want to be mature. Sometimes all we want to do is “flesh out” and throw a fit. The Bible calls this being “Carnal”. Carnal comes from the root word that means “meat”. To be carnally minded just means that you’re spending all your time paying attention to the flesh. A mature person will not do this though. So what does it mean to be a good man?

No Strife

It means no more strife. While this verse is talking specifically about strife & unity in the Body of Christ, it is important to understand that a mature man will not tend toward strife. Strife is defined as bitter disagreement over fundamental issues – conflict. It’s a true sign of growth and maturity when you as a man demonstrate that you are the master of your emotions, attitude and anger. Good men are men of peace.

No FlakinessIt means no more flakiness. We are not to allow ourselves to be victims of the deceitfulness and manipulation in our beliefs or in our life. Even while we are not to be victims of such things, we are also not supposed to engage in them.  We are not to be deceitful and the manipulators of others.  Scripture says in Eph 4:14 that “Speaking the truth in love we will grow up in Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ”. Good men are stable men

No SelfishnessIt means no more selfishness. According to Ephesians 4:16, the man of God will be working to increase the effectiveness of others. A good man will not have a “Me First” mentality. He will be looking for opportunities to assist others in doing good and helping to facilitate their success as well as his own. Good men are helpful men.

I want to write more on specific issues in future posts and give more specific actionable steps. But today I want to ask you a question. Think about the good men you’ve know in your life. Were these things in their life too? I would encourage you this week to act on these for yourself. I would love for you to share how you plan to step into them. Leave a comment and share your three things.

A Good Man. How to Become One.

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You decide what kind of man you are going to be. When the ink dries on the story of your life, it is going to reveal that you were the one behind the wheel. You were the one making all the choices and determining the direction in your life. The important thing for you to realize while your story is still being written, is that the tools are in your hands to build yourself into the man you should be. You’re going to have to be intentional about your life though. You must decide for yourself what you will allow and what you will deny to exist inside of you. These choices are yours alone. As Jesus said – A good man, out of the good treasure of the heart, brings forth good things; an evil man out of the evil treasure in his heart will bring forth evil things. It therefore becomes very important for us to examine what we’re allowing to get inside us.

When I was in what was then called Jr. High School, a new kid started mid year. I realized that he was walking home the same way I did, so we began to talk and I found out that he lived less than a block away from me. As I began to spend more time with him, I learned that he was one of five kids. His family had four boys and a sister who was the eldest. I didn’t see his mom very often because she was always working, but I did see his dad all the time because he wasn’t. As I think back on it, all the years I knew my friend, his dad never worked. He just smoked cigarettes, drank beer & watched TV. My friend and his brothers didn’t have a very good example of how to be a man…and it showed. While it could be said that they were not the best boys, it could be said that none of us were the best boys. We were all ornery and sometimes it seemed like we were the poster children for really bad ideas.

Shaping pottery

Around the same time, I had another friend that I hung around with. His dad was an executive in a large manufacturing company and his mom was a home-maker. They lived in a pretty nice house and he had all of the things that he needed to be comfortable. As I think about it now, his parents really cared about him and it seemed that they did a lot for him. He was the middle child and the youngest of two sons. This kid was the crowned prince of trouble though. He was constantly rebelling and doing his absolute best to ruin his own future. The thing is, as far as I could tell, he had a great example in his dad. His dad got up everyday and took care of business. I looked up to his dad and respected him.

Years later when I was in Bible School, one of my instructors said that it didn’t matter if you came from a broken home, or if your dad had abandon you, if you fully trust God to make up the difference, you will not be deficient. The second he finished that statement, the young man next to me spun around in his desk, looked right at me and declared, I want to say it again, he declared it to me. “I am not deficient!”. I believe this was a defining moment in this young man’s life. Hearing what the instructor said really ministered to his heart and it was apparent that most of his life, he lived with the believe that because his dad had left him, he was in fact deficient. I immediately identified with him because for years and years I too felt deficient. I felt like I was disadvantaged and because of my station, I was less than everyone else.

There are so many things that are directly affected by an absentee father. There are so many dysfunctions that usually arise in the lives of children who’s fathers have kicked them to the curb. As they grow up, many will use this as their primary excuse to act pitiful and not try to better themselves.

Truth Bomb Dead Ahead!

I DO NOT BELIEVE that failure in life can be completely blamed on a poor or absentee father. There is more at work here than the example your dad gave you, and I am living proof that you don’t have to be deficient. You don’t have to stay down. The quality of a man can not be fully attributed to whether or not he has a good, bad, present or missing father.

The longer I live, the more I’m convinced that the truly healthy family is the exception and not the rule. There’s drama and weirdness in every family. In some cases, people are just downright bizarre. If this were a good excuse to live a pathetic life, most of us could use it. But it’s not. So many people have allowed situation, station and circumstance to define who they are. I have seen young men time and again blaming dad, mom, girlfriend, company, economy, government for their unhappy life. They see themselves being held down and just not being able to land a break.

“Take a good look at where you are. If you don’t like where you are and want things to change, you are going to have to do something different.”

Others have refused to be held back. They did not allow circumstances, station or an absentee father to define them. They reserved the right to choose their path for themselves. You can think like this too. I know because I used to think like a victim. Everything was beyond my control. I just had to play the cards I was dealt. One day I looked back at all of the “breaks” people had given me that I didn’t value. Time and time again, people would do little things to help me out. Things like setting up an interview or hiring me for temporary work. I was ashamed when I realized that I was to blame for not valuing the things people were doing to help me. This is when I changed my mind and took responsibility for myself. I began to realize that God had created me on purpose and for a purpose. He has great things in store for me.

Yes, your dad may have kicked you to the curb. Yes, it may have left a world class hole in your heart. Yes, it may have taken away some of the things that would have otherwise made things easier.

Truth Bomb Dead Ahead!

It doesn’t have to define you. It doesn’t have to limit you.

You decide what kind of man you are going to be. I encourage you today to step out from behind all of the reasons you’ve been hiding behind, that have held you back. Decide today to put away victim thinking and take responsibility for your future.

Take a good look at where you. If you don’t like where you are and want things to change, you are going to have to do something different. There’s a saying attributed to Albert Einstein that says “Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”.

Jesus is the perfect man. To find a perfect example of how we should be, we need to just look at His example. In Ephesians 4:13 we see God’s plan for us. “Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ:”

God’s plan for each of us is to first of all, submit ourselves to the Lordship of Jesus, and then to grow up on Him. We are to grow and mature until we take on the very measure, stature and fullness of Him. Verse 15 says of us, “But speaking the truth in Love, may grow up in Him in all things, which is the head, even Christ.

Ephesians 2:10 says that each of us has a part, a function, a calling, a divinely ordained purpose and place.

You decide what kind of man you’re going to be.

Be a good one.

Start today!