Category Archives: Personal Growth

Want to Reach Your Full Potential? This is a Must.

By | | , , ,
2 Comments

A few years back, I saw a made for television movie about settlers moving west. I don’t remember what it was called but I remember one scene in particular when a family came to the Mississippi river. It was during winter and the river was frozen over. They were going to have to cross the river in their wagon. Though the river was frozen over, there was always the possibility that the wagon would break through the ice . They needed to make sure they were as light as possible. As they stopped on the bank of the river, all along the bank were fine pieces of furniture, cabinetry and even an organ. Treasures left behind by travelers who had passed before. Family heirlooms that were so precious that they couldn’t be left behind and it no doubt broke the hearts of the people who had to just leave them there sitting in the open air on the bank of the river. Why were they there? Because they suddenly became a direct threat to the success of the journey. Hanging on to them would have meant possibly breaking through the ice, losing the wagon, the rest of the belongings and maybe even the lives of the family. These things that were once considered so valuable were now considered heavy weight and were hindering the progress. Keeping these things would have caused the travelers to fall short of the goal. They would not have made it if they didn’t dump the unnecessary weight. 

IMAG0435I remember a time several years ago when I had an experience that I will never forget. It was early one morning and I was right at that point where my eyes were not open yet but I was sort of awake. You know, that point where you are sort of teetering on the edge of sleep, when all of the sudden this thought floated up into my mind like a voice from the inside of me. ”The time is coming when this will no longer be tolerated”. First, I knew immediately what it was pertaining to, and second, I was instantly fully awake. So many times this is how God leads his people. Not by an audible voice but by a “knowing” or a conviction.

I understood what it was about. There were some things in my life that the Lord had been dealing with me about and I was over-riding my conscience about them. I was ignoring His correction. He was warning me that if I wanted to reach my full potential, I was going to have to lay them down and not pick them up again.

I began to see that many of the ministers that I have heard of that have fallen, failed and brought reproach against themselves and the ministry were in this same situation but would not listen. They would not receive correction and wound up ship wrecked with damaged credibility and diminishing influence. In some cased dying sooner than they should have. Some fell over money. Some over sexual immorality. Some over mishandling the ministry that the Lord put them over and in each case they would not judge themselves, they would not submit to correction. In some cases we have record of other ministers going to them and warning them but they would not listen. I realized that if I continued to resist instruction and over-ride correction, I was very likely to stall. 

I began to understand the importance of correction. First we need to understand that God loves us, and who He loves He corrects. Heb 12:5 (God’s Word Translation) says “You have forgotten the encouraging words that God speaks to you as his children: “My child, pay attention when the Lord disciplines you. Don’t give up when he corrects you. 6 The Lord disciplines everyone he loves. He severely disciplines everyone he accepts as his child.” 7 Endure your discipline. God corrects you as a father corrects his children. All children are disciplined by their fathers. 8 If you aren’t disciplined like the other children, you aren’t part of the family.” 

How should we think about correction? Correction is not a bad thing. God corrects us because he loves us. Realize that when He begins to convict your heart about anything at all, it’s the creator of the Universe taking a specific interest in your life and giving you instruction to help you grow up to a greater level of maturity. Correction from God should not to be feared or despised. The tiny details of your life matter to Him.

  1. We should pay attention to it. The King James says it this way “Despise not the chastening of the Lord”. We find in the Bible that to despise means to value lightly, to lightly esteem (1 Sam 2:30). When we are corrected, we need to value it & take it seriously. This is honor. The reason we are warned to pay attention is because the temptation will arise to ignore it.
  2. Don’t give up. The whole purpose for the correction is to help you move forward. Consider what would have happened to the settlers moving west if they had gotten all the way to the Mississippi and then just refused to part with the heavy stuff. Imagine thirty years later, there they are, stuck. The dream of a new life in the west fading into distant memory. In some cases, not accomplishing the life that they were born to live, all because they wouldn’t let go of the things that were weighing them down and holding them back.
  3. Understand why you’re getting it. You’re getting it because God really does love you. He wants the best for you and wants you to stay on track and stay out of the ditch.
  4. Understand how God thinks of you. If you’ve received Jesus as your Lord, He thinks of you as His child. As His child, He has the right as your father to instruct, guide and correct you. There’s no one wiser that He is. When you look to His word and it hits you right where you live, don’t ignore it. It really is for your good.
  5. Correction may come to you through an elder. You must have the humility to receive it. They may not say it in soft tones but if you’re going to grow, you can’t let hurt feelings keep you from seeing the truth of it. When you can receive it and use it and not let your feelings or pride get in the way, that shows real maturity.

God is faithful. I trust Him to help me. I’ve prayed and asked the Lord to show me where I’m being held back. I want to know. I don’t want to be deceived into thinking I’m okay in an area where I’m not. I know that in my own past I have been entirely too light on myself when it comes to what I allow. The truth is, corrections are always necessary in order to get where you want to go. Life will try to blow you off course all the time. The only way to reach any goal is to correct. If you don’t correct, you will end up somewhere but it will not be anywhere you want to be.

You be faithful too. I remember a long time ago when I quit smoking. I blew it after several days of success and I was so disappointed in myself. I remember praying and saying “Lord, I’m sorry. I don’t want to do this anymore.” Just like the morning I woke up to that thought, He caused me to realize this “The quicker you become faithful, the quicker the fruit of faithfulness will show up in your life”. The faster you respond and the more serious you take the instruction, the faster the results show up.

Correction usually means course change and that sometimes involves repentance. Hebrews 12:1 says “Since we are surrounded by so many examples of faith, we must get rid of everything that slows us down, especially sin that distracts us. We must run the race that lies ahead of us and never give up.”

fist-1What should we do? I’ve decided to get “Bare Knuckles” with myself concerning these things. I want to get brutally honest with myself. I don’t want anything to hold me back from hitting the mark and reaching my full potential. So here’s my challenge to you. Will you go with me? Will you take the Bare Knuckles challenge? Let’s take this walk of faith together.

What steps can you and I take this week? Let’s mix it up! I want to hear from you. Maybe we can give a few minutes each evening to reflect on the day and where we may have missed it, then make a plan for the next day so that we don’t.  Please leave your comments below and that way we can help each other.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Get This Phrase Out of Your Mouth.

By | | , ,
Leave a comment

Waging War on One Little Phrase.

We need to wage war on one phrase. It’s a small phrase but it carries with it a profound capacity to increase sales. It can cause a proud heart to take comfort in its pride. It causes more people to feel dissatisfied with more things on planet earth than nearly any other phrase I can think of. It really is diabolical in its underhanded deceit. It is one of the things that we see in others that makes them difficult to tolerate and to be around. It has in recent years become a self help buzz-phrase and its popularity in advertising is obvious. What is this phrase? The phrase “YOU DESERVE IT”.

Salesman

…because YOU deserve it!

I don’t know how many times in the last few months that I’ve heard commercials say “Because you deserve it!” or “Get the [product name here] that you deserve!” I’m sure this is a very effective tactic in advertising because it stimulates dissatisfaction in a person’s current situation and implies that there is something better. You – you superior thing, you, YOU deserve it. You shouldn’t have to endure one more second with that piece of junk you have now! Leave that for the people who aren’t as high caliber as you. You move yourself up here where the DESERVING crowd hangs out.  I’ve also seen it often in “encouragement” graphics on social media.  This is a phrase I have noticed a lot “Sometimes you must forget what you feel and remember what you deserve”.

The problem is that the vast majority of people believe that it’s true. Deep down they think “you know, I DO deserve it”, but do you? Do I? What makes us think that we deserve better? Where is this notion coming from?

The beginning of the problem. We all have heard the story of when Satan entered the Garden of Eden as a serpent and deceived Eve with the fruit. If we glaze over this story though, we miss some very important things that we need to understand about who we are and where we are.

  • What Satan said: Gen 3:4 (GWT) “You certainly won’t die!” the snake told the woman. 5 “God knows that when you eat it your eyes will be opened. You’ll be like God, knowing good and evil.”
  • We see here that Satan was casting doubt on two things.
    1. God’s truthfulness, indicating that God had lied to them about what would happen.
    2. That God was holding out on them. Satan implied that there was some awesome (reserved for the special ones) thing that God had, that they didn’t have, and that God had forbid them from eating the fruit because He was selfishly holding onto that part just for Himself.
      What was Satan really pointing to? You Deserve It!
  • Have you ever stopped to consider what Adam and Eve really gained in that transaction? What they gained was the knowledge of evil. They already had everything else. All they gained was “Less”. They literally lost the ability to be all they were created to be.

What it really boils down to is Pride and Vanity!

PRIDE

  1. feeling of superiority: a haughty attitude shown by somebody who believes, often unjustifiably, that he or she is better than others. -Bing Dictionary.
  2. A feeling that you are more important or better than other people. -Merriam Webster Dictionary

VANITY

  1. the quality of people who have too much pride in their own appearance, abilities, achievements, etc. : the quality of being vain. -Bing Dictionary.
  2. something (such as a belief or a way of behaving) which shows that you have too much pride in yourself, your social status, etc. -Bing Dictionary.

When you think about it, it really comes down to thinking that we, by our awesomeness, good works, talent, handsomeness, beauty and brilliant personality, have earned the right to have something we don’t currently have. Pride comes from thinking that YOU are “All That” and the subtle deception is that YOU by your amazing ability caused yourself to be worthy. Let me help you with that…Not True!

The truth is that God, by His mercy and grace gives you your next heartbeat and breath. He has put gifts & grace into you, sometimes even before you were born, so that you can accomplish all that He has planned for you, and live the life you were born to live. Do not be deceived that any of your awesomeness (and you do have awesomeness) comes from you.  More truth is that we are fallen under sin.

Rom 6:23 (KJV) For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.

The word Wages in Romans 6:23 is the Greek word opsōnion (op-so’-nee-on) – which means rations for a soldier, that is, (by extension) his stipend or pay: – wages. This is what is earned, wages. This is actually what we have earned and deserve. The rest of the verse goes on to say that God’s eternal life through Christ Jesus is a gift. The word Gift is the Greek word charisma. char’-is-mah. which means a (divine) gratuity. It comes from the word charizomai. (khar-id’-zom-ahee) which means to grant as a favor, that is, gratuitously, in kindness, pardon or rescue: – deliver, (frankly) forgive, (freely) give, grant. (All Greek word definitions from Strong’s).

When we think about it, what we really deserve, what we have really earned, is to be set on fire for all eternity. You may think that’s a little harsh, but let me ask you a question? How many laws do you have to break to be a law breaker? How many lies do you have to tell to be a liar? We have all missed the mark. God’s word to Eve is still true today, disobedience brings death. You can not reach to where you need to be on your own. You do not have what it takes. But thank God that He sent Jesus to do what we could not do and through His sacrifice, you CAN get there. He has opened the way. That’s why we submit ourselves to the Lordship of Jesus. When we do that, God accounts Jesus’ righteousness to us. We can stand before God as if we had never done anything wrong, ever!

When we understand that we have what we have by the free gift of God, and that we have no place to brag on ourselves, we are humbled. This attitude is the opposite of pride. A person of humility understands that the good that they have received, they did not earn and they have no bragging rights about it.

Phil 2:5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: 7 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: 8 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. 9 Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name:

Jesus is our example, He humbled himself.  We should do that too.

Jas_4:6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.

When we stand in pride, it actually blocks & stops the flow of grace into our lives. God resists the proud. Who can afford to have God Himself resisting them? The rest of the promise is that the grace of God flows to the humble. Who can afford NOT to have that!  No one is self-made.  When we realize what we have and how it comes, we can walk in true humility.  Grace flows to those who do.

The earmark of humility is a grateful heart.  I encourage you to maintain the flow of grace in your own life.  Take a minute and just thank God for all the wonderful things He has done in you, your family & your life. He really does deserve it!

Have you found the “I deserve it” attitude showing up in your life? What steps did you take to deal with it?  Please join the conversation by leaving your comments.

 

 

 

 

Being Charitable vs. Being a Sucker. Here’s the difference.

By | | , ,
Leave a comment

So here’s a scenario.  Your relative comes to you and wants to borrow money, but if you give them the money they ask for,  you will be putting yourself into financial distress. Should you give it to them?  If you don’t, are you being hard hearted?  How far should our charity go when it comes to this kind of thing?

money1

I have personally witnessed this sort of thing on more than one occasion, and I’ve seen people put themselves into a financial bind trying to help family or friends that ask for money.

Accusations sometimes arise when the person refuses to help, even after they state that they can’t afford to help right now.  A woman may even be called a hypocrite and her Christianity called into question because in the eyes of her needy relative or friend, she’s not being a good Christian because she won’t give.  So, where’s the line?  When is it okay to say NO to such requests?  What can you do?

I firmly believe in being charitable.  I believe that we are here to help one another.  If you look at the commandments that God gave the Children of Israel and also the commandments that Jesus gave the Church, they all have to do with two areas:

  • How we act toward God.
  • How we act toward one another.

It’s very important to help one another. The Bible says in Proverbs 19:17 that when you have pity on the poor, you are lending to the Lord, and the Lord will repay you.  The Bible points out in a number of places that it’s God’s will for his people to be benevolent.

Creditors have better memories than debtors. (- Proverb)

When you are asked for help, look at the condition of the one asking for it.  I try to ask myself a couple of questions before I make any decision at all concerning this.

A.  Where are they financially?

  1. Are they able to work?
  2. Do they actually have an income, that if used correctly, can meet the need?
  3. Do they have any income at all?
  4. Do they have any savings that can help them through the tough time?
  5. Do they have things of value that they can sell?

B.  Why are they where they are?

  1. Are they normally quite stable and an explosion of bad circumstances just rocked them to the point where they need help?
  2. Maybe they have recently become unemployed and they need help just bridging the gap between the old job and the next step.
  3. They may also be at the other end of this spectrum where they have had plenty of excellent opportunities to develop a strong financial life, but instead have habitually made bad choices.  I have known some that would spend money on cigarettes and beer and not have any left over for gas to get back & forth to work.  Is their Modus Operandi to live off of the charity of others? Have they gone a long time and never seemed to get it together? These people may ask for help on an ongoing basis and some may attempt to shame you if you don’t help them.  I have found that with many of these people, they believe their financial hardship is never their fault.  They are always the helpless victims of people and forces outside of their control.  They don’t take personal responsibility for where they are.

What should you do?  To find our answers we look to scripture.  2 Corinthians 9:7 (Darby) says “each according as he is purposed in his heart; not grievingly, or of necessity; for God loves a cheerful giver”.  Notice that the giving is to be done “as he has purposed in his heart”.  Your charity should be planned and thought out.  Look also at “not grievingly, or of necessity”.  If you can’t give by faith with a cheerful heart, you should think twice about it.  Consider the promise though, from verses 8-10 (KJV). “And God is able to make ALL grace abound toward you; that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work”.

I don’t think people should be stingy, cheap, or fearful concerning money.  I am personally convinced of how much God loves me and helps me in this area. I remember the day that Romans 8:31 – 39 became real to me.  I wept with joy when I realized that God was more “for me” than I was, and that he was actively looking for ways to get past my unbelief to help me.   Rom 8:31 & 32 says “What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us? He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?”  Allow Him to build this same confidence in you.  He’s on your side.  He really is.

Practical things that you can do.

  1. Be deliberate about your giving.  Plan your giving and don’t be ruled by emotion.  Christians in general have a heart for wanting to help.  Thieves, lazy relatives and con artists take advantage of this and play to your heart.  Rev. Keith Moore said it this way: “If you show up with a fish symbol on your truck, talking about how you’re a Christian and I should trust you, bring two more references with you when you come”.  Why?  Because in reality, they may not really be Christians.  For this reason we are very deliberate in our giving. We personally have just a few organizations that we support unwaveringly.  These are planned and included in our monthly budget.
  2. Set up a benevolence fund in your budget.  Determine how much you are going to put into it every payday.  Make sure it’s an amount that you can afford but trust God to help you grow it.  It will build up over time. This will be the fund that you can use to help people with.  This should be in addition to your consistent support of your church.  In our budgeted giving we have flagged an amount each month that I sometimes call “Grass Seed”.  It’s the money that we budget for giving but doesn’t have a stated purpose.  It’s just for when situations arise and it seems like we should give.  In addition, we always make it a matter of prayer before we give.  If we don’t have peace about it, we don’t give.
  3. Set your limits.  When the fund is empty, you don’t give until you have more to give.  Don’t borrow from some other area in your budget to cover this.  That is not being a good steward of your money.
  4. Develop a resource list specific to your area. You will be able to refer people to known charities in your area that can give them the help they need. You can have everything from financial assistance to free clothing on your list. See this Resource List link for the list I use.

Your personal responsibility.  When you commit to a service or purchase something over time, you have committed your money in advance to that.  When you allow yourself to be pushed into giving money to a friend or family member when it was tagged for a payment that you owe, you’re giving away someone else’s money.  You need to keep in mind your own Christian witness to your creditors when it comes to how you give and how much you can afford.  God is not pleased, and the Gospel becomes evil spoken of when Christians poorly represent themselves and God.  When it comes to finances be wise.

Before borrowing money from a friend it’s best to decide which you need most. (Quote by – Joe Moore)

When you find yourself in a situation described by the Lord in Luke 6, obey the bible.  If your face gets smacked, turn the other cheek. Very often though, the Lord will lead you away from situations where people beat you and steal your clothes.  The bottom line in all of this is simply BE LED.  God directs his people and He will steer you. Trust Him to do it.

These are guidelines that I use and I hope they help you too.  What creative ways have you found to help others that you would like to share?  I would be glad to add them to my own tool box.  Please join the conversation by leaving your comments below.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

The Very Next Step…

By | | ,
Leave a comment

stepping-outHave you ever found yourself cornered and didn’t know what to do?  Maybe you were foolish and your bad choices caught up to you or maybe you were the victim of someone else’s heartlessness. You find yourself stuck, suffering and don’t see a way out.  I know I’ve felt trapped before.

The year I graduated from high school I lost my driver’s license.  I lost it because I was uninsured and in more than one car accident.  The insurance companies for the other drivers wanted to recover damages from me that my insurance should have paid.  I was led to believe that until I paid that money I couldn’t get my license back.   My job was about 13 miles away.  I couldn’t get there in a timely manner anymore and part of my job was to make local deliveries so I was let go.  I now had a very large problem.  I couldn’t pay down any debt without a job but I couldn’t get & keep a decent paying job because I couldn’t get there.  My life sort of went on hold.  This was the last straw and it seemed like within a few days, my whole life fell apart.  I literally did not know what to do.  None of the options in front of me were good ones.  They were all bad…or so I thought.

Ben Stein
 There is no sudden leap into the stratosphere. There is only advancing step by step, slowly and tortuously, up the pyramid towards your goals.

THE VERY NEXT STEP!   If you find yourself in a situation like this, the very next step is a crucial one.  The next step can mean the difference between going deeper into your situation or it could be the very first step toward the answer that you so desperately need.  Think about it.  This next move could be the defining moment that changes everything.  My problem was that I sort of shut down and took on a victim mentality.  Never mind that it was ALL my fault!

I actually stopped taking steps for a while.  I was so polarized by the size and complexity of the situation I was in that I didn’t know what to do or what questions to ask.  Don’t allow yourself to get to this point.  Sometimes no action is the worst action. You can only effectively steer a moving vehicle. Even if it starts out going the wrong direction, it can only be corrected if it’s moving.  You can’t give up.

WHERE IS GOD IN ALL OF THIS?  Psalm 25:5 (NKJ) says “Lead me in your truth, and teach me: for you are the God of my salvation; on you I wait all the day“. Isaiah 48:17 (BBE) says “The Lord who takes up your cause, the Holy One of Israel, says, I am the Lord your God, who is teaching you for your profit, guiding you by the way in which you are to go”.  I know that sometimes the pressures of life can act like blinders and all you see is the problem.  Lift your eyes.  God Himself has promised to lead you if you will listen.  He will guide you “for your profit”.  He doesn’t want you to suffer, He takes NO pleasure in it.  He wants you to have peace.  Sometimes when you’re right in the thick of the battle, it may seem like you have to take five steps before you’re close enough to even ask for help but that is not the truth.  God says in Hebrews 13:5 “I will never leave you, nor forsake you”.  You will never be out of His reach.  He says in Isaiah 59:1 (WEB) “Behold, Yahweh’s hand is not shortened, that it can’t save; neither His ear heavy, that it can’t hear”.  The separation is on our part.  We fail to look to Him for help.

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
 The heights charm us, but the steps do not; with the mountain in our view we love to walk the plains.

THE BREAK THROUGH.   Remember, I said I stopped moving forward.  It took me a little while to start moving again.  A few years later, through many wonderful events, too many to talk about here, I was able to get a good job and even get married,  but I still didn’t have my license.  I really wanted to get this fixed but still didn’t know how.  I had however been praying about it a lot and asking specifically for wisdom to know what to do.  One night while relaxing in the bathtub (Yes, God can deal with you anywhere) the Lord began to deal with my heart.  I didn’t hear a voice or anything like that but a thought occurred to me just as clear as if I has spoken it myself.  “Have you done everything you CAN do?”  In a split second I could see that there was ONE thing that I COULD do.  I could pay the re-instatement fee.  I didn’t have the thousands of dollars it would take to clear the whole mess up, but I had the re-instatement fee.  So I paid it.  Why you may ask?  Because it was the one thing I COULD do, so I did it trusting that God would make something out of it.

A few weeks later I received a call from a very nice lady who worked for the Secretary of State’s office in the state where I lived.  She indicated that she had received a check from me and was wondering why.  I explained my whole situation to her and about paying the re-instatement fee.  She then began to give me a very detailed roadmap to fix my situation.  She told me what forms I needed and where to get them.  She told me what to do in each situation in order to get resolution.  I thanked her and hung up the phone.  I don’t remember today if I jumped around the room or not but I remember being “off the hook” excited.  I was thanking God!  To make a long story short, within two months I had my license and had about $7,000 of an $11,000 debt forgiven.  God knew exactly who I needed to talk to.  I am convinced to this day that it was a divine setup.

Step in Sand

The thing I want you to remember is this.  You are never more than one step away from the right direction.  You are never more than one step away from help.  I don’t care how dark it may appear where you are, God is not too far away!  Let Him lead you.  The very next step could be the first step toward the answer.

How can you move forward?  Even if it seems like an insignificant step, what could you do?  What example in your own life could you share to help others?  Please join the conversation by leaving a comment.

 

 

 

 

Do you care what people think? Here’s why you should.

By | | ,
Leave a comment

tape-over-mouth1Hurray for Social Media!  Because of Social Media I have been able to connect with people from my past that I have truly missed.  I am now connected again with my best friend from high school.  I’m able to stay current on family and friends even though we are spread across so many different states.  Social media has given me somewhat direct access to people I respect and admire and I now get to keep up better with their lives, work and ministries.  Social media gives me unique perspective that I didn’t have without it.  For example, before social media I would never be able to see or know what you’re having for lunch, even while you’re in a different time zone. Awesome!  I’ll try that restaurant when I’m there.  Without social media, I wouldn’t know how many people I know who used to secretly smoke pot in Colorado but are now posting pictures of it on Facebook.  What I have also learned is how many young people “don’t give a (cuss)” what people think of them, or at least that’s what they say…over and over again.

Let us ask ourselves; What kind of people do we think we are?   -Ronald Reagan

I am under no illusion that when it comes to my social media activity, people are forming opinions or having opinions reinforced about me.  Social media aside, people are doing that to all of us everyday.  You are doing that to others also.  Here’s the question; should you care what other people think of you?  Does it matter?  The profound answer to that question is “Yes” and “No”.  Now that we’ve muddied the waters allow me to explain.

Core values & social filters.  I break it down into three categories:

  1. Unchanging values.  Personally speaking, I have core values that are formed by the Bible.  I made a decision back in 1985 that the Bible was going to be the final authority in my life.  My understanding of the scripture has become the primary filter that I use to interpret my life and circumstances.  I am unwilling to compromise in this area.  This has become an area in my life that even when I have been made fun of, pressured or persecuted because of it, I will not change.  I have decided long ago that the negative opinions of others will not change my thinking where this is concerned.
  2. Flexible values. Socially things are a little different.  I have had a Facebook account since 2008 and in that time I have only unfriended two people, both were for very poor behavior.  My thoughts are that I don’t want to burn a bridge or remove an avenue where I might at some point have a positive influence on someone.  I am cautious as to what I will speak up about.  I am not interested in alienating people.  I do have very specific opinions on many areas of our culture but I am very reserved when it comes to engaging in debate about them.  Convictions on the other hand, I will not back down on.  The truth is that in many areas I do care what people think.  I don’t want my language, my attitude or my appearance to ever shut me out of an excellent opportunity.  Unfortunately this is happening to people all of the time.  They are being ignored for some great opportunities because of their language, attitude or appearance.
  3. Your way.  In some situations the most important thing to me is the happiness of others.  In these situations I will be watching for opportunities to adapt & change in order to make the situation run smoother and that everyone is happy.

I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do! That is character!  –Theodore Roosevelt

Social media is a little deceptive though, don’t you think?  Looking at someone’s Facebook profile is really looking at a highlight reel.  Social media makes other people’s lives seem so much more exciting than yours.  In reality though, while people are posting cool pictures of them doing fun and interesting things, they are posting those pictures in between loads of laundry. Party over there!

Tell me an area where you care what people think?  What area are you uncompromising in?  I would love to hear your comments.  Join the conversation.

Are people trying to hold you back? Here’s what to do.

By | |
4 Comments

traffic cone When I was a younger man, I was an angry man. I had a thin skin and I took everything to heart. I lived in a constant state of being offended because someone didn’t take me seriously enough, or mocked me in some way. Even when my friends would joke around with me, it was always a gamble as to whether or not I would take it the right way or get upset. Remember what I said in a previous post? We all want everyone to always at all times think the very best of us. I realize I’m not alone in this. Many of us struggle with this same thing.

I thank God that I worked with one man who had the guts to be direct with me about this. He came to me one day and said “You need to deal with your attitude. No one likes working with you and you might get fired”. In my opinion, he was a pretty nice and well liked man. I also knew that he didn’t want me to get fired. I knew that his words were coming from real concern, so I asked him for help. One of the first assignments that he gave me was to read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It started me down the road to changing myself and helped me immeasurably. I now try to read this book at least once every two years.

I began to really apply myself to be better in these areas and I began to really grow. Some years later, the son of a co-worker was working with us as a general worker over the summer. I was working near him one day and tried on several occasions to start a friendly conversation to no avail. He would not converse with me. I have known this young man since he was in grade school and he was a good boy. As far as I could remember, I had not done anything to hurt him. I didn’t understand why this happened. It’s hard to endure that kind of treatment and not get “sharp” with people, but I didn’t. I thought about it a lot though. After calming down and thinking about it logically, what I realized was that I was not spoken well of in his house. I worked with one of his parents and they, unfortunately, were still seeing me as the angry young man. This young man wasn’t seeing me for who I am, he was seeing me through a bias that was put into him long ago.

I realized that even though I had changed (and I had dramatically), I was not going to be allowed to redefine myself to these people. To them I was always going to be an angry young man. They were going to see everything I did through that lens.

We see that God told Abram to get out of his country, away from his relatives, and away from his father’s house and God would make of him a great nation (Gen 12:1-2). The Bible isn’t specific about this but I wonder if in order to make Abram a great nation, God first had to get him away from people who would not let him change. What if staying there would have kept him from ever reaching out to receive God’s will and plan. Abram may have had a relative that “put him in his place” every time he saw them.

Not even Jesus was immune to this. Mark 6:1-6 tells us that He went into His own neighborhood and began to teach in the synagogue but His friends, neighbors and family were astonished. They said “How’s he doing these miracles? And who taught him this stuff? He’s doing all these miracles, where did he get this power? Isn’t this the carpenter’s boy? Didn’t he fix the spoke on my ox cart just the other day? My boy has a crush on his little sister! His momma lives right over there!” The Bible says that even though they acknowledged that He was healing people and teaching wonderful things, that they were still offended by Him. The Bible says that He marveled at their unbelief and couldn’t do any mighty works there because of it. They were unwilling to let Him change! It was God’s will but that didn’t matter. They knew who He really was…or so they thought.

So what do you do? Sometimes the people who want to hold you back or hold you down are people that you really care about. How do you deal with it? The best way is to do what Jesus did.

    1. Identify it. Jesus called it out and pulled it into the light of day. I think it’s worthy of note that according to what Jesus said; a Prophet has no honor in the same places that God told Abram to leave. Country, kinfolks & father’s house. The people who know you best are often the ones who don’t like it when you are growing. Jesus pointed this out to them.

      If you want to maintain these relationships, you will need to address your situation directly. If these people truly care about you, they will adjust and be supportive.

    1. Don’t let it stop you! Jesus didn’t let it stop Him. He still laid His hands on a few sick folks and healed them. Even in the face of opposition that was trying to get Him to back down and get “back in His place”, He kept on doing what He knew was right.

      You need to make a quality decision that you will not stop doing what’s right just because others aren’t recognizing or accepting it. I am fully persuaded that a person should act according to their own decisions and not always just be reacting to what others do to them. Make the right choice and then dig in and stick to it.

    2. Work toward correcting the situation. Jesus went around the villages teaching. Even if only a few would listen, the seed would grow and the message would spread. He set about to build faith in the people. 

      You will need to become your own evangelist so to speak. Begin walking it out. So you’ve changed? Prove it! Every day with every step and every word.

    3. Set yourself apart. Abram left his whole identity behind in order to become what God had for him. You may not need to be that drastic, but you may need to leave some relationships behind. In drug and alcohol treatment, one of the things you must do in order to be successful at recovery is to Change Your Playground. The recovering person has to find friends that will not be sticking the addiction in their face all the time. Very often, if someone relapses, it’s because they started hanging out with old friends again. Changing your playground can be very painful but in order to move forward, it may be necessary. It also doesn’t mean that you have to amputate certain people, It may just mean that you have to keep them at arm’s length for a while.

When you start moving forward and begin to pass the limitations and boundaries that were holding you back, many will be supportive, but some won’t. The important thing is that you move in the right direction and that you fortify yourself to stay the course. Don’t let the negativity of others hold you back and continue to define you.

Join the conversation. How did you overcome the resistance from others who wouldn’t allow you to change? I would love to hear your comments.

Do you like the blog?  Join the mailing list & get posts sent directly to your email.  I promise your email address will not be shared with anyone.  Consider also sharing the blog with others who you think might benefit.